To be a bit jealous of people who grow up within a 'culture'?

[haagendaz]

By culture I guess I mean a sense of identity and belonging within a group, cooking food with family, traditional music and dance and possibly religion, although this is not a necessity!

I grew up in a small, middle class, athiest family in London, we moved around a lot so I didn't have somewhere I 'came from' as such. My parents were keen for me to learn about other cultures (which fascinated me) but it made me sad we didn't really have one ourselves. We didn't really cook or listen to music or have extended family.

I spent 8 years living abroad in several different countries (Thailand, Brazil, Italy & Japan) and loved the sense of belonging and being 'part' of something that people felt. AIBU or does anyone else feel like this?

YANBU - it is so lovely growing up in a culture - for me, I think the main thing is that there is such a wide group of family and friends that you can rely on, so you're never really alone.

The celebrations are fantastic, too.

DH and I try to bring our DC's up differently, family is very important to us (unfortunately not to our parents...) and we spend time cooking and make a big deal out of festivities, but it would be nice to be part of one which didn't solely include us!

But you can't have grown up in a cultural vacuum, the things you did (that connected you with other people in your culture because they did them as well) are what make it a culture.

What you're saying is that your culture didn't make you feel an included part of it.

Why do you think your family didn't leave you feeling a connection with other people in London/England/Britain?

I probably grew up in a similar home, but when I look back on Christmas for example (which had specific cooking/traditional music/dancing (if you count DadDancing as cultural ) religion) it makes me look back with fondness and want the same for my own children.

They always look lovely from the outside....but from the inside, you cannot imagine the claustrophobia if you happen to not 'fit' that particular culture's standards exactly.

After that, London felt like sheer heaven.

YABU because you do have a culture you can choose to identify with if you want. Look at Britain's architecture, it's history, the many inventions that changed the world (especially in transport). We have lots of regional and traditional foods.

But you have to choose to love it and belong to it and bring your children up to know abou it and value it.

I suppose I mean more social culture. I realise we do have wonderful architecture and some regional food and yes Christmas is great although seems to be getting more materialistic year by year (if a festival can be materialistic?!)

YANBU

I remember reading a book about Hindu celebrations as a child and being absolutely fascinated. Now I'm supposedly grown up one of my good friends is Hindu and I always love hearing about her family, celebrations and culture. The food, clothes, weddings, religion, family relationships, everything really, sounds so vibrant and an improvement on what I'm used to. I'm a bit I must admit. I do appreciate that I'm probably only hearing the 'good bits' but I have to say they do sound blardly fab!

This is one of the most idiotic posts I have ever read.

You are simultaneously completely misunderstanding the word "culture", fetishing what you perceive to be ethnic differences, and utterly failing to see or appreciate your own actual culture.

I bet you think it's great to live in a large city with lots of cultures because of all the different kinds of takeaway you can choose, which makes you feel really cosmopolitan.

Are you really talking about wishing England had a more demonstrable culture?

It is quite reserved I suppose in comparison to other cultures.

Plus there are sub-cultures within it allowing it to be more diverse on the whole.

And if you grew up in it you're less likely to notice what is actually going on, whereas when you look to other cultures the differences are stark and easy to see.

i bet you are one step away from being a right cockney op

knees up mother brown

I don't really understand your post. You did grow up in a culture, you're English - British aren't you? I'm Scottish and I feel I have a strong culture. I've noticed that English people seem quite reticent about their culture eg not using their flag. It puzzles me.

Spend most of your adult life trying to fit in and raise kids in another country even if they speak English (sort of) and you will realize how British you are and how much your Culture has influenced who you are and what you do.
My kids will be the confused one, raised in a British home in the US I feel they will have trouble settling when they are older. (and yes it really is a foreign country)

AThingInYourLife - I think your posts is likely one of the most idiotic I have ever read, seriously!

The word 'culture' covers a wide range of things, look it up.

Fetishing ethnic differences???

Did I say I live in a large city, eat takeways or feel cosmopolitan?!?

This isn't an idiotic post.

The OP, as she said, should have put 'a culture that gave a fixed identity within a specific social group'.

I worked with a Sikh family and was a part of their celebrations, after growing up in similar circumstances to the OP, so i know what you mean, having seen both sides.

My DD is friends with an extended family from Sri Lanka and their get toghers are wonderful, but then so are my DP's family parties, just on a lesser scale.

My DP's are good because everyone is accepted regardless of sexuality/gender etc and of course the advantage of living in the UK.

I think what you are missing OP, is really extended family.

English culture..........Village pub, C of E, cricket, church bellringing, morris dancing,
cooked breakfast.......I'm struggling now!

If you take culture to be the beliefs and behaviours common to people living in England they encompass a bit more than just that small list nagy.

And you're just focusing on one culture in England.

Chrysanthemum5 - I'm Scottish on my mum's side and DH is Irish on his Dad's. We love spending time in Scotland and Ireland, and I agree both have strong cultures, it's really nice to feel a part of it even though we aren't fully fledged!

Funny your reaction to living overseas. I found my time overseas made me feel very excluded and long to be back home (the UK) where I could speak my language without simplifying it for non-native speakers (removing all my spontaneity and already-limited-wit), see friends and family I'd known since I was tiny, make references to stuff that was on TV when I was a child, or chart hits from way back when etc etc etc.

You must have things that make you feel a place is home, surely?

OP you did grow up 'in a culture' but because you've lived in that culture all your life its social norms seems like second nature and are humdrum. Because you are an 'insider' you don't see it. An English wedding and its attendent rituals, costumes and performances would be of equal source of fasination to someone from a different background.

Anyway do you really think that Italian kids sit around listening to traditonal Italian folk music anymore than English kids listen to Scarborough fair and Morris dancing. Of course not! They listen to the same diet of Americanised R&B and hip hop that English kids do.

I think there is this notion that other cultures are more 'authentic' and 'real' and unfettered by outside influence, but that isn't the case, they are hybrids too, 'authentic' Indian foods are the product of Portugese influence.

So it's just England you don't feel an affinity with OP?

Did your mum and dad 'sell' you Scotland and Ireland as well defined and valuable cultures at the expense of making you feel connected with England?

That's very true Antizig! But it's the only one I know much about.

Pork pies!

Actually cricket crosses lots of boundarys (sp?)

Is that a pun?

Hi OP! -

I totally know and empathise with what you mean. I feel envious of those with a string culture and sense of belonging. I always looked at Jewish people and loved their sense of family, and the strong traditions that hold them together for example.

As an atheist I wish there was some sort of community for other like minded, I like the idea of community that the church espouses, but don't believe.

Or Gypsy families, they have a really strong community.

Cornish pasties

Whippets

Hating Lancashire

lostmywellies - I loved being abroad, I had a Thai boyfriend for a long time and lived with his family, I hated coming back to the UK although yes I missed my parents & DB.

DH grew up in Cornwall and they have quite a strong culture, I have attempted to adopt it as my own!

Yes perhaps I would feel differently if I had a large extended family.