not to want to ask my sister and her husband to be god-parents?

[gr8biggirl]

Neither she, nor her husband are church-goers (despite being married in church at my sister's wish, he is a non-believer), and whilst I don't attend church as often as I would like, I find comfort in my faith. My parents have offered to host the tea at their house, and were horrified that I wasn't planning to ask my sister to be a GP, to the point of saying that they didn't think my sister would feel the need to take time away from her v busy life tomake the 5 hour trip if not a GP (I thought I was being accommodating asking what dates suited them before booking).
My aunt and uncle were my GPs and I always felt short changed as the role they played to me was no different to that, which they played to my sister.
I would like to ask some youngish cousins of my husbands, and a couple who are v good frinds of ours.
My mother thinks my sister would be heart-broken not to be asked as she is devoted to the children (on the 5-6 occasions a year she sees them). I feel she already has a special role in their lives (also would be legal guardian should the worst happen) so would like to give others an acknowledged role in my kids upbringing.

Our relationship has altered in the last 2 years ( she disinvited my 8 month old son from her wedding, saying I wouldn't be on the top table if I brought him). I feel we are no longer close, and that I am more and more excluded from her life and confidences.
Sorry this is so long , but this has the potential to cause a big family rift so I really need a balanced opinion AIBU or just spiteful?

YANBU. Have who you want, not who your parents think you should have.

We had a distant cousin and Bil as DD1's godparents.
DD2 has a friend of mine, my mum and my brother as godparents.

I'm catholic and in the RC church at least one godparent has to be practicing, which despite coming from a huge catholic family, they were difficult to find, like hens teeth in fact!

My choices were based on people who I knew would pray for and support the kids (and of course play with them!).

I had the same dilemma. We asked my sister and her partner to be GP to DS3 at a family aprtner, only to overhear her partner joking about how great it will be when he gets up and renounces the devil-since he sees himself as a pagan, that would really test the faith of the Christians.

I was furious, but my sister is so precious that I knew it would cause a family rift if I called them on it and made it an issue.

So for 4 years, he remained unchristened, until last year, the others were looking at their Christening presents and talking about their Godparents, and he cried because he wanted Godparents, too.

I just arranged his 'baptism' for the next available date, asked a good friend of mine and an elderly lady who came to help from the church when I had 3 under 4 and has been coming ever since, and I told my sister that I wanted to make sure they had GP who would be around every day (she lives 5 hours away too), and who would teach him to pray and follow his bible.

I layed it on a bit thick, but I gave criteria to being a GP that she couldn't match, so she had no way to complain.

In the end, she couldn't be bothered to make it to the church that day (despite it being near DS's birthday, and summer time, and she came up to see my mum the next weekend), and she didn't even bring DS a card.

His GPs have been wonderful, so I'm not sorry for my decision.

YANBU. It's entirely your choice.

What has your BiL's non-faith got to do with your sister though? Godparents don't come as a couple. I think you're right, you're still miffed over the wedding. Generally GPs have so little bearing on children's lives that I don't understand the hand-wringing selection process.

yanbu.

we have chosen for dd's godparents people from church, who we know will be strong in her growing up in faith.
we cold have chosen our best friends or our siblings, but they've already got roles, and non of them are religious, so it makes no sense to us at all.

i don't even know who my godparents are
(and i'm my 1st nephew's godmother, but i'm not allowed to talk religion with him )

I am a godmother and I really felt uncomfortable with it, but I had been asked and didn't feel I could say 'no' without upsetting a lot of people.

So I stood up in church and said a load of words I didn't mean and felt a complete hypocrite.

Your sister might thank you for not asking.

Then why didn't you say to the parents "I can't be a Godmother as I don't believe/can't mean the words they are asking me to promise. I hope you understand that I'm honoured to be asked though and will still be very much a loving presence in your dc's life" ?
I genuinely can't understand how anyone think's it's a good thing to start this relationship (officially) by lying.

Yanbu. Your child, your choice. You're not a little girl now who needs to do as she's told. If your dad still has a problem with not being his nice/nephews god parent that is his problem not yours.

I love how entitled people get around stuff like this. Fuck em, don't give in. If they get their way over this, what will be the next thing, you have to stand up for yourself at some point, why not now.