Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A wedding question, sorry

61 replies

Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 14:44

hI I'm a regular but name changed as don't want to be outed.

My only sister gets married in a couple of months, last minute thing. She has chosen her best friend as bridesmaid, her own and her partners brothers children are bridesmaids.
am I being unreasonable to be miffed that me and my child aren't anything than regular guests? I've never been a bridesmaid and diss knows I've always wanted to be one. Plus feel upset my own child is nothing than a regular guest. I'd even buy our own outfits if needed, but money isn't in short supply there end.

I feel incrediably hurt by this, but don't want to fall out. am I being unreasonable please? Ps my own child is same age as the bridesmaids so age not an issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 14:45

Diss = dsis

OP posts:
pjmama · 20/04/2012 14:49

You can't please everyone when you're getting married and if money isn't an issue then she probably just doesn't want to have a lot of bridesmaids. Her best friend and her own children are fair enough and I think it's fair and diplomatic to include some children from her partner's family. She has to draw a line somewhere though and I'm sure she's not doing it to deliberately upset you. Buy yourself a nice dress to wear and be happy for your sister - it's her wedding day and that's what the celebration is about, not who wears what and sits on which table.

Bumblefeck · 20/04/2012 14:50

It's their wedding so it's up to them who they have as bridemaids etc regardless of how much money they have

YANBU to be upset by it

YWBU if you started moaning at your DSIS/Mum/Gran/BIL etc about it and make her feel bad

Have a moan on here, have a moan to DH but then go and have a fab time at the wedding as guests

sugarice · 20/04/2012 14:52

Yanbu . I assume you and ds aren't close?

Katienana · 20/04/2012 14:54

I would be hurt. Are you married, and did you have bridesmaids?

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 14:56

Her partners having both of his brothers as best men as couldn't chose one so I feel very left out. I am single and my elderly parents are too frail to attend as its not local.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 20/04/2012 14:57

Just be glad you dont have to be part of the wedding party.

QuintessentialShadows · 20/04/2012 14:57

Do you have to go to the wedding? If you are not close, and your sister does not appear to care much for her family, you might get away with rsvping "no".

crazygracieuk · 20/04/2012 14:58

How close are you to your sister? If you're close then yanbu to feel a bit disappointed.

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:01

I really feel like rsvping with a no. It's a long journey so we will have to make a long journey of it. My dc has a special need too. Just feel like we're not good enough. It will cost a huge amount in train fare and hotel costs to attend. Dsis and her partners family and friends are all in a different league to us. I work part time in a low income job etc.. They are all professionals.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:02

I wouldn't say we're overly close as she's a few years older and moved away from our hometown. We do speak though and have never fallen out.
If I'd have got married though I honestly would have had her as a bridesmaid as well as a couple of my own friends.

OP posts:
Teeb · 20/04/2012 15:03

Is it a big wedding? If she's only choosing to have a single adult bridesmaid then she probably wants it to stay fairly small and not get out of hand.

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:04

Sort of medium really, at a hotel. If she had several siblings to chose from and other relatives I'd understand more.

OP posts:
sugarice · 20/04/2012 15:10

I feel for you but it sounds like she's closer to her friends than her family. Is it an Open Bar, if so go and get rat arsed on their money, if not don't go.

thatisall · 20/04/2012 15:12

It's really hard being the bride and groom choosing a wedding party.
YABU if you moan about it but YANBU to be upset. I suspect that if she asked your little one to be involved you would be ok, maybe even taking the Mother of bride role in the absence of your own?

It's a bit thoughtless of her isn't it

Do attend though, you can never undo it if you don't go

LaurieFairyCake · 20/04/2012 15:14

I think it's terrible that because you have not been chosen as a bridesmaid you are considering not attending.

How awful is that? No wonder she hasn't chosen you, you are considering not going to your only sisters wedding just because you can't have it your way.

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:16

Lol@ open bar, not sure as to that one. Don't want to fall out but I'm incredibly hurt. If her husband to be can have 2 best men I don't understand why myself and dc are being left out. Just feel we're not good enough. One of the best men lives abroad so she can't just say its because we're not nearby.

OP posts:
OhCobblers · 20/04/2012 15:16

I really do understand that your feelings would be hurt for both you and your DD. However it does sound that you're finding excuses not to go because you're upset about not being a BM.

Do you really not want to see your sister getting married? You think enough of her to have her as one of your BMs if you were getting married, but you wouldn't see her getting married because she hasn't asked YOU?

The fact that she and her friends earn more than you, have different jobs and the train fare cost, etc, are all excuses that you probably wouldn't be concerned with if she HAD asked (though i really do appreciate that a long journey with a child that has SN could be stressful for you). Go and have a wonderful time Smile but i do think your hurt and disappointment are fair enough.

diddl · 20/04/2012 15:18

Odd not to go because not a bridesmaid.

But if you can´t afford/be bothered-then don´t.

My sister (due to be bmaid) cancelled on me 2 days before.

Was livid at the time.

But I married my husband-which was the point & tbh her not being there didn´t spoil the day one bit.

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:18

Yes laurie I probably won't go then, who cares anyway. My dc has been singled out too whilst the other nieces are all bridesmaids. We will only be spare parts anyway. I'll save them some money and not go. Save myself some money too on hotel and train fares that I can I'll afford.

OP posts:
thatisall · 20/04/2012 15:19

how far is it? Aren't you worried you'll regret going? How many child bridesmaids are there?

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:20

It would be a massive part of my budget to attend and I mean huge.

OP posts:
thatisall · 20/04/2012 15:20

that should read 'regret NOT going

Original poster
Clueslessbird · 20/04/2012 15:21

4 bridesmaids, mine is the only one left out. Went to their christenings at big expense and we've never fallen out before.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 20/04/2012 15:21

You said she had chosen her own children as bridesmaids - that's her children right? And then her partner has chosen his brothers children?

How does that not sound fair to you - she gets her kids, he gets relatives kids - maybe if she hadn't had kids of her own she'd have chosen yours???