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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want sex EVERY night?

76 replies

Bambino81 · 20/04/2012 11:36

Honestly the more he wants sex the more it makes me say no.

Does anyone else go through this? I get fed up with him trying for it every night. Sometimes he wakes me up at 3am >.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 19:38

it's another example of his self-entitled-ness though

sensuallettuce · 20/04/2012 19:40

God I would LOVE sex every night - but then my OH is in the Navy and away until Aug :O

Original poster
Bambino81 · 20/04/2012 19:52

No honestly the getting up in the morning thing isn't an issue, if I asked him to get up then he would no problem, but I'm an early riser so Im more then happy. He even makes DD's lunchbox in the evening for me.

OP posts:
thebody · 20/04/2012 19:54

Do u have children, soz if covered but couldn't see mention of them in thread.

Has he been like this for ever? U say u used to have a high sex drive and wake him up so is it you then that's changed which probably is a little hard for him( no joke intended)

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 19:55

a Prince Amongst Men Grin

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 19:56

when my DH does chores, he doesn't do them for "me"

he does them as his contribution to keeping the Family Show on the road

just like wot I do

TooEasilyTempted · 20/04/2012 19:56

You've woken him up at 3am in the past for sex so it's perfectly understandable that he thought that it was acceptable and ok to do the same to you.

However now you've told him to fuck off he shouldn't try it again. And likewise if and when you feel like 3am sex in future and you try to wake him he would be perfectly within his rights to tell you to fuck off so don't come whining about it on here if he does.

VivaLeBeaver · 20/04/2012 20:01

I don't want to have sex every year never mind every night.

PurpleRomanesco · 20/04/2012 20:02

The best thing you can do is make it plain and clear exactly what you want, If after that it continues then there is a problem.

Pestering someone for sex is very disrespectful, He may not feel what he is doing is pestering so, As you say he is a good man I'm sure he will be shocked and apologetic when he realises he's doing it.

As I said before tell him you will instigate from now on, It shouldn't be a problem.

Original poster
Bambino81 · 20/04/2012 20:06

Good for you anyfucker :)

Easily tempted - you're completely right, he has every right to tell me to fuck off now.

I defo think the instigator route is going to be the best route purple.

And yes thebody, we have DD

OP posts:
PurpleRomanesco · 20/04/2012 20:13

Great.

Pestering leads to pressure which leads to you doing something you don't want to, Don't ever let that happen.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 20/04/2012 20:37

Lol I always know when DH wants it coz for the day or so beforehand he buys me treats like chocolate or cake then denies he's going it to get in my knickers. Grin

But now I feel guilty for only giving in once a month or so!

NiniLegsInTheAir · 20/04/2012 20:38

*doing not going!

1950sHousewife · 20/04/2012 20:40

Wow. Every night.

Just...wow.

Isn't there the male equivalent of a vibrator he could use?

fluffypillow · 20/04/2012 21:18

YADNBU.

thebody · 20/04/2012 21:48

Look at it this way, he fancies the arse off u, I guess it would b more worrying if he never wanted it.? Just a thought..

sensuallettuce · 20/04/2012 21:52

"giving" OH sex Hmm Hmm Hmm

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/04/2012 22:20

Part of the problem with DH waking me was because he worked later than I did so I understand about the winding down point. After our discussion he would sometimes come to bed at the same time as me and after the deed was done he would get up and watch some tv and I would go to sleep. After all its not a bad way to wind down!

MrMiyagi · 20/04/2012 23:17

Why hasn't anybody criticised the OP for waking him at 3am for sex previously? Plenty of you were willing to criticise him for exactly that.

Mrsjay · 20/04/2012 23:21

everynight what age are you i think i was 22 the last time i did it every night , yanbu , I dont want it at all at the moment dh is getting a bit ansy about it , I just dont feel like it Hmm

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 23:25

MrM, Op has said he isn't welcome to wake her at 3am for sex

Think about it as carefullly as you can, perhaps you will understand

toofattorun · 20/04/2012 23:27

Fucking hell! We do it about 5 times a year!!!!

BertieBotts · 21/04/2012 09:01

thebody it's irrelevant if sex drives have changed. That's just part of life and an adult relationship - things change and if you communicate and respect each other it shouldn't ever be an issue.

If one partner's sex drive has massively dropped and the other's has stayed the same, then the other should be concerned about what is wrong with their partner, not concerned because they're not getting enough sex, seriously, are some people stuck in a 12 year old's mindset?

Nini I hope that's a joke and you don't really feel like it's "giving in" :( NOBODY should have sex they don't feel like having.

thebody · 21/04/2012 09:49

Bertie yes I think when it comes to sex or lack of it! Many people are stuck 'in the mindset of a 12 year old'

To always be saying no to sex in a relationship is unfair to the partner, discounting illness etc.

To day ' nobody should have sex they don't want to' is a bit simplistic. There is a difference between rape and 'just doing it because it makes partner happy and although you are tired you may as well'.

I suggest many men and women do the latter as that's life.

startwig1982 · 21/04/2012 09:55

I'm at my most responsive at 3am in terms of sex! DH does this fairly often as I'm never in the mood at bedtime. He's skilful enough to get me in the mood before I'm awake.. Grin

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