More what would you say in response? Friend A won't have friend B's child over to play because he screams high pitched regularly

[pingu2209]

Pretty much as the title says. I remained quiet and very carefully changed the subject. My friend A confided in me last night that she will never have a mutual friend's son over to play any more because he screams and it gets on her nerves.

I didn't know what to say - okay yes the boy does scream. But all the children are friends and really like each other.

I felt it was a bit harsh.

What would I say in response? I'd say "I don't blame you, let's meet them in the park in future"!

If you can put up with it in your home, fine - but you might not feel quite so laid back about it if your own DC starts to copy. My DD would run a mile from a child like that anyway - she couldn't bear other children who screamed or were rowdy.

How old are the children, and how does the screamer's mum deal with it? If she ignores it and doesn't deal with it, that would put me right off I'm afraid.

My girls are not allowed to do that high-pitched screaming, it's banned. If they do it, it sounds like they are being murdered. The odd screech, lots of shrieking, yes, but not screaming. If they were all screaming, I would probably go and tell my two this, and hope it rubbed off on the other one!!

Noisy play is one thing, but I hate proper screaming. One of mine does scream when angry though, and it's ear-splitting.

I don't blame her!

Ah, nice to see so many responses I actually agree with!

Kids don't have to have their friends over do they? They get to see each other at school all the time. I never had friends over until secondary school, it's only a modern phenomenon all these play dates. I don't particularly like other peoples children and will poke them with a stick until they go home. A screaming child would have vinegar soaked sponge shoved in his mouth. Honestly, a bit of discipline with a small cattle prod works wonders. Parents today, tsk!

I knew a 2 year old boy who used to scream in a VERY loud high pitched noise when he didn't get what he wanted. And his mother always used to give in, so he used to do it a lot. I stopped seeing them because it was unbearable. I think it's entirely reasonable for your friend not to want to spend time with a child who does screams.

I wouldn't have a screamer in my house either, it would drive me insane.

gafhyb I took it that the mums were there as well, they were at each others house having coffee.

If that is not the case and it is just the kids meeting I still wouldn't have the screachy child in my house, I would go out to the woods and fields and stuff but not in my space. Completly sets me on edge.

I still wouldn't do anything about it though. It's enough parenting your own without stepping on someone elses toes and thinking have them thinking you are being smug about your own in the process.

We had one kid who was insuffrable when he was 6. Really nosy, asking us questions about how much money we earned, when we were going to change the car and could we afford it, he moaned about what food we had in and how small his house was (compared to his 6 bed room 3 acre detached house with own swimming pool etc) He stayed friends with DS2 but not inside my house until about 3 months ago (He is 13 now!!!)

The kids in our street went through a phase recently of holding screaming contests . The parents chased them down our end to do it . Kids got the better of them by going up the street in the front in a screaming crocodile, then round the back and down the alley in a screaming crocodile. This went on until we were all demented dark.

I don't blame her. I also don't invite over ill mannered children either, and my DC know this is why I won't have some of their friend's over.

carabos take rhubarbs idea and poke them with sticks

YANBU I don't have a screamer over any more either, real high pitched war cries! for a number of reasons:

the mothers response (can put up with a fair amt of unpleasant behaviour from a child if the parent reacts appropriately to it).

The screams are angry and agressive, and usually unprovoked, it's not a matter of it just happening when there's been a mutual disagreement over a toy. Why should my child be repeatedly shouted at angrily for no reason in his own safe space/home? - yes kids fall out, that's fine, I don't mind that but the screamer was a bit different to the normal scuffles, and then it comes back to the mother again, if she was responding to aggressive behaviour in a way that told my son that "yes he shouldn't have done that to you" - that might have made me feel okay about it, but at best she SOMETIMES removed him and rewarded him with 1:1 distractions, other times she just laughed, and if I intervened she'd make comments about how kids should be left to sort things out between them (but there was nothing to sort out - it didnt start with disagreements it was just bursts of anger out of thin air!)

It's no loss to my son, at nursery/school/work he'll have to put up with people who are just generally unpleasant, I don't see why it's bad to keep home as somewhere you only bring the people who enhance your life!

Do you all mean screaming as in having a tantrum or screaming excitedly while playing or just random screaming?! Not that it really matters as they are all highly irritating! Its just I'm trying to figure out the type of screaming and you all seem to know! How old are the children? Does this boy do it EVERYTIME? It sounds odd to me. I'd go to a playcentre where all the other noise merges into one!

I stopped inviting one boy to my house because he wrecked my garden. Every time. I don't want fence panels moved around or things from the shed chucked into next doors garden. My boys, of course thinks he's brilliant. Inside he's OK because he just plays computer games and eats all of my food.

Her house, fair enough, I say.

Your friend is NBU to think that. I do think it wrong she said it to you, not friend B

The boy is 7 but has done it for years. He is a happy high pitched screamer rather than an angry high pitched screamer. He gets over excited and screams.

I find him hard - I find the noise he makes hard, he is okay otherwise. I do have to brace myself before he comes over and I don't have him over as much as others because of his screaming.

His sister screams too. She is 5.

Here's a novel idea - how about asking (and then telling) him NOT to scream. It is still ok, is it, to ask kids not to do stuff?

i agree - tell him not to. clearly he's not being told at home. i tell my kids not to scream. very occasionally they listen to me.

happy screams I don't mind personally, but still don't think the friend is UR

maybe she has a tense relationship with a complainey neighbour and it's just not worth it, maybe she just doesn't like it, whatever it is you don't have to do the play date thing if you don't enjoy it!

screaming is contagious amongst children.

my ds2 is a screamer and one of ds1's friends is too, when the 3 are together it is pure HELL! i hate it. i repeatedly tell them no screaming and make them play outside. it is really hard to listen to.

Well if he is just a happy little screamer why not just make clear that there is no screaming in the house, you might have to remind him a few times but he'll get it after a while. He's not being bad or rude, he's just inappropriately expressing his excitement because the parents have neglected to teach him that screaming is extremely annoying for others.

He's more than capable of learning.

Wow, I find the lack of tolerance on recent threads relating to children surprising. My ds doesn't have that many play dates so maybe its my lack of negative experience. I've always thought kids are just noisy and love listening to their noise, screams and all. :)

Yss, I'd be more likely to ask a 7-year-old to stop screaming than to not invite him; but if he didn't stop, I wouldn't have him over either. He's old enough to understand an adult explaining to him that the noise is distressing for others around him, and it would be nicer for everyone if he didn't scream.

God no I wouldn't want a 7 year old screamer over. I've got enough tension in my life.
It would make me all cat's bum mouthed and nobody needs to see that.

I'd, as I said, attempt to get him to stop.