to give my DS a milky coffee?

[CowboysGal]

I have just had an old friend round for a bit of a catch up and a chance for us to get to know each other again after being out of touch for a couple of years. It wasn't very pleasant. She was fairly negative about my DS (oh isn't he shy, don't you take him to groups to socialise him/doesn't like sharing much does he/does he always shy away from adults) I brushed off the comments as firstly I'm not hugely worried about DS and secondly her 2yr old DD is her first child, DS is my fifth so I think I maybe have a little more experience under my belt. Having said that I don't pretend to know it all and sometimes us parents do things out of habit because we've always done it with older DC and it takes a fresh pair of eyes to point out when things may not be a great idea.
Thing that really narked me happened just before she was leaving. I made the two of us a coffee and DS asked for 'a warm brew' He often has one mid-morning. She was horrified. Now I'm not talking a shot of espresso here, he has 2/3rds milk some boiling water and a tiny hardly worth putting in but makes him think he is having the same as us bit of (decaffeinated instant) coffee.
She then went on to list the acceptable drinks for a toddler-fruit juice,water,milk,fizzy pop when dining out or having a take away!!
AIBU?
Is a warm milky drink most mornings with a minuscule amount of coffee in it worse than giving a toddler cola once or twice a week?
Starting to realise why we'd drifted apart in the first place

YANBU, she sounds intimidated by your experience as a mother, you are obviously more relaxed due to him being your 5th, but nothing wrong with the drink you gave him.

I wouldn't be seeing her again though, who meets up with an old friend and critisises your children?

She thinks fizzy pop is okay for a toddler?

YANBU to ditch her unceremoniously for being a pain in the £%*"£ !

It's not that YABU re the coffee exactly because you're his mum and it's up to you what you do, but I've always taken the view that those things will be asked for (maybe) by kids eventually and until that time, I'm not really interested in giving them (hassle apart from anything else). Decaffeinated coffee is not completely caffeine-free, I don't know if you know that. Mind you, I wouldn't be giving cola at all either! I'm sure your DS won't die from it.

I drink decaff teabags and my DD9 has recently taken to asking for a small cup sometimes but this is a child who pays an exhausting amount of attention to everything I drink so it was bound to happen!

Yanbu because its decaffeinated I suppose. I wouldn't do it but I'm not sure why.

She sounds rude but you sound quite defensive. Maybe she was nervous and making conversation?? Did you encourage your son to share etc? She may have felt intimidated because you have much more parenting experience?

I was ready to say YABU but then I read the decaf bit. I honestly can't see anything wrong with decaf but I wretch at the thought of a toddler having fizzy pop

I wouldn't give my dc coffee personally but there are worse crimes than that. I don't think you are being unreasonable though.

YANBU at all.

My dds always have a cup of milky tea on a morning. They like a warm drink but wont drink just milk or horlicks etc so tea it is. My BIL gave his (then) 6 year old a proper cup of caffinated (is that the right spelling spell check says not but not offering suggestions) coffee. No wonder he was bouncing off the walls lol.

stranded bear I wasn't discounting her. I do feel like I have more experience but as I said in OP I know it sometimes takes fresh eyes etc etc. I am being a bit defensive as I did feel a lot bit like I was being criticised at every turn. I asked on here for opinions because although DS is fifth DC I still have insecure moments when I feel like I'm screwing up and it's good to hear other input

By the way, a 'warm brew' is gorgeous! How cosy!

It's decaffe so I can't see any problem tbh.

Someone told me once that the solvents used to decaffeinate the coffee are worse for you than the caffeine so I probably wouldn't. I haven't researched it though.

And also because coffee without about 6 sugars is rancid.

I would give my child a milky coffee over fizzy pop any day.

helltotheno I always thought the amount of caffeine in decaffeinated coffee was minuscule, is that not the case? Either way he has a tiny, tiny amount. A couple of grains. He asks because especially at weekends he sees DH,teenage DSs and myself getting together mid-morning for a brew before everyone goes off to do their own thing. We've tried appeasing him with warm milk or hot chocolate but only a little sprinkle of what everyone else is having satisfies him

My sister gave my then 3 year old niece caffeinated coffee on a few occasions. It's not something I would do but it was only a tiny amount and hasn't done any harm. I wouldn't be sure about giving it every day though, will he not drink just warm milk sometimes instead?

I give ds2 coffee made like that (I.e. tiny amount of decaf instant and a lot of warm milk). I fail to see the problem with it. Miles better than squash and fizzy pop IMHO. Ds1 prefers tea (made very similarly). Neither of them have keeled over yet.

YANBU.

We do this with DS as DP and I like to have a coffee and a chat when he get's home from work, It's just DSs way of joining in. Decaf milky coffee is harmless. :)

Don't listen to her.

X-post with warm milk, sorry.

My MIL asked me to make a coffee for my demon nephew once - full caffeinated coffee, 'just a splash' of milk - at 9pm at night. I won't drink coffee that late at night, let alone a 6 year old child.

I put about 3 grains of coffee in the cup... and a lot of milk!

wish I'd done more now as I wasn't going to have to put him to bed

Huge at 'don't you take him to groups to socialise him/doesn't like sharing much does he' For a fifth child!

I love the fact he used the term 'warm brew, ' that is so sweet

It's an odd source but the only place I could find it on the web. Scroll down here for the effect of caffeine on spiders: www.realjock.com/gayforums/428180