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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give my DS a milky coffee?

66 replies

CowboysGal · 19/04/2012 10:57

I have just had an old friend round for a bit of a catch up and a chance for us to get to know each other again after being out of touch for a couple of years. It wasn't very pleasant. She was fairly negative about my DS (oh isn't he shy, don't you take him to groups to socialise him/doesn't like sharing much does he/does he always shy away from adults) I brushed off the comments as firstly I'm not hugely worried about DS and secondly her 2yr old DD is her first child, DS is my fifth so I think I maybe have a little more experience under my belt. Having said that I don't pretend to know it all and sometimes us parents do things out of habit because we've always done it with older DC and it takes a fresh pair of eyes to point out when things may not be a great idea.
Thing that really narked me happened just before she was leaving. I made the two of us a coffee and DS asked for 'a warm brew' He often has one mid-morning. She was horrified. Now I'm not talking a shot of espresso here, he has 2/3rds milk some boiling water and a tiny hardly worth putting in but makes him think he is having the same as us bit of (decaffeinated instant) coffee.
She then went on to list the acceptable drinks for a toddler-fruit juice,water,milk,fizzy pop when dining out or having a take away!!
AIBU?
Is a warm milky drink most mornings with a minuscule amount of coffee in it worse than giving a toddler cola once or twice a week?
Starting to realise why we'd drifted apart in the first place

OP posts:

whatwhatinthewhatnow · 19/04/2012 11:38

Turns out friend was right and there is one study "evidence" of decaf being bad for you.

Newscientist article

But isn't everything bad for everyone?

chopchopbusybusy · 19/04/2012 11:38

YANBU. I can't remember the details but there was a thread a long time ago about a MNer living in Switzerland and the preschool children had a break for coffee every morning. Not especially weak coffee either.
When DD1 (now 18) was a toddler most of her little friends drank tea in sippy cups. She asked for some one day and I gave her some but she never asked again because I didn't add any sugar ;)

SpagboLagain · 19/04/2012 11:39

Yanbu. I give DS 2.5 tea made the same way. It's great to get them drinking something sugar free and with milk in it. Way better than cultivating a squash/pop habit, much better for teeth than juice or anything fizzy.

Once people become tea or coffee drinkers, it tends to stay with them, and I think that's not a bad thing

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 19/04/2012 11:40

YABU for giving anyone instant coffee.

Sorry, couldn't resist that but was just being facetious.

Seriously, your friend sounds bossy and overly critical. You could try answering her passive-aggressive questions, directly but in a calm manner: 'No, he's not overly shy; I'm not worried about him/Yes, we go to groups (or No, we don't go to groups, whichever is the case)/He is often shy with new adults, yes' and see how she responds.

I'd tell her politely that it's up to you what you give him to drink, too.

marshmallowpies · 19/04/2012 11:40

I was drinking caffeinated tea by the gallon at that age, I'm afraid...I developed a taste for it quite young and there is no going back for me, I fear...but I know children of a similar age drinking milky decaf coffee as a treat (not an everyday thing) and I'd say it's fine!

Bubbaluv · 19/04/2012 11:52

I often add a teaspoonful of my cappuccino to my DS's (3 and 4yo) babycinos. Makes them happy which gives me a minute or so to guzzle my coffee before they attack the sugar sachets.
Certainly got to be better than fizzy pop IMO - I would NEVER give them a cola or similar.

Helltotheno · 19/04/2012 12:01

For me, it's more that some drinks and some things generally are off limits because they're my little treats and I have an entitlement to get MYSELF a cuppa in peace now and then without my kids wanting the same. Kids are demanding and I don't see the harm in drawing the line somewhere. Like I said re DD, she's been clamouring (in vain) for tea for years but only gets decaf tea the odd time now for a treat. I'll have to start hiding my precious pear cider soon!!

Be confident in your own decisions OP - you're the boss in your own house. YANBU not to care less what other people do!

diddl · 19/04/2012 12:20

What I find odd is the giving coffee so that he thinks he´s having the same as you.

Would never have occurred to me to do that tbh.

Coffee & tea were always "adult" drinks to me.

My 16yr old has just started drinking tea on occasions & my 14yr old still drinks neither-is that odd?

SmethwickBelle · 19/04/2012 12:28

My mum used to give me milky tea in my sippy cup when I sat on the potty first thing in the morning. Didn't do me any harm (drains second cafetiere of the morning) twitch

Seriously though I wouldn't be raising an eyebrow at that, even if it was a weak full caff.

marshmallowpies · 19/04/2012 12:50

diddl it was wanting the same as grown-ups had which got me hooked on tea in the first place, I'd get into my parents' bed on a Saturday morning & ask for a 'sip of mum's tea'...and that was the slippery slope to caffeine heaven.

My best childhood friend and I used to ask for a mug of tea with a straw in as we thought it was sophisticated to drink it like that!

Also remember going to other people's houses and being offered tea to drink but it was 'tea for children' ie very milky, weak & sweet. I used to choke it down & wonder 'why haven't they given me proper grown-up tea?!'

ThePleaser · 19/04/2012 13:02

My 2yo DD regularily slurps my lukewarm fully caffinated sweet and milky tea if i am foolish enough to put the cup down where she can get at it. She seems to love it. She will beg for some if she knows i have some but it is out of her reach. She has tried the same with coffee but is not as keen on it as tea. Never occured to me that there was anything wrong with it.

I think your friend sounds like a total PITA OP and would happily consign her helpful comments to the bin.

diddl · 19/04/2012 13:13

I would think that it´s the sweetness that she likes,ThePleaser

Those of you who give tea/coffee-were you given it as a child?

I never was & perhaps that´s why it didn´t occur to me to give it to mine.

Cherriesarelovely · 19/04/2012 13:21

YANBU! My mum used to give me very milky coffee when I was very small! In fact I was once in hospital for a week (not coffee related!) and apparently I was always standing up in my cot crying for coffee and my mummy! My DD has been drinking weak tea without sugar for about 2 years now (she is 9), crikey there are alot worse things....very sugary drinks for example!

My Dd also used to be incredibly shy OP so i totally understand how you feel about all those comments "Oh, don't you take your DC out to socialise" etc, very annoying!

RevoltingPeasant · 19/04/2012 13:31

at crying for coffee and your mummy, in that order!

I was given tea from about early primary age - didn't really like it - and coffee was allowed on weekends from probably about 10 or so. We were also allowed very small amounts of beer from mid-primary age, which I did quite like.

Now drink a couple of cups of tea/ coffee a day and about 2 units of alcohol or less a week

RevoltingPeasant · 19/04/2012 13:33

And surely giving your DC tea and coffee with sugar in is quite bad? I don't have any sugar now in those drinks because my parents didn't so never developed a taste for it - but DP does and I think it's really bad for the teeth/ waistline.

flibbertywidget · 19/04/2012 13:37

simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caffeine

fizzy pop given to kids makes my skin crawl. I am proud smug that neither my dd or ds have ever had it. Stuff is effing awful and damages livers and kidney's. even worse when loaded with sweeteners.

My DD went through a stage of drinking the dregs from my decaf tea. but she and my DS only drink milk hot or cold now and for treats hot choc sometimes.

Coconutty · 19/04/2012 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toofattorun · 19/04/2012 16:44

I shouldn't find that link funny but I do!

bobbledunk · 19/04/2012 16:50

A teensy bit of decaffeinated coffee in milk is a hell of a lot better for him than any of the sugary, insulin spiking, tooth murdering crap she seems to think acceptable. I would have pointed out that fizzy drinks damage the bones as well as the teeth.

yanbu.

NCIS · 19/04/2012 17:00

I had tea from quite a young age, never had problems sleeping not sure what else it may do to you. Wasn't allowed sugar in it unless I was ill though. Our family only had coffee on saturdays at eleven o'clock.

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/04/2012 17:04

YANBU. DS1 who is 6 often has a cup of fresh coffee at the weekend. Has never had pop though as he doesn't like it

oopsi · 19/04/2012 17:06

Nothing at all wrong with decaff (I don't think a 2yo need to be worried about cholesterol and he's only drinking it in miniscule amounts anyway)

RustyKuntz · 19/04/2012 17:12

I always gave DD a milky, decaf coffee in .... a bottle (pats flames from arse) She never drank juice of any kind until she was 3 though

She's 8 now. No problems.

Your friend is a numpty, for all the other reasons you mentioned.

My earliest memory is having an accident and having to go to hospital. My mum sat me on her knee (in the front of the car ) and I had a sweet, milky bottle of tea.

I can't remember the pain, but I do remember a) being in the front and b) the tea

TheCountessOlenska · 19/04/2012 17:20

Coconutty yes indeed we have had this topic very recently!

I didn't comment last time but I will now!

OP, that sounds absolutely fine and lovely that he wants to have a warm drink with you - your friend sounds a nightmare!

I would do the same if DD ever asked (she hasn't shown interest in my brew thus far) but in my house it would be a milky caffinated tea (no sugar). I really can't see a problem with it! I drank tea from an early age - never had problems sleeping (or problems with iron levels, liver, kidneys whatever the hell else it's supposed to do to you). I drink about 3 cups a day now so hardly addicted.

Tea/coffee full of anti-oxidents!

weemumbelina · 19/04/2012 17:25

You could try giving him barleycup or dandelion coffee. They're nice and they both look like coffee but without the potentially harmful effects of the solvents used in decaff.

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