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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming over his lying rather than the porn!

71 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 18/04/2012 16:03

I'm nosey.

I looked through the history on MY laptop and found a porn site - with what looks like quite a few videos watched. I laughed at first and asked him when he'd been watching it, you dirty dog etc - to which he replied he hadn't and when would he have the time? The only time he would have the time would be when he sometimes can't sleep and tidies up downstairs ... and goes on ebay ... hmmmmm!

I've checked the properties and a few videos have been visited more than once but it only lists todays date and I can't find the time/date they were watched - does anyone know if you can do this?

Since I asked him the website hasnt been visited since! And I don't think he knows how to delete the history.

What is really eating me up is that I have the blatant truth in front of me on the laptop yet he swears blind he's not been on there. This now makes me doubt our entire relationship regarding other things I may have asked him if he's lying over something as small (well it WAS a small issue) as this.

What do you all think? and are there any web/computer wizz kids out there that can help me find out when they were viewed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/04/2012 16:53

Anyone?

Is there ANY way at all the sites got in my history without him looking at them?

Just want to double check before I ask him again!

Just can't stand him lying to my face and am hoping there is some explanation but I know there isn't! :(

OP posts:
wishiwasonholiday · 18/04/2012 16:54

Have you got antivirus etc on your laptop? Could it be a pop up he didn't mean to watch?

FoofFighterYNWAJFT96 · 18/04/2012 16:55

I know you sometimes get pop unders automatically happening on some websites, but then they'd have to be ones of "that variety" I think for it to be pronographic.

Pandemoniaa · 18/04/2012 16:55

Well they haven't looked at themselves, have they? So someone has been viewing these sites. If it isn't you, your children or the dog then I'd shine the Light of Interrogation firmly in your dp's eyes.

Debsbear · 18/04/2012 16:59

Does anyone else have access to your computer? Kids? His friends? If not, then why not have a chat to him about it. Explain that you are more bothered by his lying than the porn itself. He is probably very embarrassed by it and lied in the panic of the moment. I can understand why you are bothered by this (although I don't have a problem with porn, each to their own) I agree that it would be the lying that would worry me as well, but you may find that he will be honest if you are.

LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 18/04/2012 16:59

Of course its your dp but I don't blame him for lying. Couldn't you have been more discreet? "Wow, the list of things in this laptop/computers history are as long as my arm... anyway whats for dinner?" Don't make him more embarrassed. Looking at porn isn't illegal or the same as cheating imo.

5Foot5 · 18/04/2012 17:00

Is there anyone else in your house who may have accessed these?

History on IE usually indicates what day something was seen to a certain extent, i.e. by day for the current week then one week ago, two weeks ago etc.

If it is him then maybe he dened it because he was embarassed or thought you would make a big thing of it.

chocolatebuttin22 · 18/04/2012 17:02

Maybe he'a embarrassed, as some people see porn as a taboo subject. ALL men or at least most men and women watch porn so it shouldnt really be a shock, imo

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/04/2012 17:05

No-one else has access.

The porn truly isn't the issue ... it's how well he lied. Like other things (usually minor) he's lied about, I know he's lying but don't push it - for example how many pints he's had - like I'm really bothered! I just hate liers - even those tiny weeny ones!

But this time I have the evidence. I think.

I'm sure and I know this sounds childish he swore on my life he hadnt been on there. Nice.

He also came out with some comment the other day about not trusting him - guilt?

OP posts:
bowerbird · 18/04/2012 17:07

Perhaps he thinks it's private. That's why he's lying, and why I think YABU.

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 18/04/2012 17:10

Private? On my laptop?

He knows full well I don't have an issue with porn. It's the lying I have an issue with - which he knows is my bug bear.

OP posts:
LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 18/04/2012 17:12

Yes but its porn use. Are you expecting a schedule of self-love from him? Men watch porn. Some women do too. Do you tell him every teeny detail? "Darling, I think you should know something... I may have "over-rinsed" myself in the shower. Although it felt wrong it felt right. Can you ever forgive me?"

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2012 17:15

My DH used to work for a cable company in North America and I heard the greatest story ever! A little old lady called them and swore blind that her bill was wrong. There was a load of porn on PPV. It turned out that some kids had got hold of a universal remote and were watching porn through her window using the remote to turn it on. Not saying your DH is innocent (if you hear hooves look for horses not zebras) but you never know.

RachelWalsh · 18/04/2012 17:15

All men don't watch porn actually. What a ridiculous thing to say chocolate.

I don't think you are BU to be annoyed at being lied to OP.

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2012 17:17

I'd leave it, he's probably embarrassed as you caught him on the hop.

I told my DH the coat I bought today was £20 less than it was

I didn't have to....I just did Grin

Debsbear · 18/04/2012 17:19

RachelWalsh, bet they do Wink

Pandemoniaa · 18/04/2012 17:19

Anyone who swears on anyone's life is always lying! I wonder why liars never work this out?

picnicbasketcase · 18/04/2012 17:20

Just a mild warning: some angry women will be along in a minute to swell up with pride and tell you that it's not true that 'men look at porn' because their man certainly doesn't, never has, doesn't need to because they rock their world every ten minutes etc etc.

TBH, OP, I would feel the same. The porn is not ideal but not that much of a problem, but lying when you can see it right there is a big issue. There's no need for him to carry on lying.

picnicbasketcase · 18/04/2012 17:20

Ooops, X-post...

ABatInBunkFive · 18/04/2012 17:22

LOL @ private porn viewing on someone elses laptop, saves his own getting riddled with viruses i suppose ;)

bowerbird · 18/04/2012 17:23

You don't have a problem with porn? I'll take you at your word here, but respectfully, I think you might have a problem with control.

Why the investigation? The checking of times and dates? Who cares if you "don't have a problem with porn".

I note you're still checking: "Since I asked him the website hasnt been visited since! And I don't think he knows how to delete the history."

ABatInBunkFive · 18/04/2012 17:24

OFFS Why is it so hard for some people to get that porn use is the same as everything else, not everyone is going to be into it, i will grant you it's be rare for someone to have never seen any, butg not beyond the relms of possibility that there are men who don't watch it. Confused

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 18/04/2012 17:24

like worra I think its embarrassment, if the porn is not an issue to you smile at him, ask if they were any good then forget it

IslandMoose · 18/04/2012 17:27

Rightly or wrongly, he's embarrassed and (for whatever reason) doesn't want to admit to looking at the material.

If you don't have a problem with porn, why are you checking up on his browsing history?

PurpleRomanesco · 18/04/2012 17:29

She was checking her own browsing history, On her computer.

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