Do your friends invite you to dinner? or lunch?

[Moknicker]

This has been bothering me for a while - we entertain quite a bit - mostly have people over for sunday lunch. We always make an effort when people come over - usually three courses, good wine, aperitifs etc and we always have a nice time.(according to us)

But... a lot of the time, we don't get invited back. Im not the worlds greatest cook so it cant be that they feel they cant match my cooking. Im trying to rationalise it but am beginning to feel very paranoid.

AIBu to wonder if my friends trying to tell me something! and if so what on earth am I doing wrong?

I've dropped friends from the dinner/lunch/bbq invite list before now because they never reciprocate and I feel like they are freeloading (it costs a fortune to entertain). Real friends will invite you back, or repay in other ways imo.

Oh, and you're doing nothing wrong, apart from your choice of friends maybe.

Do they initiate other social events? Sone people don't like to entertain for any number of reasons which I think is ok, if they reciprocate in some other way eg pub lunches out or whatever?

I had the same issue. I stopped inviting people. it's a shame. Or we meet them at a neutral place where we share the bill.

I am trying to be fair about it and think that even if they dont invite us back, they are good friends to us in other ways (give us lots of hand me downs). I dont want to drop them because they are all really nice people.

Mega - think the idea of meeting at a neutral place with shared bill seems to be the way to go if there is no invite back for a while.

Unless your food is inedible, give the "friends" the old heave-ho.

I don't think you should judge real friends on whether they invite you for lunch or dinner. I hardly ever invite people to eat, but I have lots if very good friends and I am a good friend to those people too. I just hate entertaining, and I don't like cooking. I invite people for BBQs if anything, and I often have friends here for coffee.

If you want to invite people to yours, I don't think you should do it with the expectation of getting invited back. That will make it less enjoyable for your guests as they will begin to feel pressure, and if people are feeling pressured to entertain you, is it really worth it?

They might not have the space - you can tell I'm in London. They are shit planners?

My current group of friends don't really invite people round - we either go to a restaurant for a meal or to someone's house to get drunk for a chat.

Where I lived before, we always had people round for dinner and it was reciprocated.

It's a shame - I like having people round for dinner.

Do your friends enertain any other people? maybe they just don't like doing it/are shit cooks/hosts.

entertain*

I don't entertain whole families much because I just don't have the time to spare.

Is it a problem with space? We can only fit 6 round our table - and that's a squeeze! We also have a very small kitchen so when the table is out, you can't move round it easily.

With our friends we do pot luck dinners where we bring different courses/dishes and all bring wine. Usually the hosts are our friends with a 12 seater table, large kitchen/oven and no children!

Some people I know are very dinner party orientated. Tell me how do you say no thanks without offending a friend?.

It's not a merry go round I want to jump onto and yet there have been many times I've had no choice and before you know it you're on the 'rota' and there's no escape.

Smeared - they all have rather nice houses in London. (how on earth do you insert smileys on a thread??)
We all do have small kids but i would have thought that would have encouraged socialising.
Maybe they are all socialising with each other!!!

We've had my sister and BIL over a fair few times for big (lots of alcohol!!) nights and for family and birthday party (kids) things. Although we've been back to hers for family kids things she never asks us for a "proper" dinner party - even though we know she has other people for dinner (as well as BILs brother). It pisses me off because I feel we are not "good" enough to see them for dinner and they would rather see their friends who they want to impress.

I love my sis and feel bad complaining but it's really starting to bug me that and the way she interrupts me all the time.

Maybe it's too formal and they're a bit scared to invite you back because they don't have matching wine glasses or like our household, don't make Sunday roasts....

Or maybe you give off the vibe that you don't want to be invited back. Some people I know appear so bored sitting and chatting when they are not being the hosts. They seem so much happier when they are hosting because they don't have to make conversation so much. Could it be this?

Are your friends in a similar position to reciprocate? It took DH and me a while to be up to entertaining people - in terms of flat space / BBQ space / dealing with other life issues / general time and energy. We had quite a few unreturned invitations from a few friends during a difficult patch of family illness etc. Fortunately we are able to reciprocate now!

Did they use to invite you over? Do they invite other people? It might be that they are not up to the task at the moment for whatever reason. 3 courses would intimidate me even if the standard of them was low!

Otherside - our parties are pretty informal and relaxed (we think). Interesting point if we give out the vibe we dont want to be invited back- im not sure about that. I sincerely hope we dont. But i suppose it is probably a combination of people not being bothered and something we are not doing right in terms of being good company.
ARRGGHHHH

If I was unable to reciprocate because of lack of space or culinary skills, I would not keep coming over to your house merrily chomping your food and swigging your wine. The next time you offered I would say "why don't we meet at the pub/restaurant as I have no room/ I'm a shit cook but I don't want to keep imposing on you."

You don't need to keep a tally chart, but to keep turning up at someone's house eating their food and drinking their wine without reciprocating ever is rude!

What are your experiences. Do your friends reciporcate and does it all work out?

Personally, I was too knackered with small children to bother to entertain. Maybe they are not as organised/don't have as much energy as you.

'three courses, good wine, etc' I wouldn't want to have to be on a dinner party circuit with that much expectation hinging on it. And def not as a regular thing. It would feel like chore looming over me.

I do such a lot of family cooking anyway, to enjoy the company of people I like, I'd rather have a meal out or a takeaway with them and a bottle of plonk.

We don't entertain much as we simply don't have the space at ours, but we do go to our friends' when they host. I'd be really hurt if I was excluded for not reciprocating when it just isn't possible. But we always take alcohol with us when we go to a friend's, and offer to bring dessert.

I CBA basically, cooking is not fun for me because I do too much 'drudge' cooking, it's sucked the joy out of it.

If we are invited to someone else's then I try to make sure we bring booze and pudding so it's not all their bill. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do it aren't I? [gladforbbqseason]