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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu - DP and smoking in the house?

24 replies

chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 08:58

I have recently found out I'm pregnant and already have waves of nausea, hot flushes and I'm feeling quite tired. I also gave up smoking two weeks ago (luckily) and I'm still in the craving mode.

Last night I went to bed early, about 10ish with awful cramps worrying I might come on. I woke up to the smell of cigarette smoke which really pissed me off. DP usually smokes in the garden but he decided to smoke in the kitchen, right next to the bedroom!

So I'm in bed with awful cramps, neighbours stomping above my head and smelling smoke! Angry

I had a go at him and was quite raging because felt he had been completely selfish.

Now this morning he's the one looking all hurt and giving the silent treatment/didn't kiss me goodbye. Great.

Wibu?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 17/04/2012 09:03

No. YANBU.

Perhaps his shittiness is to mask his feelings of guilt, perhaps the latest anti-smoking campaign about 'invisible smoke' even when the window is open will have an affect on him, so he doesn't think it's OK to do once DC is born.

diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 17/04/2012 09:04

you are 100% not BU!
My DP does this and it drives me up the wall, (and I'm still a smoker Blush)
You maybe reacted more extremely than he's used to but that's to be expected. I'd just say "Sorry if I was a bit nasty about it but it really bothers me."
If you approach it like that and he still ignores you then he's being a KNOB.

Mrsjay · 17/04/2012 09:06

no i dont think you weere being unreasonable, he probably thought he could get away with a sneaky fag because you were in bed , Is this your first baby he maybe doesnt understand how rotten you are feeling , get him in the garden apologise for ranting and im sure he will be fine if not then tbh tough as you are going through a hard time atm .

Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 09:06

Exactly, I pointed out that second hand is just as bad so maybe I should carry on smoking if he's going to make me smell his (I wouldn't) he didn't say anything.

Would've been nice to get a 'well done for stopping' instead of smoking and making me want one! Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 09:07

I have to apologise?

OP posts:
Trickle · 17/04/2012 09:10

the raging may have been a wee bit U as for the smoking in the house while you are pregnant nevermind having given up (Bloody welldone you!) YANBU to think it's out of order. Does he think the baby is safe from second hand smoke? That the risk dissappears becasue it's him smoking not you? Not fair, not on and still a risk

Flisspaps · 17/04/2012 09:14

I wouldn't be saying sorry for anything about this!

Mrsjay · 17/04/2012 09:15

maybe not a snivelling apology OP maybe look i feel like shit and you are smoking in the house go out back would do Grin

I know what its like giving up smoking when pregnant its horrible you have cravings AND hormones raging ,

everlong · 17/04/2012 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 17/04/2012 09:17

YANBU, he needs to smoke outside now. He could think of it as practice for when baby gets here as presumably you wont want anyone smoking in your home then.

Never smoked though DP does. He has not been allowed to smoke indoors since the pee dried on the pregnancy test 5 years ago when I was expecting DD.

Occasionally, when it's raining, he will try to get away with smoking out the back door but luckily I don't need to do a thing- DD who is 4 and a half, chases him out the door and wont let him back in til he's finsihed. Grin

Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 09:36

I haven't even thought about smoking but when I smell it or see him rolling up, I start craving!

OP posts:
Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 09:38

I would like him to quit before baby comes, definitely

OP posts:
MagsAloof · 17/04/2012 09:40

No YANBU. Disgusting. I no longer smoke, but when I did I at least had the decency to go outside into the garden (DH has never smoked). Smoking inside is grim, full stop. Now is a good time for him to quit, too.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 17/04/2012 09:50

What a twat. That's quite disgusting behaviour in my opinion and this is from an ex smoker. When I first met my now DH, he used to come round to my flat and I would NEVER have smoked indoors. I used to stand beside my french windows and smoke with the doors open but as soon as my non smoking DH began to visit I went out.

He wasn't even pregnant! He just didn't like the smell and it's bad to breathe second hand smoke.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 17/04/2012 09:51

Congrats by the way! Have the cramps gone now?

Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 09:53

Thank you Mary, they were awful last night but have subsided today thank goodness :)

OP posts:
Yankeecandlequeen · 17/04/2012 09:59

well done you for stopping!! And your DH is being very selfish. Tell him he needs to start getting used to fagging outside as a smoky house is horrible & its not something you intends on brining a lovely baby into. xx

PurplePidjin · 17/04/2012 10:04

I wouldn't apologise, he's the one being unreasonable! He should be doing everything in his power to protect you both from any danger. I'm 7+4 and dp is currently impressed if I get the dishwasher loaded and dinner on the table (he works long hours, I'm unemployed)

Flisspaps · 17/04/2012 10:44

In fact, isn't it suggested that smokers don't handle babies at all of possible because of the chemicals from smoke lingering on their skin and clothes?

If so, point that out to him too because he'll be spending most of the newborn days showering and changing in between having a fag and having a cuddle otherwise!

Well done on quitting Smile

ElizabethPonsonby · 17/04/2012 10:49

It took a complete hormonal melt down on my part to get DP to stop smoking indoors when I was expecting dd 5 years ago, rational arguments were getting nowhere...

Kaluki · 17/04/2012 10:51

YANBU
He should be supporting you not making things worse.
I gave up smoking 2 years ago and I still get a craving when I smell one being lit up so no wonder you are 'raging'
If he can't give up himself he should go outside and shut the door behind him but I think the least he can do is attempt to give up himself.
My friends DH ony smokes at work and as soon as he is home he doesn't. He has done this since she found out she was pg and their son is 9 now.

SigmundFraude · 17/04/2012 10:59

Yanbu for being annoyed, that's perfectly understandable. Yabu for raging. Just ask him if he can smoke outside all the time because it makes you feel queasy etc..

Original poster
chipsandmushypeas · 17/04/2012 11:07

I guess it was the being woken up by the smell, mixed with awful cramps (which he knew about) that made me mad.

I hated him smoking inside when I smoked ffs

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 17/04/2012 11:17

Have you not agreed already that he won't smOke Indoors anymore? You need to. And get him to completely sign up to it - ie no fags after you are in bed! It's not difficult to smoke outside. The house will still be smokey in the morning so it is just not on when you are pg.

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