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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dining Table

65 replies

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 15:44

I've namechanged so that I don't 'out' myself.

Basically I don't particularly like the dining table and chairs we have. It's not to my taste and it's oval - whereas ideally i'd like a rectangular one so it fits in the room better and is more pleasing to my eye I also don't like the chairs (however DH has now done some basic DIY with them so they no longer creak/come out of the joints).

It's my DH's table and chairs and was a present from his parents.

He know's I would like to change it but we can't afford it and therefore I have 'learnt to live with it' as there is nothing fundamentally wrong with it.

My DH has said we'll look at changing it when a) we have more money b) we have done everything else we need to first or c) if it falls apart which are all fair enough.

I have just been offered a lovely almost spanking brand new table and 6 chairs, which is more to my taste and is rectangular, for absolutely free

DH has gone all quiet on the subject and says it will hurt his mum's feelings if we get rid of it now as it was a present.

I can understand this, however - and this is I think the important bit - it was a WEDDING present to him and his ex bitch of a wife. I don't think i'm being unreasonable to want to get rid of it now i've got the chance of a much nicer free one that will be ours, not his and his ex wife's.

AIBU?

Would it hurt your feelings if your son's new wife wanted to change a piece of furniture you'd bought him and his ex???? I see it as improving things, I'd still want to change it even if it hadn't been a wedding present iyswim.

Jeez, sorry that's a bit long!

OP posts:

DawnOfTheDee · 16/04/2012 15:46

YANBU.

It wasn't a present to you, it was to the ex so I would think his parents should understand.

Also, as the money thing is no longer an issue (as the new table is free) it does sound a bit like your DH is going back on his word that it can be replaced.

sooperdooper · 16/04/2012 15:46

Totally agree with you, and tbh I think his mum would see your reasoning - get rid!!

ExitPursuedByABear · 16/04/2012 15:47

YANBU -

Original poster

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 15:53

He's normally so reasonable about things that's I'm a bit taken aback tbh by his reaction, I wondered if I was missing something obvious??

However it appears not, thanks guys , and he must just be having a bad day...........or he's secretly gone out and bought me a new one anyway! (if he has he can cancel the order)

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 16/04/2012 15:54

omg!

i was reading and agreeing with you and sympathising with your husband... until i read the bit about it being a wedding present for him and his ex!!!!

i do not think you are being even the slightest bit unreasonable! i doubt his mother will care that much either.

Original poster

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 15:59

ah, thisis his mum, as much as I love her, can be a bit funny about things sometimes.

And now i've posted and thought a bit more, I actually think she will be seriously pissed off put out that we want to get rid. I say we as I wouldn't actually just get rid of the table without him agreeing to it as it was a gift to him.

[sigh]

OP posts:

Convict224 · 16/04/2012 15:59

Leave the bastard........

Sorry wrong thread. Hmm, well if it was me, I would get the new free more tasteful table; accuse my DH of still having an emotional attachment to his ex and suggest we need couple counselling. He is going to be so confused by all those ishoos that a new table seems like a reasonable compromise.

You're welcome!

bronze · 16/04/2012 16:00

Are both his parents still alive?

Convict224 · 16/04/2012 16:02

Bronze, are you suggesting the old table could be recycled into a coffin?

Love your thinking....

Methe · 16/04/2012 16:03

yanbu! You know what they say about not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

My Dining set cost £15 from ebay and I was stupidly chuffed with that.

rebecklet · 16/04/2012 16:03

Can you store the old one somewhere and then when all the smoke has died down accidentally on purpose lose it?

Original poster

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 16:04

bronze yes they are

convict he def doesn't have any attachment to her. I once in a very emotional and drunken state accused him of the very same, I did it to deliberately hurt him (which it did) and i'm still ashamed at my behaviour now, it was a low blow!

OP posts:

bronze · 16/04/2012 16:04

Convict

I wasn't actually, more that he might be more sentimental about it if it was a gift from someone who had died

YouOldSlag · 16/04/2012 16:06

YANBU. It's a relic from past marriage. It was bought for your DH when he was in love with someone else. It's not relevant in your life, so take the one YOU like. I prefer rectangle tables anyway personally.

I was married before DH but there's not one of my old wedding presents under this roof. I don't know if it's bad vibes or inappropriate or what, but it just felt wrong so I got rid of the few bits left from that.

thisisyesterday · 16/04/2012 16:07

i would accept the free table. then say to him that you really don't like the old one and that you feel weird using a table that was a wedding present.

it's really not anything to do with his mother. if she's upset that's unfortunate, but you can't just live with stuff and never get rid of it just because of her.

Convict224 · 16/04/2012 16:08

Umm, how about drilling lots of little holes in the offending table and muttering "woodworm" in a worried tone?

Original poster

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 16:09

[mopping up spat out drink from keyboard] haha re coffin comment

Yes, would store the furniture, but would prefer to sell on ebay/preloved so he can then buy me a nice new vase with flowers for the table for a bit of extra cash

OP posts:

supernannyisace · 16/04/2012 16:10

YANBU. I would have got rid of it long ago. I have managed to successfully remove almost all remnants of DH's XP - just a couple of things remaining that I finduseful at the moment.

I see how you feel that your DH doesn't want to upset his mother - but it was a gift to him and his 'previous'. So he should be more concerned about keeping you happy.

McPopcornMouseNFries · 16/04/2012 16:13

Can you tell her it got damaged in some way?

ToxicToria · 16/04/2012 16:13

YA definitely NBU I really wouldn't want anything that had been bought for my partner and his x wife's wedding so now you have the opportunity, get rid of it!

Shakirasma · 16/04/2012 16:14

YANBU

Get rid of it. If his mum is bothered then just say "its a nice dining set and it was a generous present. I'm sure it was perfect for Ex, but I am sure you understand that she is not me and I have different tastes to her."

grottielottie · 16/04/2012 16:16

Life's to short to live with ugly furniture or as William Morris put it

"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

oldmum42 · 16/04/2012 16:16

YANBU

Don't tell MIL you have a new table (if you go with the free offer), leave it up to her to mention.

Is the rectangle table able to seat 2 more people than the oval one, even if it would be a squeeze, because that could be your excuse (we wanted a slightly bigger table, this one can seat 8 with the two fold up chairs we are going to buy.....)

If she's catbumface at that, add the line "it was a lovely dining set but I always felt a little unhappy that it was exwife and DH wedding gift"

Original poster

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 16:17

Thanks everyone, I'm going to see what he says later when we are both home.

If he's still being difficult I am actually going to do something I usually dislike my friends for and I'm going to chuck a monumental, feet stamping, child like tantrum until he agrees !

It really is a lovely shiny, beautiful, rectangular table with no carver chairs (I hate carver chairs, we have two). If it had been non shiny and oval I wouldn't have cared and would have put up with the one we have a bit longer!

youoldslag He does still have a few other bits and bobs from when they were together, crystal glasses etc etc, however I don't allow them cupboard space and they are up in the loft - or did i make him put them in the garage?

His parents still have a group family shot with his ex on it, on their wall - i'm still undecided if I'm actually bothered about this or not

OP posts:

bobbledunk · 16/04/2012 16:19

yanbu, it wasn't a present to you and him so his mother has no right to be offended. Take the offer, it's horrible to have your eyesight tortured with ugly (to your eyes) furniture.

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