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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dining Table

65 replies

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 15:44

I've namechanged so that I don't 'out' myself.

Basically I don't particularly like the dining table and chairs we have. It's not to my taste and it's oval - whereas ideally i'd like a rectangular one so it fits in the room better and is more pleasing to my eye I also don't like the chairs (however DH has now done some basic DIY with them so they no longer creak/come out of the joints).

It's my DH's table and chairs and was a present from his parents.

He know's I would like to change it but we can't afford it and therefore I have 'learnt to live with it' as there is nothing fundamentally wrong with it.

My DH has said we'll look at changing it when a) we have more money b) we have done everything else we need to first or c) if it falls apart which are all fair enough.

I have just been offered a lovely almost spanking brand new table and 6 chairs, which is more to my taste and is rectangular, for absolutely free

DH has gone all quiet on the subject and says it will hurt his mum's feelings if we get rid of it now as it was a present.

I can understand this, however - and this is I think the important bit - it was a WEDDING present to him and his ex bitch of a wife. I don't think i'm being unreasonable to want to get rid of it now i've got the chance of a much nicer free one that will be ours, not his and his ex wife's.

AIBU?

Would it hurt your feelings if your son's new wife wanted to change a piece of furniture you'd bought him and his ex???? I see it as improving things, I'd still want to change it even if it hadn't been a wedding present iyswim.

Jeez, sorry that's a bit long!

OP posts:

Vinomcstephens · 16/04/2012 16:21

YANBU at all! Seriously, his mum bought it as a wedding present for the ex wife, and she expects you to think "super! How marvellous!" and not want to perhaps redecorate to suit your own tastes/wishes? If so, she's obviously mad as a trout and probably won't notice anyway
But being serious, get the dining set you want. None of her business at all and if she gets upset, turn up at hers, unload the old, wedding present set and gift it to her as she's obviously so attached to it. The hoof it out of there before she can say no. Tada! That way you get your new dream dining set AND you've got rid of the old one - job done!

FannyFifer · 16/04/2012 16:25

Absolutely get rid of it!
I have a friend who has to sleep in the bed (including mattress & duvet) her partner shared with his ex wife, he refuses to get rid of them as there is nothing wrong with them apparently.

ripsishere · 16/04/2012 16:25

Since the nice weather must be coming, could you use it out in the garden?

ENormaSnob · 16/04/2012 16:25

Yanbu at all

at convict224

BonnieBumble · 16/04/2012 16:28

YANBU. Even if the table and chairs was bought as a present for the pair of you you are still entitled to change it when it no longer meets your requirements.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 16/04/2012 16:31

I think any reasonable person would understand. It was a present to him and his ex, nobody would expect you to keep it.

Original poster

itsonlyfurniture · 16/04/2012 16:32

Fanny - the bed we have, used to be in the house he had with his ex (girlfriend before me, not ex wife)

However, it wasn't their bed and the mattress is new. He did want to keep all the duvet covers and stuff tho - think it must be a man thing,but to be fair to him, she left him in debt and he couldn't afford new stuff.

I just went out shopping before I moved in and bought some lovely new bed linen and dumped the old stuff in the bin whilst he watched, he soon got the point about that. He wanted to keep the towels too?? I bought new ones of those and relegated the old ones to dog towels!

OP posts:

DontHaveAtv · 16/04/2012 16:33

YANBU I think you've done well to keep it as long as you have. Take the new table! :)

marshmallowpies · 16/04/2012 16:35

If he really has no emotional attachment & is prepared to get rid of the table now there is the offer of a free one, this is the chance for him to prove it!

Or perhaps offer it to his ex & see if she wants it? I rehomed a few things recently by giving them to my exBF (things we had jointly owned) & was glad to get rid of them & make a clean slate of it.

Still have one major piece of furniture in my living room which dates from when I lived with exBF, but I always liked it best and it's been in my house now longer than it was ever under our shared roof so I figure that means it's mine now.

Rhubarbgarden · 16/04/2012 16:38

YANBU! Sabotage it. Or tell her something terrible happened to it - spilt bleach, iron burn, dropped pick-axe, aeroplane engine falling out of the sky...

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/04/2012 16:44

YANBU about the table, you should have things you love in your home.

But the glasses, really?

My DH got crystal glasses as wedding presents from his family when he married his ex, we have them in our cupboards and use them regularly. I really cannot see the issue. He is married to me now, not her.

NarkedPuffin · 16/04/2012 16:52

So he said you'd look at changing it when 'a) we have more money b) we have done everything else we need to first or c) if it falls apart which are all fair enough.'

And when offered a free table and chairs he brings up offending his mother???

That and the later comments about towels and bedding make me think he's rather anti change.

His mother will cope. It's not as if you've listed the table and chairs on ebay as collection only...

ChaoticAngel · 16/04/2012 16:55

YANBU

at Convict

RuleBritannia · 16/04/2012 16:56

It doesn't matter from whom the dining suite was given. It now belongs to the recipient. If the new 'couple' would like to dispose of it and have another, more suitable set, it's up them and not up to the giver of the original set.

Ohyoubadbadkitten · 16/04/2012 17:14

Who cares what his mum will think. It's your house and together you have the right to decide what goes into it.
I'd put my foot down on this one.

tartyflette · 16/04/2012 17:20

I see the exW didn't seem to want it either! You definitely need to get rid of it.

Eglu · 16/04/2012 17:20

YANBU at all His Mother will need to get over it.

diddl · 16/04/2012 17:27

Hmm, let me see-chance to get rid of something you don´t like & replace fro free-YANBU!

Could you fit it anywhere else-such as the kitchen?

Would his parents like it?

Psammead · 16/04/2012 17:57

I think it would be a shame if you slipped whilst carrying a sledgehammer in the vicinity of one of the chairs. You may need to slip several times.

Just kidding, no need to be sneaky. Offer it to the ex? Or your MIL? But do get the new one. Could you use the old one as a desk?

LindyHemming · 16/04/2012 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marshmallowpies · 16/04/2012 19:11

Ooh that's a good point from Psam - perhaps someone else in the family would like it even if the ex doesn't? If its gone to a good home of a sibling/cousin/friend etc it's perhaps more reassuring to the MiL than if it had gone to a stranger via eBay or Gumtree or whatever.

OddBoots · 16/04/2012 19:12

Do you have anywhere in the house you could put some of the chairs? Hall, landing, guest room? Even if that is just for a while until things blow over.

HokeyCokeyPigInaPokey · 16/04/2012 19:30

YANBU, get rid and get the new one in!

Yankeecandlequeen · 17/04/2012 10:06

YANBU - can't you accidentally damage it with a hammer?!?!

Get a new one!

knowwhenyouhavebeenbeaten · 17/04/2012 10:10

It would be long gone if it was me. HTH.

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