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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman at the school is a poisonous cow

73 replies

boringnickname · 16/04/2012 11:15

and just vent my spleen here because im too nice to say the bad things im thinking! What i know i AM BU is the fact i tend to feel the same about her DD but i know its not her fault, she gets it from her mother.

This girl has a history of "bullying" other children. Not to any huge degree, but subtle things. I tried to overlook it, she is friends with my DD (when she choses to be) - the history has been incidents each year. The mother always slagging people off - i was niave to think she wasnt doing it about me wasnt i? (assuming she has)

But now enoughs enough - Have told my DD to keep away from this girl and thinking about requesting they are not in the same class next year.

The straw that broke the camels back - DD soooo excited as was invited to other girls house over easter, every time coming home from school saying she was going - then on the last day of term DD home in tears, X says i cant go now mummy - why? she doesnt like me anymore :( They are six. I can't help but think that this has come from the mother - everything was fine until parents evening and i suspect something may have been said to her about her daughter bullying other children (i know other parents made complaints). So, i didnt hear anything from her then got a text from her to say how many children she had had round on playdates, what a lovely time she had etc, fine. Then got a text saying that that the dance class that was cancelled for the next day was back on and i know full wel it wasnt because i had seen the teacher - i texted to check. I know it sounds mental but i genuinely think (and more to the point so does my DP who doesnt do playground bitching) that she was doing this maliciously so that my DD would get upset (she would have as she is a bit of a blubber if things dont go to plan poor lamb). She sent this text after i replied to her saying that we had had a lovey easter etc, DD seen other children ( i actualy think she was jealous).

You know when you just have an underlying feeling about someone? So of course i saw her this morning and just feel Angry, smied sweetly and said hello but really wanted to tell her what i thought, i wont, of course, but some people......

OP posts:
manicbmc · 16/04/2012 11:21

She sent you a text to tell you a dance class was on that you knew had been cancelled? Odd woman. Hmm

Original poster
boringnickname · 16/04/2012 11:23

Had it been anyone else manic, i would have just thought, oh, she has made a mistake - because its an easy enough one to make, but i just KNEW it. I didnt say anything to DP, he called me on it - so we checked, it was still very much cancelled - no dancing on church property on easter saturday dontcha know! Grin

OP posts:
NurseJennyLee · 16/04/2012 11:25

Back off from her, remain polite. She can't get to you if you don't engage. I'll never understand people like this, I know it's hard but try to encourage your daughter to also play with others so she's not relying on this girl so much.

Kladdkaka · 16/04/2012 11:28

Sounds like her picnic is missing a few sandwiches.

melika · 16/04/2012 11:31

Do the pleasantries, nothing else and move on. There are 28 other parents to talk to in DD class.

cupofteaplease · 16/04/2012 11:33

I had this with another mother, always texting to 'brag' about what they'd been up to, and how popular her child was. She would go to events and then text me to say, 'Oh, didn't you know about it? So and so (insert name of current popular mum) invited me'.

It was a toxic friendship and it took a lot of strength to distance myself from her and remain firm. She is now in with the popular crowd, and I am free to spend time with loyal people.

Ultimately my dd1 is happier too as she doesn't have to mix with her dd, who often told lies or caused trouble and was very spiteful (she pushed dd1 down the stairs from top to bottom at a party at our house, for example).

Be strong!

Original poster
boringnickname · 16/04/2012 11:34

NurseJenny, yes, i am actively encouraging other friendships. I do feel a bit sorry for this woman, she has a "Cath kidstone" lifestyle (her decription not mine) but i can't help but think it is there to paper over the cracks. But you know, i can't take shit from people just because i feel sorry for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
boringnickname · 16/04/2012 11:35

bloody hell cupoftea, it almost sounds like we could be talking about the same woman!

OP posts:
totallyskint · 16/04/2012 12:03

Work with what you know.

She's unreliable, she tells lies, she backstabs.

Her dd is a bit of a bully. Her dd lives with an odd mother and is likely to pick up odd habits.

Probably best avoided. If the kids want to play together at school, fair enough, but don't do playdates or any other shared activities. Not worth it.
We had one like this and I just explained to my dd that there were some kids you only see at school and whose parents are nutjobs

Hownoobrooncoo · 16/04/2012 12:06

Unless the text was a misunderstanding then just avoid, avoid, avoid. Some folk are really nuts and can really get to you if you let them or even if you don't, I lived next door to one for a few years. - nuts and unstable.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 12:12

ROFL at 'Cath Kidston lifestyle'!! She sounds pretentious and up her own arse that one!

Like others have suggested, I would remain polite to the mother but just be very vague with her, and encourage your DD to play with others. I think it would be a good idea too if you do request she and your DD are separated next year.

fluffiphlox · 16/04/2012 12:14

Most cath kidston stuff is both plastic-y and pretentious - is that what she means?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 12:15

It would make me giddy waking up each day in a house filled with Cath Kidston floral wallpaper and bunting, oh and that cowboy print wallpaper too!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 12:16

OP, I would plead ignorance and say 'Ooooh I've never heard of a CK lifestyle before, what's one of those then?' and make her squirm whilst explaining her daft ideas

CamperFan · 16/04/2012 12:24

I would avoid purely on the Cath Kidston comment OP, what a twat!

Originalplurker · 16/04/2012 12:24

I withdrew for speaking to a mum at the school for same reason but not as bad and as fecked up this parent seems to be. I also told ds to keep away from the other child.

I don't think you ABU actually. I think you've been quite patient and tolerant.

It amazes me now many parents I co e across are in denial about their child's behaviour and the get a shock when the school ime ends up spelling it out to them, and you eventually see the, being called over at pick. I must admit I've thought thank god that little beep is being dealt within after weeks of nastiness.

No yanbu.

Originalplurker · 16/04/2012 12:27

Aha, maybe she should stop folding floral towels and baking I her vintage kitchen and actuall attend to some parenting issues, really......

NurseJennyLee · 16/04/2012 12:27

Cath Kidston lifestyle? I bet she aspires to own a cupcake business too. Grin

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 12:27

LOL @ Originalplurker Grin

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 16/04/2012 12:31

ON the CK lifestyle alone I would avoid. (not that I know what a CK lifestyle is but I hate all that flowery stuff. )

16april · 16/04/2012 12:36

I would avoid her and also try to steer your DD away from hers.

Dont invite her DD to yours either. They will be at primary school for a few years now and it would best to try and put a stop to their friendship sooner rather than later. I have known similar mothers like this at the school and it doesnt get any better. Smile politely but I would definately delete her number from your phone.

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 12:42

Actually I think you both sound as bad as each other. You with your paranoia and imagined slights and her if she did deliberately try to mislead you about a dance class (although you don't know that).

As for your 6 year olds falling out because of the mother instigating it - we'll that just sounds unhinged. 6 year old girls can be nasty off their own back without any encouragement. Nobody's child is perfect all of the time.

If you don't like her just don't see her any more but telling your daughter not to be friends with her because of that is just petty and mean. If your daughter is being bullied deal with it like an adult and speak to the school.

BBQJuly · 16/04/2012 12:46

I quite like Cath Kidston stuff Blush But of course that has nothing to do with whether someone chooses to be nice, kind, honest and polite. I guess you have two options.

  1. You could talk very directly with the mother and say "Why was X univited to the party? That seems a really unkind thing to do" and "Why did you tell me the class was on when it was definitely cancelled?" Then she will realise she can't bully you andmay be less likely to talk behind your back as you will appear "on the ball" about what she's like.

or 2. Rise above it.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 12:49

The 'Cath Kidston lifestyle' reminds me of a mum I knew years ago when DD1 was at primary school. Her husband owned a business and they seemed to be doing well; nice car, nice clothes, lots of holidays, big house. She used to say to everyone that would listen that they lived 'just like the Beckhams'

maras2 · 16/04/2012 12:50

Hex.That would be the truth coming from me. < slopes off to google C.K. > OP, she's nuts you and your DD sound nice.Avoid this daft woman,you know it makes sense. Mx.

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