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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman at the school is a poisonous cow

73 replies

boringnickname · 16/04/2012 11:15

and just vent my spleen here because im too nice to say the bad things im thinking! What i know i AM BU is the fact i tend to feel the same about her DD but i know its not her fault, she gets it from her mother.

This girl has a history of "bullying" other children. Not to any huge degree, but subtle things. I tried to overlook it, she is friends with my DD (when she choses to be) - the history has been incidents each year. The mother always slagging people off - i was niave to think she wasnt doing it about me wasnt i? (assuming she has)

But now enoughs enough - Have told my DD to keep away from this girl and thinking about requesting they are not in the same class next year.

The straw that broke the camels back - DD soooo excited as was invited to other girls house over easter, every time coming home from school saying she was going - then on the last day of term DD home in tears, X says i cant go now mummy - why? she doesnt like me anymore :( They are six. I can't help but think that this has come from the mother - everything was fine until parents evening and i suspect something may have been said to her about her daughter bullying other children (i know other parents made complaints). So, i didnt hear anything from her then got a text from her to say how many children she had had round on playdates, what a lovely time she had etc, fine. Then got a text saying that that the dance class that was cancelled for the next day was back on and i know full wel it wasnt because i had seen the teacher - i texted to check. I know it sounds mental but i genuinely think (and more to the point so does my DP who doesnt do playground bitching) that she was doing this maliciously so that my DD would get upset (she would have as she is a bit of a blubber if things dont go to plan poor lamb). She sent this text after i replied to her saying that we had had a lovey easter etc, DD seen other children ( i actualy think she was jealous).

You know when you just have an underlying feeling about someone? So of course i saw her this morning and just feel , smied sweetly and said hello but really wanted to tell her what i thought, i wont, of course, but some people......

OP posts:

16april · 16/04/2012 12:50

I dont think she is being paranoid at all.

Yes children can be nasty without encouragement but if the other mother is as pathetic as described, I doubt the daughter will be any different.

I saw similar when my children were at primary and the children whose mother's were bathstabbing gossips, their children turned out the same unfortunately.

I wasted years giving some mothers the benefit of the doubt which I regretted.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 12:52

So true that the DCs turn out just like the parents! If the parents are braggers, the children usually are too. Gossipy bitchy mums produce gossipy bitchy tell tale children. Alpha mum's daughter is usually the alpha female of her class.

treedelivery · 16/04/2012 12:52

ROFL at telling anyone you have a 'Cath Kidston lifestyle'

And I speak as someone with a frock and some wallpaper.

The 6 year old may well have uninvited your dc off her own bat - but I'd still do the distance thing. About a million miles or thereabouts. Purely on that statement

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 12:53

There's no real evidence. It's all feeling.

I didn't think grown ups behaved like this. Certainly no one I know broods over things that may or may not be happening. We talk about stuff like adults.

zookeeper · 16/04/2012 12:57

You both sound awful tbh. The competitive texting and you telling your 6 year old to keep away from her classmate. Really really childish.

I would avoid the pair of you like the plague.

16april · 16/04/2012 13:00

I didnt think adults behaved like this either until my children went to primary school.

I really think that some mothers behave the same way they did when they were at school.

I thought it would be lovely to meet lots of new people at the school and I did meet a few fantastic mums but unfortunately there are some really twisted parents there too.

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 13:00

Thank goodness Zookeeper. I was beginning to despair!

zookeeper · 16/04/2012 13:03

I know what you mean...

Originalplurker · 16/04/2012 13:05

But why wouldn't you advise yOur child to stay away from a bully, the op seems to have enough info from other parents and her ds to go on.

And why wouldn't you want to stay away from someone who blatantly lies and is a big showy off ?

ENormaSnob · 16/04/2012 13:09

Wtf is a cath kidston lifestyle?

LondonKitty · 16/04/2012 13:11

I have a friend who had a Cath Kidson lifestyle, but then she went all Orla Kiely. She's been much more subtle since...

She probably sold the the first lifestyle on Achica dotcom or one of these places....

zookeeper · 16/04/2012 13:13

sigh.
Becaue the shcild is 6 years of age FFS
Because six year old girls fall out every five minutes.
Because telling your 6 year old to keep away would very likely lead to the other six year old being upset.
Because the bullying is, as the Op says "not to any huge degree but subtle things" (and proabably based upon gossip from other mums)
Because that's not the way to treat people.
Because it's better to try to encourage tolerance betweeen the dcs

I'm really depressed at the opinions on this thread

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 13:14

You mean the information gathered from gossiping Original? I think I would talk to the teacher who is there instead of relying on playground bitching.

The children have an excuse for behaving like 6 year olds. The parents don't and if you read the op again you'll see the op has evidenced herself behaving badly but is only able to give "a feeling" as evidence for the other woman's supposed behaviour. Nasty.

zookeeper · 16/04/2012 13:15

lol KM - see you at the school gates. Hopefully

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 13:15

I can't see why it's depressing zookeeper

On threads if a woman posts and says that someone she knows isn't pleasant or makes nasty remarks or whatever, then the general consensus is to avoid the person. I cannot see anything cruel about this. We can't get on with everyone and sometimes it is best to avoid people we don't/won't get on with. It's not like the OP has told her DD to bully this other girl, just to avoid her. I have advised my DD to avoid a child that was bullying her in the past. Why should a child have to tolerate someone who bullies them just to 'encourage tolerance'? I find that thought quite depressing myself!

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 13:16

Yes I also wondered why people would pile in to support behaviour which I suspect many have been on the receiving end of (gossiping, passive agressive messages, stirring and bitching) judging by some of the comments. Most odd.

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 13:17

Yeah I'll be the one not texting and minding my own business Zoo

zookeeper · 16/04/2012 13:23

There's no evidence of bullying, other than the op listening to gossip.
I think the mature adult kind thing to do would be to make light of the withdrawn invitation (which, as with most six year olds, will be withdrawn and reoffered several times in the course of a week) and perhaps gently encourage her to form relationships with others in the class too (without overtly avoiding the "bully".

How would you like it if your six year old came back in tears saying that noone would play with her because x's mum said to keep away from her? Because that's the way this is going.

What is this teaching them about adult relationships?

Childish and spiteful behaviour in adults is really depressing

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/04/2012 13:28

My 7 year old DD got hassle from a girl in her class for several months; this girl was continually thumping her, saying unkind things and deliberately hurting her feelings. and yes, I told DD to keep away from her, just as I too would keep away from someone who treated me badly. It doesn't do children any harm to learn about actions and consequences. Consequence of not being nice is that no one will want to be friends with them!

Originalplurker · 16/04/2012 13:29

Yes 6 yr olds fall out but it depends what why etc as to whether I give stay away type advice. I had this through reception year and my ds and other child were separated by staff during activities, I did speak to school regularly, I believed my ds and I did hear other stuff.

I'm not in the habit of allowing my child to 'feed' a bullys self esteem issues.

Anyway what's wrongs with venting and admitting you just dont like someone and what they have done, it's clear these mums have different parenting styles so why not advise stay away, ime it's the better option or you end up with confrontations in playground, speaking from unpleasant experience here.

vigglewiggle · 16/04/2012 13:30

Hullygully · 16/04/2012 13:31

Put some E in her tea and cheer her up

KatieMiddleton · 16/04/2012 13:32

I think some of you are projecting your own experiences to justify the OP's appalling behaviour. The irony is that the behaviour the op is describing of herself is bullying.

I bet all of you who have had children bullied spoke to the school and relied on actual evidence not playground gossip. At least I hope so.

Originalplurker · 16/04/2012 13:33

Ok stay away from mum and speak to teachers if you suspect bullying.

UsedtobeYummy · 16/04/2012 13:33

I have a friend who manages to get info out of people without ever giving any...

She's always been with 'a friend' (never names friend), she goes out or wasn't at home... but she'll ask who I went out with and where did I go!!

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