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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH my password

51 replies

Bambino81 · 16/04/2012 10:19

My DH works in IT, we have two PC's and a laptop in the house. He's managed to take over them all. He changes hard drives so my music/pics etc go missing, he assures me they're all safe and I believe him but it just annoys me because nothing is my own.

So I went and got an iPad yday, so i could have my own thing without anyone interferring. Obv DH and DD both wanted a play on it, so we all had a day of playing yday. I noticed he's already downloading crap on it, so I passworded it so he can't get on it. AIBU to do that?

OP posts:
manicbmc · 16/04/2012 10:21

Sounds perfectly reasonable.

Debsbear · 16/04/2012 10:21

I wouldn't dream of giving other half my password for anything! What?? Have him reading what I post on "my" pages?? Grin

Safire · 16/04/2012 10:22

YANBU. Has he not heard of boundaries?

Original poster
Bambino81 · 16/04/2012 10:23

I feel in my right to do it but the hurt face. He gave me this morning made me feel awful for five mins

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 16/04/2012 10:24

YANBU He needs to respect the fact that it's yours and he doesn't get to download stuff onto it.

MadameChinLegs · 16/04/2012 10:24

Good lord is nothing sacred anymore? YADNBU

Your Dh needs to stop.interfering with other peoples possessions.

Stand firm.

Original poster
Bambino81 · 16/04/2012 10:25

We're both pretty open and I know he wouldn't read my emails or anything like that, I just want something to be for me... God knows us mums don't get much for ourselves anyway

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 16/04/2012 10:25

No, but I'd be having serious words about his lack of trust!

Saltire · 16/04/2012 10:26

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable. Although, those who are saying they wouldn't give out their passwords, I know DH's passwords to access his internet account and also his facebook - however, that's mainly so that if he's away and there's a problem I can access the user control panel whatever the hell that does on the pc, and to forward any email to his hotmal email

Original poster
Bambino81 · 16/04/2012 10:27

I just fell in love with NM's a little bit more...

*downloads porn. Jk :o

OP posts:
tinkertitonk · 16/04/2012 10:29

Refuse. Refuse politely, but firmly. If he gives you the hurt look ignore it and hope he grows up.

madeupstuff · 16/04/2012 10:29

Bringing his work home with him (perhaps not literally, but still working with the sort of things he may be working with at work). From an IT/tech perspective see if you can make him either think of you as a customer or apply the rule of 'if it's not broken leave it the fuck alone'. Either of which should mean you get a bit of control back and establish some boundaries.

Knowing that I can be quite guilty of this, but think that I manage to resist being a complete arse over it most of the time.

manicbmc · 16/04/2012 10:31

Sounds like he has plenty of other computers to tinker with and download to - tell him to stop with the wounded looks. It's your ipad.

Bluegrass · 16/04/2012 10:34

Meanwhile in a parallel universe:

"for years I have had to be IT support in our household, sorting out anything that goes wrong with our computers so I have always had administrator access. My husband has just bought an iPad but is suddenly being weirdly possessive about it and refusing to let me have the password. AIBU to feel a bit suspicious about this? It feels like they have something they want to hide?

Peppertire: hmmm. That does sound weird. Is there anything else they are doing to make you suspect an affair. You need to see if they are messaging from this iPAd. Perhaps leave the bastard?"

QuintessentialShadows · 16/04/2012 10:34

Tell him: ~I would not need to get an ipad and password protect it if it was not for the fact that you have taken over all the pcs in the house and treat them as your own toys. ~

QuintessentialShadows · 16/04/2012 10:35

Good point Bluegrass Grin

Original poster
Bambino81 · 16/04/2012 10:44

Oh he is self employed and works from home btw

I don't mind him using it if he asks but I do want something for my own..

OP posts:
mumatron · 16/04/2012 10:50

I would tell him the password but warn him if he carries on downloading crap you will be changing it and not telling him.

You should be able to keep the actual Ipad unlocked and just have a password for when he tried to download stuff.

FoxyRoxy · 16/04/2012 10:57

mumatron he's probably using his own appleID to download crap.

No need for the hurt face if you're honest and tell him you're fed up of him fiddling with stuff that doesn't need fiddling with and you want somewhere to keep your music and photos where you know at all times that they're there and not downloaded to some random external HD somewhere because he's messed about with another PC.

I have passwords on my laptop and iPhone because they are mine. Not for DS to play Moshi Monsters and not for DH to faff with either.

YANBU.

WhatTheCatDraggedIn · 16/04/2012 10:59

Tell him to get his own IPad.

I have one, it was a present to me. My family thinks it's ours. I don't mind them using it, but they are not allowed to download stuff onto it without checking.

Bluegrass Smile good point well made!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/04/2012 11:08

I have my own laptop with a password cos I was sick of the other shared one being full of crap. wish I could password everything else as it seems whatever I buy for myself no matter how well I bury it at the back of a cupboard or fridge it gets found and used by DS1 who cannot see why I get mightily cross when I go for it to find it half gone. I just like my own things

kitcatcandy · 16/04/2012 11:10

My husband and I share a laptop, but it was originally his, so I'm just squatting. We both have our own logins on the laptop to keep it all separate. (do wish he would delete some crap off it as it runs slow and I use it for work)

I also have an iPad. We both use it, me mostly, but he always asks before he downloads something to it, as it takes up space and that is limited on the iPad. I would make it clear it's yours, and would ensure you have it setup so you have to put your apple ID password in before any app can be downloaded. I think having the password on the lock screen could be a bit secretive, but its not unreasonable to stop him putting crap on it using the app store password.

As mentioned above he may be using his apple I'd, just remove that account and tell him he can't add it back.

Does he have a fancy touchscreen phone, because you wouldn't put crap on that would you? To me it's the same.

Tell him he can't put photos or music on it either, unless he asks.

I imagine the hurt face is just because like anyone into gadgets he would really like his own iPad, or to spend the next 48 hours playing with yours non stop in his jimjams :)

Original poster
Bambino81 · 16/04/2012 11:16

Kitcatcandy you've hit the nail on the head! He's crazy about gadgets. And yes he has a fancy touch screen phone, I gave him mine cause He loved it so much and I wasn't overly fussed, so we swapped phones.

The password is only on the apps.

He's already asked if he can watch the football on it later and use it for his guitar >.< I said he can as long as he deletes that crap off after.

I'm hoping it's just an obsession cause it's a new gadget in the house and it will die off after a week, or till he finds a flaw in it that he doesn't like and it puts him off lol.

I'm going to custom it so everything is pink, that should repell him a bit :o

OP posts:
littleducks · 16/04/2012 11:17

Dh is in IT, we have a couple of laptops and a media centre which are all networked. He has systems and administrator access to everything. I don't mind as such but he does start treating me like a 'user' sometimes, and I flat out refuse to comply to his file naming etiquette. So all my files are in a separate directory.

I haven't told him to piss off because it is him who fixes everything, he can remote desktop access my pc and find/send me files in emergencies and I really appreciate that. I do quietly rebel in my own corner by not naming files with every word capitalised Wink it's probably me that should grow up!

My iPhone I keep control off, it has no games, which keeps kids off and I haven't let dh install stuff on it.

plutocrap · 16/04/2012 11:30

DH has appropriated my tablet (not even poor DS gets a look in), so there was no way I was going to bow to his pressure to get an iphone (which I didn't want; I wanted an android phone), as he would have pissed off with that, too! I am now happy with my android phone, but a bit nervous because someone else has just been telling him androids havr more functionality than iphones. Oh, dear. Hands off!

The downloading thing drives me mad on the laptop, too, e.g. if we are away and my laptop is lighter, newer and actually works --because I can actually be bothered to ensure I have a light, well-maintained laptop, wiyh virus protection anc eithout lots of random crap slowing it down!

As for his pissing about with your files, surely that would be a disciplinary matter for an IT person at work?!