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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to date a man because

64 replies

bucketbetty · 15/04/2012 16:49

he can't spell very well, he uses the word 'hun' and he's recently lost his job? I don't want to be a snob, but bad spelling is usually enough to put me off. I'm trying to keep an open mind but it doesn't feel right to bother with a date if they don't fit my most basic criteria. My problem is, I've been single forever and friends keep telling me I'm too fussy. I don't think I am. What do you worldly folk think?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 15/04/2012 16:55

I don't blame you. Why date a man that's not right for you just for the sake of having a man in your life, would rather be single

NickNacks · 15/04/2012 16:58

Maybe he's dyslexic? My DH is and spells appallingly - very phonetically.

IAmBooyhoo · 15/04/2012 17:00

if it bothers you now it will always bother you so i would say move on and let this guy find someone who doesn't care about his spelling.

LindyHemming · 15/04/2012 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletforya · 15/04/2012 17:01

It totally depends on how hot he is?

Kladdkaka · 15/04/2012 17:02

My husband is a nuclear scientist and can do sciency maths stuff that would make your ears bleed. He can't spell to save his life.

LesAnimaux · 15/04/2012 17:03

You obviously don't fancy him enough, so no, YANBU.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2012 17:07

If you spend all your time together writing, then it could get on your nerves Hmm

How would you know how well someone can spell? and why would it bother you on a daily basis?

It's a very strange value base to judge relationships (and people) on, tbh.

hatesponge · 15/04/2012 17:07

spelling wouldn't bother me much (I dated someone who was dyslexic and his spelling was terrible) nor would the loss of the job - assuming he was looking for something else of course.

However being called 'hun' would be a dealbreaker for me Grin

There is no harm BTW in knowing what you want, being fussy is good, it means you don't end up with a crappy relationship that makes you unhappy just because something is better than nothing.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2012 17:10

There should have been a few Confused added to my post, i meam, wtf.

Spelling Confused.

Are you going to have it written into your marriage vows?

"I promise never to get a brain injury/condition that will mean that i lose the ability to spell"

It could replace, "in sickness and in health"

BupcakesandCunting · 15/04/2012 17:10

YANBU but I once dated someone who I nearly almost ditched after the first date because of his txt spk wys. Instead I just told him out straight: the text speak is really off-putting. He stopped and wrote texts/emails properly and since that was the only thing bugging me, we had a successful time shagging dating for a while. Grin

ChaoticAngel · 15/04/2012 17:12

YANBU You're not fussy, you have standards. Agree with everything sponge has just said, in her last paragraph.

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:13

Ok it might not only be his spelling, but other stuff, she does not sound like she fancies him anyway

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:14

Exactly hatesponge.

TheMonster · 15/04/2012 17:15

The spelling would be less of an issue than him using the non word 'hun'.

Original poster
bucketbetty · 15/04/2012 17:20

Okay, pretty strong views on the spelling aspect then, interestingly few of you even mentioned the fact that he does'nt have a job. I'm not sure I want to get involved with someone who is unemployed. He is hot by the way. Smile

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 15/04/2012 17:21

I have a profile on a couple of dating websites and I put not to contact me using textspeak on them. If someone contacts me and there are a couple of spelling mistakes it doesn't bother me if the grammar is fine. However, if they use textspeak when contacting me they get ignored.

IAmBooyhoo · 15/04/2012 17:27

i used to have a profile on a dating site and i had a list of a few things that were 'no to contact' reasons. i used to get a few arseholes putting them all into the message they sent just to wind me up and then a guy messaged me saying that i cam across as quite hostile and off -putting and rather than putting these things on my profile to give dickheads the heads up to hide these traits, why not delete them from the profile, let people message me with what they think is the best opening message without any hints from me and i can use my list then as a guide on which to bother with. i thought he was lovely for doing that TBH.

ivykaty44 · 15/04/2012 17:29

bucketbetty - there are a growing number of people that have become unemployed and that number is going to grow rather more. It is not a crime to be made redundant you know Hmm It may even happen to you...than what would you do? Not exactly easy to dump yourself

Original poster
bucketbetty · 15/04/2012 17:31

IAmBoo... I once emailed a guy on a dating website to let him know his ad came across as hostile, I said it in a nice way with a little smiley at the end to confirm the lightness of my response to him (he emailed me first). He replied telling me I needed a psychiatrist, it was a shame my personality wasn't as nice as my face and that I was generally an ugly person - there are some strange folk out there. I didn't take it personally Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
bucketbetty · 15/04/2012 17:32

Ivykaty - very true - I won't be in a position to dump myself Smile

OP posts:
MagsAloof · 15/04/2012 17:33

Really shit spelling is a turn off for me (unless English isn't their first language).

Losing your job, though, shit - could happen to any of us. YABU on that.

'Hun' doesnt bother me in RL, only on MN Grin

AmnesiaCustard · 15/04/2012 17:34

"Hun" is bad but "Babes" would be worse.

IAmBooyhoo · 15/04/2012 17:37

you do get some strange people with strange 'ideas' on dating sites dont you? i was really appreciative of teh guy that messaged me. he wasn't interested in me but he took the time to let me know where i might be going wrong. i thought it was a nice thing to do.

pigletmania · 15/04/2012 17:37

Yabu about loosing a job could happen to you. Would you like people to reject you because you lost your job. You don't don't have to marry the guy