to refuse to date a man because

[bucketbetty]

he can't spell very well, he uses the word 'hun' and he's recently lost his job? I don't want to be a snob, but bad spelling is usually enough to put me off. I'm trying to keep an open mind but it doesn't feel right to bother with a date if they don't fit my most basic criteria. My problem is, I've been single forever and friends keep telling me I'm too fussy. I don't think I am. What do you worldly folk think?

It just depends how much you like him as a person :) None of us have total job security, and some people just haven't had the chance to be the best at spelling. I think if anything "hun" would put me off, as it just sounds immature and patronising.

Doesn't sound as if he's going to be the right one for you - and there's no such thing as "too fussy", it means you're willing to wait for someone where you're right for each other. Nothing wrong with that at all.

So how can you find men who suit you better? Could you find some other places to meet people with similar interests and outlooks?

When you're on a dating site and you get as many replies as I do, you have to have a way of weeding out the definite nos from the possibles. I go through and delete:
Text speakers,
Married people,
Knob shots,
People who live miles away,
No photo people,
Others depending on my mood.
The survivors go through to the next round.

I've decided to go on a date - it's only a date. He's a nice guy. I don't like being called 'hun' but I'll overlook it. I just know what I like and I'm sorry to those of you who are offended but I do want a man who is intelligent, cultured and responsible - I'm not saying people who can't spell aren't intelligent - I work with professionals who aren't great at it but are incredibly intelligent and managed to get qualified somewhere along the line. I'm too old and hopefully wise to accept anything less than I deserve. That said, I don't think I should focus on things like spelling or occasional unemployment. I want someone like me - responsible and a good value system. I've also got a 24 year old after me - he's very cute but I'm 16 years older than him - would that one be wise? He's very cute.

LeQ Do you really mean that? You wouldn't date someone who didn't have a degree? Why? I understand only wanting to date someone who is intelligent, I am the same. But, I don't think being intelligent is only in the preserve of those who have a degree.

I'm not bothered about a degree educated partner I don't think that necessarily equals intelligence but I do like someone cultured and curious about the world. I wouldn't be happy to be with someone who's only pass time is to watch tv if someone who had no opinions.

I met DP on a dating website and screened for spelling. And grammar. And mentions of daytime tv.

Am I a coldhearted pedantic bitch? Yes, but at least DP knew what he was getting into.

Would also not date someone without a degree. It's not about intelligence. Lots of people are intelligent. It's about education, about being able to talk about the same books and want to see the same things at the theatre.

Can you tell we met on the Guardian site?

I don't think a degree is any less arbitrary a dating requirement than most other things people have on their 'lists'.

Revoltingpeasant

You'll find that lots of people with degrees don't read the same books or even want to go to the theatre. :o

Revloting Someone having a degree does not mean they have read the same books as you, seen the same theatre as you, let alone want to go to the theatre! I don't think having a degree equals being a theatre fan!

x post with lueji

RP's system clearly worked for her though, so I'm not going to knock it.

I personally wouldn't go near the "hun" merchant - might be a great catch for somebody, just not for me. Ditto evangelical Christians or homeopaths, great husbands I'm sure, but I'll pass.

I've been with dh 14 years now - and boy has the dating scene changed a lot since then!

Betty - I don't see the problem with arranging a date and meeting him, but all the things in your op would be warning flags to me, not necessarily deal-breakers. But you'll have to meet him - I could go out with someone 'between jobs' but I'd be wary of someone happy to not have a job long-term.

My own personal deal-breakers would be: less intelligent than me, no sense of humour, mega right-wing, evangelical religious beliefs, ill-mannered. I'm sure there are more....