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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

adults with learning difficulties on small childrens' play area.

580 replies

Bethshine82 · 15/04/2012 16:40

Took DS to the play area on Friday, it is not a huge play area and has one of those signs saying it is designed for use by children 14 and under.
Whilst we were there a group of around eight adults with learning difficulties and their carers arrived. The adults proceeded to go onto the playground.
AIBU to think this isn't very fair? They were adults and they weren't really aware of their strength and size. The carers weren't supervising brilliantly and twice I saw one of the adults just shove the children out of the way. Also some of the adults were shouting and screaming which frightened some of the toddlers. Many of the children left. I'm not in any way suggesting that adults with learning difficulties shouldn't be able to go out and enjoy themselves or that they shouldn't be part of the community, I'm just not sure a small childrens' play area is the place for an adults' afternoon out.

I think that the playground should only be used by children, it isn't safe otherwise really. AIBU?

OP posts:
claw4 · 16/04/2012 12:15

Awkward, so if you were in charge of an adult who lashes out, where would you take them?

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 16/04/2012 12:16

Kladdkaka She never did anything and you know it but I spent the journey very uncomfortable and did more work than the womans carer did in keeping her away from my baby.

SHe stood there basically....she sort of tried to guide the woman to face away from me...but she wasn't trying that hard iyswim. I had to twist to keep my DD from being right next to the woman.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 16/04/2012 12:17

claw I would take them wherever they wangted to go....with enough supervision and suitable transport. One carer in this instance was not enough. The lady was very lively and very interested in all she saw...great....but not if her understanding of babies is that they frighten/confuse her and she's possibly going to lash out.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 16/04/2012 12:18

Agincourt what she actually said was something like "Keep the baby away from her she lashes out at them."

And the carer appeared very stressed out too.

Agincourt · 16/04/2012 12:20

she should have two carers with her then. It's hardly the woman or the carers fault and it doesn't mean she should be kept off buses

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/04/2012 12:21

yes, two carers is a better idea than a taxi

Kladdkaka · 16/04/2012 12:21

Kladdkaka She never did anything and you know it but I spent the journey very uncomfortable and did more work than the womans carer did in keeping her away from my baby.

So her opportunities to participate in society should be limited because of your fear of something she hasn't even done. And you think this is fair. Hmm

2shoes · 16/04/2012 12:21

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 16-Apr-12 11:34:09
There are SO MANY facilities for children and so few for adults such as those in the OP (not "LD adults" ) that IMO people should just supervise their children carefully in the play area on the extremely unusual occasion that a group of adults with SN happened to be having fun there and live and let live a little tbh.

very well said

Kladdkaka · 16/04/2012 12:22

And how did I know she didn't do anything? Was I there? Confused

Agincourt · 16/04/2012 12:22

Can I just ask something as well, when you say carer, do you mean a carer in a professional capacity or a relative? Because a lot of us as carers or relative often have no choice but to take the people we care for out into the community without any support because we are never provided with any. The only other people a lot of us would have would be to never leave the home.

bochead · 16/04/2012 12:22

Sadly as a lot of specialised appropriate facilities from day care centres to libraries, adventure playgrounds and outdoor pursuits centres are currently being shut or closed down I think this is a scene we will see more and more often.

The only solution is to fight hard to retain any local adult disability schemes/centres/facilities in your area. This also applies to transport facilities for the disabled - taxi services are being hacked to the bone by local authorities. Yet people still need to get to clinic/dental/therapy appointments, visit relatives, use leisure facilities which are often further afield than they were due to the cuts.

In relation to the carers - increasingly skilled workers are being replaced my min wage minions to slash costs. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys as the OP witnessed. Again - if you saw a registered childminder being slack on the job you'd complain. Please help the families of these adults by reporting breaches of care to SS.

This isn't fair, or right to either the small children or the disabled adults, but sadly I think we'll see similar inappropriate scenes like this with increasing frequency as the austerity measures bite. If you object may I suggest that you write to your local councillor MP and complain - its all any of us can do in a democracy.

manicbmc · 16/04/2012 12:22

My ds is violent and unpredictable. He is very noise sensitive and there is no way he could use public transport or be around children. It takes at least 3 adults to calm him and lead him away from a situation if he has a meltdown and there is no way that could be handled on a bus. I totally get what Awkward is saying.

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 16/04/2012 12:22

Getting the bus or not getting the bus is hardly going to limit her enjoyment of life now is it Kladdkaka??

yakbutter · 16/04/2012 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agincourt · 16/04/2012 12:23

Sorry that doesn't make sense, I mean the only other option we would have as carers for a relative, is to not leave the safety of the home.

claw4 · 16/04/2012 12:24

Do you think that adults with SN's are made of money to be able to take taxi's everywhere?

Being lively and interested in all she saw, meant that one to one with a carer wasnt enough? Maybe some handcuffs to stop the possibility?

The carer didnt say that babies frighten or confuse her, just that there was a possibility that she could lash out.

Anyhow this has nothing to do with this thread, the lady on the bus, wasnt in a childrens play area.

Kladdkaka · 16/04/2012 12:25

Getting the bus or not getting the bus is hardly going to limit her enjoyment of life now is it Kladdkaka??

Eh? Would it limit yours?

Agincourt · 16/04/2012 12:26

what bochead has said is exactly true of what is happening and why

BoffinMum · 16/04/2012 12:26

I think it's pretty cruel to put another person in a situation on a bus where they might get so stressed they would lash out. I'd suggest working up to such trips by habituating them to others at off peak times might be kinder.

claw4 · 16/04/2012 12:28

Manic, as you said there is no way your ds would be able to get on a bus and i appreciate that you obviously know your ds best and you obviously dont get on buses.

However, that is a very big assumption to assume that this lady cannot travel by bus, as she didnt have a melt down, she wasnt violent and didnt need 3 people to calm her down.

Kladdkaka · 16/04/2012 12:30

I'm still totally perplexed by this comment:

Getting the bus or not getting the bus is hardly going to limit her enjoyment of life now is it Kladdkaka??

It has honestly totally thrown me. I really thought the days of such ignorance were gone. I'm utterly gobsmacked by it.

kirsty75005 · 16/04/2012 12:31

@claw. I don't think th OP thinks these adults may be violent. I think she thinks they were boisterous - as a child of their developmental age might be - but with adult-sized bodies and adult strength which means they need extra supervision from their carers - a shove from a four-year-old or an adult is not the same thing.

I think the problem really seems to be the carers. If these adults had been on the equipment, but the carers had been paying careful attention to enforcing rules like no pushing then it would have been fine.

claw4 · 16/04/2012 12:34

Kirsty, that is the impression i got from the op, but the thread has moved on and i was addressing the posters who thought that these people could be violent etc.

I agree the risk was not being properly supervised, rather than the people themselves being a risk. Similar to all children pose a 'risk' to other children if not properly supervised.

Agincourt · 16/04/2012 12:34

yakbutter, you make a very good point too and it's to do with who is controlling which budget

childrens disability services and adult services come out of the social services budget
schooling and statementing come out of the local education authority budget, so as soon as these children with severe and complex needs leave education establishments they are at the mercy of social services :( and as you friend is already finding, they don't care

bakingaddict · 16/04/2012 12:35

But the fact that the individuals pushed and shoved kids out the way, were shouting making loud noises etc, were at a soft play centre for kids in the first place leads me too surmise that they were on the more severe spectrum of whatever LD they had as this isn't normal adult behaviour is it?

The Discrimination act serves it's purpose so that an individual classed with a disability can be afforded the same rights as a 'normal' individual. I think too many people bang on about 'my' rights without stopping to think of how things can affect other people. An adult with LD's has a right to go to a soft play centre or sit on a bus but once they lash out at babies or push and shove younger children then that right doesn't come exclusively at the expense of others

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