Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be paying a higher percentage on outgoings than DP?

63 replies

Monica2012 · 14/04/2012 12:33

I started another thread re DP's money win, and a few people thought it was unresonable that I paid a higher percentage on rent/bills than DP. I moved in with DP just over 4 months ago. Is this unfair that i'm paying this much?

I come out with £700 per month.

I pay £250 in rent, £20 towards general bills and about £30 on supermarket shop,

so £300 in total.

DP comes out with about £3100 per month.

He pays £250 in rent, £380 in bills, and about £50 groceries,

So I pay 42% on outgoings, while he pays 21%, but he is self-employed, and about £846 of his income is spent on neccesities for his job and tax/NI contributions, so that's 47%.

So I have £400 per month left over from which I have to pay my travelcard, and he has £1674.

But as I said he does take me out once a week for dinner, and takes me away for a night or two every few months.

Am I being taken unfair advantage of?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/04/2012 12:34

You are being taken advantage of.

PooPooInMyToes · 14/04/2012 12:38

So he earns loads more then you but you have a lot less left over? Its a tricky one. I never had this situation because as soon as we moved in together we got joint bank accounts so what was mine was his etc.

Sarcalogos · 14/04/2012 12:40

Whether or not you are being taken advantage of depends on two things...

  1. How you feel about it.
  1. Your future plans. Is this a short term relationship? Do you think you will eventually marry/be together for years. What is your partner doing with the spare money? Spending it frivolously or saving/investing in your joint future?
squidworth · 14/04/2012 12:41

It depends on where you both see your relationship, 4 month living together is very short.

Rosa · 14/04/2012 12:43

When DH and I moved in together I paid all the rent and we did bills and food 50%. However holidays and extras were my shout as I was earning much more. Often I paid for more food etc. Now we are married and I am the SAHM its the other way round.

Original poster
Monica2012 · 14/04/2012 12:46

Thanks for your replies, so quick too! I feel ok about it, I have to pay my way. Our future plans are marriage. He wants a long, prosperous relationship out of it, as I do too. My partner spends his spare money on buying things for his car, nice meals out for us both and he takes me away. He also tries to put a bit into savings. If I suggested joining our income together, would he think I was just a freeloader?

OP posts:
smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 14/04/2012 12:48

I don't think your being taken advantage of, I earn more than my partner but he still pays half the rent, bills etc, if an unexpected bill comes in then I pay it and I also pay for all take aways/nights out/treats, yes I have more disposable income than him but if he ever needed money for anything then I would of course not hesitate to give it to him.

We have an account that we both pay money into (the same amount) for bills and then we have our own accounts, we are both happy with this so if you are happy with the arrangement you currently have then don't worry what anyone else says

dreamingbohemian · 14/04/2012 12:48

Hmm. Well you are each spending 40-something percent on outgoings so that seems about equal. It seems crazy to split the rent 50/50 but he pays almost all the bills so I can see why you don't think it's so bad -- BUT if my sums are right, you are contributing only 18 percent of total income but paying 27 percent of rent and bills. So I think you should be paying less rent.

How long have you been together in total? Are you thinking about marriage or long-term commitment?

kickmewhenimdown · 14/04/2012 12:48

on paper it seems fair, you still have £400 a month left over to spend as you wish. But the fact is he has over £1600 left of his wage. even if he paid all the bills he would still have more than you. It is a tricky one as poopoo says. Like her, when me and dp moved in together we got a joint account.

Poulay · 14/04/2012 12:49

So he contributes more than twice as much as you to the household, and you are the one being taken advantage of?

Do you look after his children? Do all the housework? Massage his feet in the mornings?

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 12:50

But he is taking away any control you have over what you spend.

dreamingbohemian · 14/04/2012 12:52

x-post!

I wouldn't worry about it too much, as your relationship evolves so will your finances. When DH and I moved in together I initially paid half the rent even though I had less money (I insisted on it) but once it became clear we were definitely getting married he said there was really no point, it was all going to be family money anyway.

I would maybe try to pay £50 less for rent just so you have a bit more disposable income to play with -- if you feel you need it.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/04/2012 12:54

Am on your other thread - perhaps his savings should be in joint names, if you are looking towards a permanent future together. As it is, he is cushioned from the financial effects of a break up and you are not.

Also, you moved into the house that he was already renting, so he is profiting directly by you being there and paying half of the rent. If you don't have enough money left over to buy yourself a drink/sandwich, but he has £1600 per month to himself, then something is wrong.

Perhaps consider moving to a cheaper flat?

Bluestocking · 14/04/2012 12:54

"Buying things for his car"? Sorry if this sounds naive, but what does this mean? Cars don't need anything except petrol/diesel and whatever it takes to get them through the MOT.
If he has £1674 left over every month, he should be socking most of that away for your future.

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/04/2012 12:55

He pays more than you so how are you being taken advantage of?

You are not married and have only lived together for 4 months, that new into a joint household I would expect 50/50 of all bills and rent regardless of income level.

squidworth · 14/04/2012 12:56

How much would it cost you to live somewhere else? Could you rent with someone else cheaper, maybe move back in with DP when your relationship is strong enough to have this conversation.

rebecklet · 14/04/2012 12:59

This is tricky, I think you need to sit down with your DP and discuss what you both think would be fair.

I earn more than DH and because of past arrangements (when he was part time) I pay most of the outgoings and have much less disposable income each month. However pretty much all of our spare money goes into a deposit for a house at the moment so it isn't really a problem, especially as we both have enough money for what we want to do or buy each month. When we move we'll re-visit who pays what.

I think planning what happens with the spare cash is key.

dreamingbohemian · 14/04/2012 13:00

I don't know, £300 month total for rent, bills and food sounds pretty good. Would it even be possible to spend less if you lived on your own?

margerykemp · 14/04/2012 13:00

You should an equal amount of leisure/free spending money left each week/month.

Have you talked about how you will manage finances if you have DCs?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/04/2012 13:02

He seems generous, but actually it is quite controlling behaviour because he is always the one to 'rescue' you when you are short of cash.

ivanapoo · 14/04/2012 13:02

You are definitely not being taken advantage of. Your core outgoings are a mere £300.

Can I ask if you work f/t and what sort of job you do?

MirandaGoshawk · 14/04/2012 13:03

This is how ours works for us: I earn far less than DH. All our money goes into joint account apart from a small amount which goes into our own private accounts so we can buy presents/use as we wish. Everything else comes out of the joint account, including an amount for savings.

If you did it this way, say you put £600 per month into joint acct & he put £2500 in, you'd each have a bit to call your own but everything would be paid for 'jointly'. So your hair/nights out would come out of the joint.

Not as nice as being 'treated' but more satisfactory long-term.

MirandaGoshawk · 14/04/2012 13:05

But it would have to be a true joint account, where you each have a bank card & don't have to ask the other's permission before you buy anything (reasonable). It wouldn't work if only he had a say in what was bought, and it involves trust on both sides.

margerykemp · 14/04/2012 13:05

I've read your other thread now. If he was paying full rent before and now he's paying half he is MAKING MONEY from you being there. You shouldnt be paying rent unless your name is on the lease.

Are you providing other 'free' services for him like dirty sock washing?