to think that "the lady will tell you off" is the indubitably wrost reason ever to give a child?

[ChaosTrulyReigns71]

When asking them to stop doing something.

It makes no friffing sense at all, whatsoever, and yust seems a complete and utetr cop-out and lazy rather than actually explaining why the behaviour was wrong.

Pass the wine please.

Oh AiBU?

They divorced eventually and I went with my dad

What about, ' if you don't stop ( whatever the offending behaviour is)NOW then we will leave the shop. If we need to leave the shop then the consequence will be( something appropriate and effective for that child)'

That's what I have done..........

A friend had a Mum who would tell him that the gypsys would come and get him if he was naughty.

I told my godson that if he didn't hold my hand and stay still on the underground then there was a good chance a tube would come and he would get sucked under the line. Standard threat for children of Londoners

it is a point of last resort, usually in a shop, that involves toys, frequently Tescos!!!!! I think they should not have toys randomly in the middle of the shop.

I tell my DS that I am phoning the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

I suppose it goes back to traditional 'cautionary tales'. 'don't do that because if you do, this will happen'. The consequences were always dark and disturbing, to get the point across.
Don't walk in the woods alone, because the witch will get you.
Don't tell lies, because people will stop believing you and the wolf will eat you.
Don't do that or 'that lady' will tell you off is in a similar vein. The child doesn't know the person indicated, and anything could happen.

I've done the naughty girls school one on mine.But I do it in a mock threatening type of way.

They perked their ears up and wanted to know when they could go.I think they think it would be like in 'Naughtiest Girl is a Monitor'!

I used to be threatened with the bogeyman getting me when I was a child.I was very scared of the bogeyman and it certainly made me behave,but I wouldn't inflict that on my kids.

Signet if you're a twat then so am I. On two separate occasions my dd at the age of 4 opened the rear door of her Gran's car while it was in motion on a dual carriageway in rush hour. That was utterly terrifying as it seemed to take a long time to be able to stop and pull in safely. Also my ds was messing about in his seat. He wriggled free of his car seat and put his hands over his dads eyes when he was in control of the car. Both kids were given rather graphic descriptions of the consequences of these actions. They haven't done this or similar since. Sometimes kids need to be shocked. My mil is one of those irritating people who say that so and so will tell you off or she'll get involved when I'm disciplining my kids... even she got upset and told dd she could have been seriously injured or killed. Shocking, scary but very effective.

Elusive, you'd leave a supermarket in the middle of the weekly shop, rather than tell your child that if they didn't stop hanging on to the outside of the trolley they might bump into someone who might possibly be irritated by this? And what about if he stood on a seat in a train? Where would you go then?
Telling them that they may bump into someone and hurt/annoy them would be absolutely fine though. That's exactly what I would do because that could happen and is pointing out why he mustn't do something - 'You can hurt yourself/someone else' That's entirely different 'Stop doing it because someone might tell you off' And with the train and buses, I have gotten off with him at stops that weren't ours and waited for the next one. Once it was for standing on seats and not listening so I said he wasn't safe and I couldn't be on a train with him. He's 4 now anyway, so less of an issue than when he was younger - plenty of other consequences to choose from :) BTW, I really don't think anyone is a 'bad parent' for saying - it's just something that drives me nuts when people do it to my own child, or when other parents involve me unwittingly.

AndiMac But if we had to abandon something temporarily, it means he doesn't get to do the next thing he probably did want to do.

I really wished the till staff would tell DD1 off.
She couldn't resist fiddling with things on counters, mum's protests were instantly forgotten.

At toddlers we found that if we told each others DC to stop messing with the new curtains it actually worked. 100% adult disapproval was much more memorable.

(we didn't want a ticking off from the hall committee, the curtains were lovely, but just the wrong length)

Also dh is an ex police officer. He was once flagged down so that he could discipline a child who wouldn't stop drawing on newly painted walls, in fact he was asked to tell off "naughty" kids all the time. It happened to me as a child and it had some effect if I recall correctly. It used to drive dh maaad :o

I think getting off a bus and waiting for the next one (which would be an hour where I live) would be more of a punishment for me than either DS! They'd see it as an adventure, an exciting deviation from the plan. To me it would be a right pain. Far easier to say "please don't stand on the seat because it's dangerous. Don't stand on the seat, it's dangerous. Sit properly now or I will get cross. Listen, it's not just me who thinks you should sit down. There's a sign there saying you shouldn't stand, and if you carry on the driver may tell you off". Job done, and we're still on the same bus, and therefore won't be an hour late for school pick-up.

And aren't we on the same wavelength?

The first time I ever had to "threaten" my ds with something I exasperatedly told him I would send him to live in a cave with some monsters. He was quite pleased about it and wanted to go, signalling the end of my threatening days and the start of my "explaining consequences" phase, which he pretty much ignores. Sigh...

I'll sit on the fence.

The parent has jumped straight to the punishment, rather than say what they're doing wrong. For many children the idea of being told off by a stranger is the worst thing, even if they're happy to answer back to the parents.

Who knows? Maybe the parent had explained many times and that phrase is a short cut to express displeasure. Or maybe they've only issued a pretty much empty threat with little previous explanation. They may be well meaning but at the end of their tether, it just blurts out, or don't known any other way. It is often a threat without teeth. Yes, I can see it as a pointless threat. Its easy to give them!

I've spent many times this week telling my kids to look around them. Don't fling sand because... Don't swing the spade because .. Don't run around there because.... Don't screeeech because......

The end to all such requests is because ...... You will hurt / annoy / get in the way. That is the only reason. Sometimes i will add that you will make them angry and I will agree with them. You, dear children, youn will have to answer to the angry people, not me.

I have been lazy a few times this week and my first line of defence has been "if you don't like my answer why don't you explain that to your Grandma ( she's visiting) and ask her opinion". They never have.

LookAtAll : What you did, I believe was absolutely RIGHT if what you explained was that a) you may fall out be run over by other cars and be dead all over the road and B) you could have caused a crash and people could die and the police may be involved...............because those are exactly the natural consequences of the behaviours you described.

However it is inherently different than threatening the kids with the poor man or woman behind the counter who wants nothing to do with the misbehaving child in question. Still don't agree with that :)

I definitely use the phoning the headteacher threat at messing about in the morning.
I say that if they don't stop messing about,I'll phone up and they will have to go to the headteachers office and explain why they were messing about rather than getting ready for school.
It works,and tbh,by the time I've reached the conclusion of consequences (or cajooling) otherwise,they would be late for school,anyway.
Means to an end.

gettinghappy, that was pretty much the gist of it and yes I agree that it is inherently different to threatening the kids with shop staff. I referred to signets experience in my first post and expressed no opinion on anything else.

But seeing as though I'm here... I'm gonna be controversial and say that I couldn't care less. I hear other mums saying it all the time and may have trotted out similar "threats" myself. Part and parcel of growing up imo. I certainly don't have any disdain or contempt for those who choose to say these things.

It is something I use a variation of occasionally, normally at the end of a long day, when I have run out of all the usual tricks, nothing else is working and I just need him to behave long enough to finish what I have to do so we can get home. However I don't use "That lady will tell you off", instead it is "Do you want that lady (or whoever) to tell you off? No? Then stop it". It works, because he hates being told off by other people. But it is also my last resort, because I would rather not bring other people into my parenting, unless absolutely necessary.

I warn my DD that if she carries on it will be bed when she gets home.
I also use the "police will arrest me" if she tries to take her seat belt off or messes around in the car
Why not tho... I don't see the problem!! Different things work for different children.. The thought of someone else telling me dd off would certainly stop her in her tracks
Although I am a very bad mother.. I tell my dd that when the lights on the little 50p rides outside shops are flashing it means they are broken and when the ice cream van puts its music on it means the icecream has run out !!!

In the surgery where I work, parents are forever telling their DC that "The Lady" will smack you or tell you off for being naughty.

I respond by saying "I'm so sorry Mummy has told you that, but I am never mean to small children"

In my head I'm saying "If Mummy can't be arsed to get her head out of her phone, then I'm not going to be the one to tell you to stop destroying the surgery"

Chaos, you've hit the nail on the head.

I get Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
very annoyed when people do that in my shop.

no, i frigging will not tell your brats off -tell them off yourself!
I don't want them thinking the book shop is the worst place to go because the nasty horrible woman behind the counter will tell them off!

When DH pisses me off I tell him I'm going to report him to Mumsnet.

Is this frowned upon also?

Haha Skinny.

No.