to think that "the lady will tell you off" is the indubitably wrost reason ever to give a child?

[ChaosTrulyReigns71]

When asking them to stop doing something.

It makes no friffing sense at all, whatsoever, and yust seems a complete and utetr cop-out and lazy rather than actually explaining why the behaviour was wrong.

Pass the wine please.

Oh AiBU?

I don't think that's twattish, it's honest, and my kids would have appreciated the description. morbid little buggers

YANBU, although we're going through a rough patch re. car seats with DD and a couple of days ago when I saw a police car next to us at the traffic lights I told her that we were supposed to keep our seat belts on all the time and that otherwise we'd all get into trouble, as they didn't like that

I know, not my finest moment but I'm desperate after weeks of constant crying and trying to wriggle herself out of her seat belt.

My point is that telling a chold that the consequence of their bad behaviour is that they will be "told off" is lazy and disengenuous.

Taking an example of the penguins upthread, "Ranunculus, do not throw bread to the penguins because it is dangerous for them" is much more effective than "Ranunculus, don't throw food to the penguins because you will get told off".

A discouragement from doing something should involve the explanation as to why the behaviour is wrong to hopefully cease the behaviour, rather than the consequences are you may receive a flea in the ear.

My stepdad did this with my brother all the time, the worst one being at either Cheddar Gorge or Wookey Hole on holiday. There was a massive dragon in one of the caves and DB who was 4 at the time was told while he was sobbing with fear that the next time he was naughty (he wasn't even in need of discipline) the dragon would fly to our house and eat him while he was sleeping. Poor boy had night terrors for years.

Thinking about it my (notssoD)M used to do this aswell except it was "All those people are looking at you and thinking what a silly little girl you are, and in a minute they will tell you off" which always made me feel horrible!!

Oh dear
Just yesterday, I told DS (3yo) that if he didn't stop shouting, that the manager might tell us to leave the shop, because he was disturbing the other customers. This was after me telling him, firmly to stop because it is naughty behaviour, twice and taking away his chance to get ice cream at that shop.

I'm a really crap parent. I couldn't get him to listen. I wasn't being lazy. It was a last resort! :(.

CovertTwinkes post is why I disagree with you Saggy.

(depending on the age of your DC, at 14/15 I was pretty morbid but could handle and rationalise it)

Oh dear again! On one of the few occasions that ds threw an actual tantrum, I became so exhausted trying to carry him kicking and screaming to the car and dealing with it as it went on forever and ever and was in public.... I told him that people were looking at him, thinking he was a baby!

He's really only had 3 public outbursts. But they made me act in an obviously 'bad mother' way each time!

Chaos, I agree, and wholeheartedly. I got to this moment having already explained 13 times in different ways and with different angles why it wasn't safe to travel without the seat belts and why we had to wear them, to no avail. I guess I'll just have to try a 14th one tomorrow

signet!!

But I don't not help myself to champagne and chocolates in a shop because its wrong.

I don't do it cos I'll get 'told off' if I'm caught.

Twat perhaps.... It did work though! It is also very true!

To be fair, she also saw a crash dummy video at school which reinforced what I said a much more appropriate way.

Nothing quite as unnerving as seeing a child undo their seat belt and start leaning into the front when doing 70 on a motorway...

No HavePatience, there's notthing wrong with your parenting there.

You explained the impact of his behaviour on other people. The telling off bit wasn;t even there - it was telling to leave becasue..., not just a telling off. Iyswim?

Tbh, when I have my own DC, I probably won't be this sanctimonious.

Chaos you haven't read my posts. I have said that obviously parental explanation, request and chastisement precedes the threat of third-party intervention. But third-party intervention is something that does actually happen, so pointing it out to children is not a sadistic or lazy threat, it's a fact.

Elusive, you'd leave a supermarket in the middle of the weekly shop, rather than tell your child that if they didn't stop hanging on to the outside of the trolley they might bump into someone who might possibly be irritated by this? And what about if he stood on a seat in a train? Where would you go then?

ElusiveCamel, I think the problem with your idea of simply leaving if the children are misbehaving assumes that you are somewhere the children want to be in the first place.

If I'm in the post office or out grocery shopping, I can't simply leave because they are misbehaving, I need to get things done. Not that it means that I go around hinting that random strangers will tell them off or steal them away or hit them (good lord!). But, after telling them their behaviour is unacceptable and trying other ways of stopping the behaviour, I do occasionally say that the lady in the shop won't like it if they keep screaming like that. (for example) I don't even need to mention a telling off, the mere thought that a stranger might take notice of them for bad behaviour and unknown consequences of that is more a deterrent than what I can do or threaten sometimes.

i hate it drives me potty I have a parent who says it all the time where i work who says oh look X here is mrsjay to tell you off where mrs jay isnt and its parents job to tell off X ,its passing the buck , i have also heard if you dont behave the policeman will get you the busdriver will throw you off the bus or worse THE BAD MAN WILL GET YOU !!

Equally as bad as 'Wait til your father gets home!'. Why do some people insist on giving up any kind of authority they have in relation to their children?

Velma, I have read your posts.

I'm pretty sure your logic followed the same lines as mine.

Well the only reason I don't do naughty stuff sometimes is because the police might come so that one sounds fair enough to me. A lesson in life.

If there was nobody to tell me off I would be far, far more naughty.

gettinghappy i wonder if its to do with mum not being the bad guy ?

I hated the "wait til your father gets home"

Granted I was a cheeky little sod who probably did drive my mother to distraction most days but I used to hate sitting waiting, and hearing his car pull up.. then him coming in the door.

More often that not he didn't come upstairs though, I later learnt he had told her if she didn't deal with it there and then there was no point in him telling me off.

I quite clearly said that using the phrase rather than explaining was an utetr cop-out and lazy.

gosh I do this, its called anything for an easy life

signet What a sensible dad you have!!