to think that "the lady will tell you off" is the indubitably wrost reason ever to give a child?

[ChaosTrulyReigns71]

When asking them to stop doing something.

It makes no friffing sense at all, whatsoever, and yust seems a complete and utetr cop-out and lazy rather than actually explaining why the behaviour was wrong.

Pass the wine please.

Oh AiBU?

I hate it when I hear that sentence. Used toi get it all the time while working in shops. Dear god, just tell your own kid off! If they wont listen to you, why the fuck would they listen to me?!

Actually had it again recently in Tesco when getting a few bits with baby DS in the buggy. A lady with a DS who was playing up repeatedly warned him that the lady behind them (me) would tell him off. Lazy bitch. I did in the end tell the child off, but only after he slammed the gate on the checkout open and shut and it hit the side of my buggy. And even then all I said was "do not do that again, you could have hurt my baby". And then his mother glared at me There really is no pleasing people!

Drives me nuts.

Especially when the child is behaving nicely.

However, if your children are running around like loons or using a scooter in the store and you are ignoring them, please don't shoot me a filthy look when I ask them to slow down after nearly being crashed into

Especially after you have threatened them minutes earlier about the lady telling them off!!

I told DS3 that if he didn't get in his car seat that the police would arrest me
Is this being BU as it is also sort of true?

But it's the truth, so what's the problem? I would never say some random stranger will shout at DS, or invent some scary child-catcher. But staff at places do tell children off, or at least they say "can you not do that" etc. And for my DS, that is infinitely more scary than me telling him off. So I tell him the truth. I ask him to stop, tell him why, and if he carries on I explain that a member of staff might well come over and tell him too. That always works because he hates strangers criticising him.

No idea why I'm admitting this, but I caught myself saying something like that to DD recently

I would say that is unreasonable Thetokengirl, because it's playing on your DCs fears of loss, that they could do something that'd get you banged up in prison (which a lot of children associate with the police, getting into trouble with the police = being sent to prison).

He should do it because you've told him (although I accept that it's only a theoretical possibility sometimes )

he will get told off by the people who work there
But you are telling him he will get told off when you have no idea whether those people will or not. You cannot presume to speak for perfect strangers, especially if they can hear you, and who may object to what you're saying.

I don't see the harm in telling kids the truth which is that a third party might well come and tell them off too.
You don't say 'might' though, do you? It's always, when I hear other people say it, 'they will tell you off'. I really don't think it's a good discipline technique and it's rude to say it about people without any input from them. TBH, when my son was younger (and I would do this now too) the consequence of behaving badly and not listening in a shop or cafe was that we would leave. I cannot imagine putting a staff member through the embarrassment of staying somewhere and having to intervene in disciplining a child with the parent right there. Leaving really does help.

Saw exactly this happen in a shop earlier this week. When mother and little darling left the shop the young assistant said wearily and wistfully "Oh if only they could control their own children"

Thetokengirl - I've done similar on the car seat, although it's more of a thinking out loud to try to figure out whether I need to fight a particular battle.

I've also said in restaurants something like you need to stop shouting or else we'll be asked to leave (although more commonly, stop shouting or I'll take you home).

I can see what people are getting at, but am broadly happy that I'm on the right side of the line.

Would never think of doing the more generic shop assistant one though. Most shop assistants I've come across seem to be very nice, so I don't think it would have ever occurred to me.

Am ex-nurse as in I'm not on the wards anymore.

What used to piss me off was parents during visiting times telling LO to behave or THENURSE would give them an injection? ie:nurses are nasty & mean.

Way to make you child trust a HCP.
Yea scare them off the very people who at some point Might need to help them.

Agent
He should do it because I tell him, also told him why he needs to be strapped in for safety reasons. However, neither worked. I blame his older brothers, they don't listen to me either.

Does it make a difference if I say 'the lady will shut you in her cupboard?' Coz that's what I said to DD once. She was 3'ish. I was with a friend doing a supermarket shop. Friends DD wouldn't get in the trolley, so she let her walk. DD decided she'd try a bit of that. Didn't work. I said, 'Fine, don't get in. We'll go to customer services, and the lady will shut you in the cupboard until I've finished shopping then'

She got in the trolly! [girn]

I've never used this line, but have called Santa before

Worst line I have ever heard was a mum say to her DS 'stop that or the pirates of the Caribbean will get you!' his mum told me later that the child had been terrified watching the film apparently this was a good way to get his attention :-(

Surely some of these things are being said with a bit of humour much of the time?

My kids don't wouldn't believe a word of it!

(till they are told off by the lady )

Funny you should start a thread about this....
I work on a supermarket checkout and last night I overheard a mum telling her little boy that 'the lady (me) will SMACK you' wtf!!

As it happens I do say "might" tell you off. But you're splitting hairs. The fact is, if there's a sign saying "do not feed the penguins" for example, and a child throws bread into the penguin enclosure, there is a strong chance a member of staff will ask them not to. (this is not something my DS has done by the way, it's just a random example). So why shouldn't a parent point this fact out, if their own chastising hasn't had any effect?

I really envy all you lucky mums out there who apparently just have to tell their children not to do something because "mummy says so" and they obey without question!

Contrary to popular belief, unless I'm having a really really horrible day, I don't actually get that many thrills out of telling off random misbehaving children at work, so I don't generally appreciate being volunteered to do it by their parents.

I have to say I am very grateful that the Easter holidays are over and that next week I'm only going to be fending off bored pre-schoolers rather than gangs of bored and destructive older children.

Have also pretended to call the school when they are messing around in the morning! That certainly gets them moving!

My mum used to tell me that the lady would come and take me away if I didn't behave. Until one day I packed my dolls and my favourite dress and went downstairs to wait for the lady. She was never mentioned again.

I love being 'the lady'! What's wrong with getting a helping hand when the little monkeys aren't playing ball? It isn't being a bad parent. We've all been there!

Nope, never threatened the DCs with anyone other than myself. I just feel horribly awkward and on the spot and a bit judgey when people do it to me - what do they actually want me to do? Half the time the child is only acting up because it's bored and tired and doesn't want to be there and I think I end up sympathising with the wrong side

My friend has convinced her four year old the red flashing light on the movement sensors in every room for the house alarm are Santa watching. . My niece was same with her car seat. I told her one day (during her death obsession stage) if I crashed she would go through the window and be dead. She asked forever? I said for ever and ever. She asked if she would be splattered. I said yes. Other cars would drive over her. Her blood would be everywhere and I would have to phone her mummy and say I'm sorry. She is dead on the road because she undid her seatbelt. Graphic. Worked though

It's taken a lot of work to get to the point where I can palm DD1 off with a 'because I bloody said so' answer to her constant questioning of 'but whhhyyy not???'

But using ambiguous threats that involve frightening children in that way (shutting them in cupboards etc) is a horrible way of going about it.

If the DC isn't old enough to know it's unlikely to happen, they can really dwell on it. I know that's the object, to get them to think about their behaviour, but why scare them shitless?

There are kinder ways.

Unless you're 'joking' signet, you're a twat.

I really envy all you lucky mums out there who apparently just have to tell their children not to do something because "mummy says so" and they obey without question!
I don't think anyone has said that their kids obey without question :) My son certainly doesn't and really didn't as a 2 year old. Like I said, if he misbehaved when we were out somewhere and didn't listen, we'd leave.

I think my objection to xMIL saying it is that she never said told him why what he was doing was wrong and it's just constant. I think what the poster above said about saying 'We could get asked to leave' is far better. I don't work in a shop or anything, but I've had random people tell their kids (like on the train, for example) that that lady is going to tell them off.