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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I being unreasonable, RE: inappropriate behaviour in toddlers play park?

126 replies

newcommer · 13/04/2012 20:10

I took my dd (2y) to the local toddler park today, when we arrived there was a teenage couple sat on the bench, girl straddled on bf lap, still fully clothed thankfully. After a few minutes it was obvious they weren't planning to leave, so I asked if they would please go somewhere else where they wouldn't be in full view of young children, which was met with ' why should we, we ain't doing nothing', which I responded with, ' well you're in a toddler play park, you haven't got any children with you, so can you go and do nothing somewhere else!' they then left.

I haven't got a problem with anyone showing public displays of affection, and had they been seated out in the open somewhere that's fine because you can always just look the other way as you walk by. Now, we could have always just found somewhere else to play, but I don't see why my dd should miss out when she had alot more right to be there than they did!!

So was I being unreasonable to ask them to leave? And what would you have done?

OP posts:
nameuschangeus · 14/04/2012 06:40

Yanbu.

molly3478 · 14/04/2012 07:01

If it was just kissing and sitting on each others laps i wouldnt ask them to move most kids have seen their own parents have a snog and sit on each others laps and i dont really see it as a big deal

greenbananas · 14/04/2012 07:09

In some of our local toddler play parks, there is a sign saying that anybody over the age of 14 should be accompanied by a child. I think this is quite a good idea.

However, YABU because it doesn't sound like these teenagers were being hugely indecent. There are often not enough places for teenagers to sit and chat (harmlessly) with each other.

MrsKittyFane · 14/04/2012 07:39

YANBU.
Toddler area in park (very small area of park)
Girl straddled on bf lap (they weren't just 'sitting there' according to OP).
I love the idea of plonkIng myself next to them, having a bit of a chat, maybe offering them a sandwich.
Your DC would probably come over and ask loudly "what are they doing Mummy?" to which you could reply "they haven't got anywhere to go to have their cuddle. You know when Mummy and Daddy cuddle..."
I dint think they'd hang around.

2shoes · 14/04/2012 07:40

wow op yabu
PFBitis or what

ifeelloved · 14/04/2012 07:45

Yanbu. It wasn't an appropriate place. I admire your balls to ask them to move, they obviously didn't mind that much as they did!

twofingerstoGideon · 14/04/2012 07:50

OP, YABU and precious.

I think you seriously need to get a grip.

twofingerstoGideon · 14/04/2012 07:51

"Straddled"

GavisconJunkie · 14/04/2012 07:55

There's one bench in our park & if some gropy whippersnappers had been hogging it rather than allowing me room to park my achey post-partum undercarriage I'd have asked them to move.

Otherwise YABU but I'd have probably wryly pointed out that staying fully clothed was a good idea or they'd be spending a lot more time in the toddler park over the next couple of years!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 14/04/2012 07:59

You definitely need to get a grip. They were sitting, kissing. It's not as though they were writhing on the ground! It is a public bench, in a public place and they weren't doing anything wrong - it was rude of you to tell them to move. Has your DD never seen anyone kissing before?

Megatron · 14/04/2012 08:05

Any PDA makes me vom so YANBU. But they were just kids so maybe I wouldn't have bothered I dunno.

I did shreik and rattle my pearls when I noticed a couple shagging under the slide in the local play park last year. I had to go home for a lie down as I was so jealous disgusted.

MrsKittyFane · 14/04/2012 08:14

Yeh, ok... Here's a picture of me and Mr. Kitty having a little cuddle and kiss in the doctor's waiting room.

YANBU OP! :o

lolaflores · 14/04/2012 08:53

boffinmum oh you excellent lady. laughing like a drain here. very good very good. must remember that.

BoffinMum · 14/04/2012 08:56

Middle aged nudity is a grossly underrated weapon against teens doing things that you take an irrational dislike to. Wink

lolaflores · 14/04/2012 09:05

I tend to use it in the house as a last resort. If DD1 (18) has a specially unruly crowd with her, I shout "I am coming in, and I aren't got no pants on". Usually very effective. She loathes it. I also like to appear in the bathroom when she is in the shower and give her bum a playful slap before skipping out sharpish. In honesty 18 year olds are easy targets, so full of weak spots.

BoffinMum · 14/04/2012 09:06

To get the full image, allow the pictures of the spa to scroll through until you get to the jacuzzi bit.

Hotel Theresia spa

Grin
lolaflores · 14/04/2012 09:07

Nice and cosy. I would have run screaming for the alps too Boffin

BoffinMum · 14/04/2012 09:08

You can see why we wanted the spa to ourselves, can't you? It's far too nice to be wasted on teenagers.

lolaflores · 14/04/2012 09:11

Why would teenagers be in a place like that. It looks like a very coupley gettaway sort of a joint. Would be wasted on my teen. She would be bored shitless after 10 mins. Lovely place by the way.

BellaOfTheBalls · 14/04/2012 09:23

Not read all the replies but...

YABU. I would far rather my DC's witness two people being affectionate towards each other than two teenagers fighting, smoking, swearing etc. If their behaviour was antisocial I would have asked them to move but as they were minding their own business & there was no groping going on then I don't see the harm. Besides watching me yell like a banshee at DC's might give them an excellent lesson in contraception

I also very much doubt there was a logical thought process to their bench picking. It was probably the closest one to them at the time. I'd hazard a guess that teenagers brains don't process "but this is close to a child's play area, perhaps our behaviour will be unsuitable within this location"

BoffinMum · 14/04/2012 09:26

You say that, but I was at Center Parcs on Tuesday for the day, and there were four 15-year-old girls causing a right ruckus in the Aqua Sana spa, so some obviously like it.

I was sad for them though - faces full of dripping, melting makeup (obv nobody had told them you take it off in spas), fussy bikinis and over-groomed bodies, abandoned by the token 'parent' who had officially signed them in and then buggered off to get away from them, trying to be more grown up than they were, and collectively a sort of pallid, rather spoilt, deadpan expression when nobody was actively fussing over them.

I was amazed in a place like Center Parcs, full of teen-friendly things like pony trekking, tennis, golf lessons, high wire adventures and water slides, that they weren't partaking of all the fun things and had parked themselves in the spa instead, no doubt to progress their WAG training. And the thing that got me most was there was no joy in it for them. No sense of excitement or fun.

I nearly did an AIBU when I came back, but I reckoned view points would be polarised and that would be that. A bit of me still things Center Parcs should be encouraging young people to make the most of the outdoors though, not booking them in for 'pampering', even if there is business in it for them.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 14/04/2012 09:40

Just think the whole sexual aspect should be taken out of this.
We can see it as inappropriate behaviour if we're considering what it could progress to.
A small child just sees sitting on a lap and kissing.
At pre school age mine wouldn't have given it more than a fleeting glance.

If we feel uncomfortable about this as adults I fully understand that - I feel uncomfortable seeing such displays of affection too.

But,unless they were indulging in more sexualised behaviour than that described,I think the fact it was in a childrens play area is irrelevant.

lolaflores · 14/04/2012 09:52

Boffin I saw a rather mystified 11 year old getting a hand massage/manicure session at Sisley in John Lewis the other day. She had the "make mummy happy" smile on when I reckon she would have been happier in the toy department.
Agree that there is a generation of girls coming through that have access to grown up stuff (not sex or drink but activities like spa weekends, pamper sessions) and on one level understand its value but gain no spiritual well being from it. The joy of running around in mud is only relevant at festivals and what have you. I agree that alot of the fun has gone out of life for early teens, their time and money is spent aping WAGS and the like. No time to find out who they are

HandMadeTail · 14/04/2012 10:05

My DD who is 10 recently went to a pamper party. They had facials, and manicures. No makeup, but nail varnish (obviously). None of the 4 who went are what I would describe as particularly "girly", but they all seemed to love it.

I took DD (12) and DD(10) tree jumping a couple of days ago. They also loved that.

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 10:06

a teenage couple sat on the bench, girl straddled on bf lap, still fully clothed thankfully

Still? what, do you think if you'd not turned up they would have stripped off?

Of course they were fully clothed, they are teenagers enjoying young love/lust in a public place not fucking doggers!

Get. A. Grip.