I promised DH he could name the baby. Now I've changed my mind.

[JakeyMom]

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had my heart set the name Jacob. DH hated it and used to come up with all these alternatives but I had my heart set and I promised him that if he let me call DS Jacob he would pick the next DC's name. I PROMISED.
So fast forward and I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally DH has been considering names. He was under the illusion that we would be having a boy and had already picked out the name Adam which I was fine with. However, it turns out we're having a girl which has totally thrown DH off course.
He's now decided he wants to name DD after his GRANDMOTHER(!!!) as she brought him up. It's an AWFUL name for a child (Blanche) and I just can't bring myself to agree. The name makes me shudder, it reminds me of coronation street. I've told him I hate the name and it's disgusting for a baby but he won't budge on it and is digging his heels in. AIBU to go back on my promise for the sake of our DD?

Yabu to not respect your dh's opinion and you've set yourself up for him to ignore your tantrums. If you register the child without letting him know, you are risking so much more than just learning to be content with a name you didn't like. Surely you wouldn't be that selfish with your family's future?

Personally I like the name - not maybe at first but it has grown on me just in the time it took to read this thread! My only doubt is because of the point [b]rubyredshoes[/b] made - what a great word! If you like cooking, there are loads of ways to use it especially - blanched almonds? You could also try saying it about the baby with a little tsch at the end, which makes it sound less attractive.

Maybe if you take the moral high ground and tell dh that you really hate it but you will accept it because you now realise how unkind you were to him over the naming of ds, and he deserves more respect from you, he'll unbend a bit gradually. Mind you, not much point saying that if it isn't true!

Hmm, reminds me of Blanche Dubois, and not in a good way.

tribe

would you also have the final say in bringing up your child as well?

There's an alternative. Agree to it and pick a middle name which you like, OP, then call your daughter nothing but that. It wouldn't be in the least unusual, there are zillions of John Pauls who are called Paul because the father is also called John, trillions of Sams who are really Samuels etc.

So, Graham, you'd happily lie to your DH? Lovely.

Boney

Yes.

Best of luck with the divorce, GT.

Bah - mixed up my forums! rubyredshoes

I doubt that will happen, bruxeur, but thank you anyway.

OP, if you come back

what does your DP call your son?
Jacob
Jake
J
his middle name

that wouls at least give you some wriggle room.

If I were you and if I felt that strongly about it I would simply smile and nod at DH and then go register the baby in the name of my choice.

I think after the Jake episode and The Promise, I'd leave anyone who did that if I were the DH, as it would be clear there is only one parent in this game.

I agree that it'll come as a surprise to you, Graham, if that's how you usually communicate.

Blanche does have unfortunate connotations.

Bianca?

Colleague of mine was adamant that she would let her PFB name her baby and had to change her mind when it was a definite, "ELVIS"

I quite like the name Blanche... What would your choice of name be? We could do a vote!

Yabvu and you know it, so maybe you should grovel, apologise and sweet talk your DH rather than fight against him.

tribe

at least your honest about it.

Also I actively would want to name any daughter I had after either of our grandmothers but unfortunately our siblings have pretty much beat us to it.

This is your own fault for walking all over your husband, the first time around.

You shouldn't have imposed a name that he hated - you ought to have come up with something that you could both live with. Now unfortunately, your poor daughter will reap what you have sown, because Blanche is a fucking awful name.

Think you will just have to suck it up though - unless you want to be a single parent. Because if you renege on a promise, then your husband will have no respect for you.

If I was you I'd say to dh 'I made a promise and I will stand by it, even though I really dislike your choice. Now I am on the receiving end, I see that what I did was wrong and I'm sorry.' then hope for the best - he might be a better person than you and let you off the hook.

If not, well it's karma biting you on the arse

I'm too old to be surprised at much in life bruxeur, but as I said, thank you for your concern. My view is only that, mine. I'm not the OP and neither am I pregnant so it's irrelevant and we really could be here for days (and derail the OP's thread) if we keep going back to how dreadful you think my POV is. I told you back up there that I knew it would be unpopular but that won't change how I feel so there's no point in screaming YABU at me! Is there really any value in harping on about it just to have a bitch at me because I don't conform to your^ views? Let's move on, please.

i agree whatme.

It's a shame you made that promise, but now you've got to put your daughter's best interests first. Will it be an almighty row?

Horrible name, but tbh. I prefer it to Jacob.

I think if the father gets to choose the last name (his family name), the mother should choose the first name. However, nobody should choose a name the other parent hates.

Karma's advice is not only the best so far but really your only option at this stage. it might just win him round (if this isn't a wind up.) In which case, count your lucky stars.

soup I phrased it badly. What I meant was that even if he changes his mind, he'll probably stick with it regardless if he's that stubborn. I don't care either way about the name TBH - I can sort of see it could be nice. Nice to use the GM name though - we've done similar for our DCs.

I've been thinking about this, and I suppose if I'm honest I do remember what a surprise it was when DH didn't like the same names as I did. I could hardly believe that just saying them louder wasn't changing his mind about them. Even at the time I realised that this was going to be the first in a line of attitude adjustments and compromises - it's an easy starter project for new parents, really.