Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I promised DH he could name the baby. Now I've changed my mind.

397 replies

JakeyMom · 13/04/2012 11:21

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had my heart set the name Jacob. DH hated it and used to come up with all these alternatives but I had my heart set and I promised him that if he let me call DS Jacob he would pick the next DC's name. I PROMISED.
So fast forward and I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally DH has been considering names. He was under the illusion that we would be having a boy and had already picked out the name Adam which I was fine with. However, it turns out we're having a girl which has totally thrown DH off course.
He's now decided he wants to name DD after his GRANDMOTHER(!!!) as she brought him up. It's an AWFUL name for a child (Blanche) and I just can't bring myself to agree. The name makes me shudder, it reminds me of coronation street. I've told him I hate the name and it's disgusting for a baby but he won't budge on it and is digging his heels in. AIBU to go back on my promise for the sake of our DD?

OP posts:
GravyHadALumpyMashBaby · 13/04/2012 14:30

If that's what you agreed (and your Dh has to live with Jacob's name) then I'm sad for him that you would then want to go back on that agreement.

Very horrible for your DH. You refused to compromise so why should your DH?

Names aren't horrible btw, they're just personal taste surely? Hmm

Inertia · 13/04/2012 14:34

Blanche is fine as a name. The issue is that the whole baby naming plan that the two of you have agreed is so confrontational, there isn't an easy way round it. You set this up. The best time to put forward other suggestions would be immediately post-birth, when you'll feel more like a united team and DH has had a first hand reminder of what birth involves- not that that gives you first dibs, more that you may both be in a better mood to find a compromise.

And I came on to post what RubyRed has already suggested- you could practise using the name by doing lots of cooking that involves vocal blanching of vegetables, blanching at the cost of things, etc.

bruxeur · 13/04/2012 14:36

I'm not sure the "silly homonym" approach is going to work when her son's called Jakey

attheendoftheday · 13/04/2012 14:37

Sorry, i think yabu. If your dh had to learn to living with a name he hated you can do the same.

You should have compromised in the first place.

MadameChinLegs · 13/04/2012 14:43

You forced dh to go with a name he hates. for that yabu and good on him for finding a name which causes you to feel how he did about jacob. you must stick to your word. there is always the chance that he may change his mind.

Inertia · 13/04/2012 14:44

Bruxeur- I've never heard of that definition before!

(am scared to look at whether my own children's names are slang for something unpleasant)

Merran · 13/04/2012 14:46

You have to, you promissed!

His son has a name he hated, he has learnt to love the name as he loves his son.

You will have to do the same.

I like Blanche, its a classic and dignified name. Hard to put a middle name with tho.

Did you let him chose a middle name for DS?

ohmygosh123 · 13/04/2012 14:48

Choose her a different style morenormal middle name so the poor child can at least change what she is known as. I knew quite a few people like that at secondary school. We crossed any names off the list either of us didn't like (even if just because they reminded us of someone truly horrid.) Made it to a short list, and chose from there.

How about finding out what his grandmother's mother's name was - then is still a mark of respect to the grandmother if you both like it. Also ask him if his grandmother actually liked her name - mine loathed it (Ethel) and so I wouldn't name my child after her IYSWIM.

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/04/2012 14:51

YABVU, you promised so now have to follow through. Given you were quite happy to treat your DH badly and name your first child something you knew he hated I think its quite fitting you hate the next name now. You sow what you reap.

anewmotivatedme · 13/04/2012 14:52

Are you sure he isn't teasing you?

anewmotivatedme · 13/04/2012 14:53

Can we think of a similar name, as a compromise name. Blanche inspired?

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 13/04/2012 14:53

Blanche - It does grow on you.

I wasn't that keen on DD1 first name - old grannies name but liked the reason DH pick on it and thought no-one else would have the same name. DH went to school with 5 people in same class with same name while mine is more uncommon which I've always liked.

She has grown into it though family were initially very taken back. Unfortunately another girl in her year with same name as it turn out is was one coming back into fashion. Had the same with DD2 name - old one coming back. DS name hasn't had that issue.

Am a bit Shock that you haven't looked for compromises with DC names. Surely that part of early parenthood going through lists and finding ones you both like?

LetsKateWin · 13/04/2012 14:54

I would really hate any of my DCs to have a name that I didn't like.

However, you insisted on Jacob when your DH said he hated it, so I really don't think you've got a leg to stand on I'm afraid.

anewmotivatedme · 13/04/2012 14:54

Beatrice begins with a b?

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 13/04/2012 14:54

With DD1 - I gave her a middle name I liked more and DH liked- just in case.

AlmaMartyr · 13/04/2012 14:55

Blanche is alright. I knew a Blanche at school and she was never bullied or teased.

Tbh, if you went ahead using a name he hated then you've put yourself in a difficult spot now. If I was you, I'd apologise profusely to my DH for my behaviour, admit I've seen that it was a mistake and hope he'd be a bigger person and compromise.

anewmotivatedme · 13/04/2012 14:58

If you pronounce it the french way, its blahnsch

Its how you would say Carte Blanche. Not so bad?

LetsKateWin · 13/04/2012 15:04

When I first read you post, I thought your DH must be messing with you. However, reading through all the posts, the name is really growing on me the more times I hear it in my head. I think the French pronunciation sounds quite lovely. It can sound beautiful or harsh, depending how you pronounce it.

Spuddybean · 13/04/2012 15:05

Oh dear OP. I think you are just going to have to suck it up. You have written a cheque and now it needs cashing.

Personally no matter how much i loved a name, i couldn't name our child that if its father didn't like it. It would cloud the name for me knowing my DP wasn't happy with it.

At the mo' we are choosing our babies name and while DP loves Victor, i hate it. And he hates Edward/teddy which i love. So we are having neither.

I know someone called Ian who is actually named Robert. His father went against everyones wishes and registered him Robert. Everyone as punishment called the baby Ian (which the father hated). It caused a huge rift. I also know of 2 similar cases to this.

I would suggest you try to come up with a suitable alternative which you both are happy about and genuinely apologise at your insistence on Jacob. Or just accept Blanche.

xkcdfangirl · 13/04/2012 15:05

I hate to say it but I think YABU. Your DH has had to learn to live with a name he hated for DS, and presumably he has got used to it now. It's your turn now, and he's not asking you to do anything that he hasn't already done for you. This moment could only have been avoided if you had compromised before and found an alternative to Jacob for DS. Let her be called Blanche, make sure she has a middle name that anyone can live with, and if she ever expresses dissatisfaction with her name make sure she knows she can always choose to be known by her middle name - many people I know use their middle names as their known-as name. Meanwhile, you can use a pet-name for her (most children I know are actually addressed as sausage/pickle/cupcake etc and very rarely called by their name). But you never know, you may learn to love the name Blanche as you get to know the lovely young woman who your DD will become.

(it is also possible that if you wholeheartedly and willingly agree to the name Blanche, explaining to DH that you really don't like the name but are willing to accept it because he did the same for you, he MAY (if he's that kind of guy) decide out of the goodness of his heart decide not to make you go through with it)

Spuddybean · 13/04/2012 15:09

anew how else could it be pronounced? That's the only way i know it to be pronounced and it's still not nice imo.

thegreylady · 13/04/2012 15:12

Oh dear Blanche is one of the worst baby names I have seen on here-so many awful connotations too: 'she blanched with fear',blanche the cauliflower in boiling water and of course the awful Corrie Blanche.Your dh couldn't be so cruel surely.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2012 15:12

My DH hated the name Jacob for DD (who we were convinced was a boy) and I loved it. I wanted a J name and he hated Jake, Jacob, Joe etc. We settled on Malcolm because we AGREED neither of us hated it. She ended up a girl and he loved the girl's name I picked so it all worked out but that was our system. Your system was to get a kid each. Suck it up. And in 10 years no one will remember the Golden Girls or Blanche Dubois.

squoosh · 13/04/2012 15:15

I'm on a one woman mission to make sure people do remember the Golden Girls. One of the best comedies to feature a strong all female cast.

TheSurgeonsMate · 13/04/2012 15:20

Thank You For Being A Friend, squoosh

I can barely remember which one was Blanche - was it the high maintenance one?