To be pissed off with parents - just can't be bothered with the DC?

[AnonymousBird]

Need to be quick - parents turning up in ten minutes.

We don't see much of them, live just a bit too far apart to make it easy to link up. We are constrained by school, work etc, they are retired but completely mobile and healthy. They phoned last week to say they were coming to see their friends who live approx 30 minutes from us and would like to come and see us too. I had assumed to stay the night, as it's quite a drive to do there and back in one day and said, great, see you then. They phoned yesterday to confirm and I said "hope you'll stay for supper and the night". Got a short rebuke from mother dear - of course we can't.

So they said, they were meeting friends for lunch around Noon, would have lunch, coffee, chat etc, and then head to us for the afternoon. Mum texted half an hour ago (just before 6) with the shortest text - yesterday when we spoke she said she would phone as I have very little phone signal here and that, so texting is unreliable as she well knows. They are arriving in ten minutes and only staying for half an hour.

We only see them every 2 - 3 months - and now we are graced with barely 30 minutes of their presence, despite the fact that their friends got 6 hours.

And from the second they get here I know, just KNOW that Mum will be clock watching and nagging Dad to leave because they've left the dog behind or some other such trivial matter. Then she will panic about the state of the traffic on the motorway and such and such and then they will leave as fast as they arrived.

LIVID! DC will be disappointed again that their maternal GP's just cannot be arsed with them one little bit. Poor DC have been asking all afternoon what time they are going to arrive.

AIBU to think that they could have balanced their afternoon better, knowing that it's the only chance for us all to see each other for a while and even if things had so grossly run over with their friends (it was lunch FFS) then they could have called to explain that they were delayed....

Drunkendaisy . . . Are you drunken?

Yes it is. I'm actually very nice, I just can't stand hysterical demands and seething resentment.

But they have left the dog behind and they are seeing the children (although it sounds like this is more of a chore than a pleasure for them). They see them every 2-3 months which seems like quite often to me, if they don't live locally.

I guess I'm just baffled by so many adults still being so desperate for approval and attention from their parents, even to the point of being jealous of their pets!

Drunkendaisy - how rude.
Its not unreasonable to want your parents to make a bit of an effort to see their grandchildren.
OP doesn't want her to change her hair appointment - but she bloody well should!

The thing is, you say that you are constrained by school & work-and surely that applies to them also-that they are constrained by your work & childrens school.

There is then only evenings/weekends/school holidays.

How often do you see each other at weekends?

Jealous of pets? What? I don't think anyone is jealous, just would like to be prioritised over the dog.

DrunkenDaisy - are you actually drunk?

You sound delightful!

Is anyone else not seeing the connection between right wing politics and thinking someone might put seeing their grandchildren ahead of a rearrangable hair appointment??

YANBU, OP. It does cause a lot of pain to have to work hard at a relationship when the other parties aren't bothered. It really comes down to either accepting doing all the work yourself, or deciding that you will expect very little from these people and teach your kids that, sadly. Don't build them up to your DC if they don't deserve it - that doesn't mean rant about them either, of course, but just be clear-headed about it.

Wanting affection from your parents is natural, no matter your age.

When I had DS, I signed up to be his mum until I die, not until he leaves home then I can "get my life back". I don't consider visiting your children/grandchildren a job. It should be a pleasure.

I think it should have been whinger

Ephiny Yeah, what's with wanting your parents to show that they love you, eh? Crazy!

Chub

My dad came round last night to drop of DH's birthday present. He said he could only drop it and run (despite having only seen DS for 30 minutes since December) I asked what the rush was. "I've got some bad news" he says. I went white thinking there was bad news about my aunty who is very ill. "The cat has run away. Your DSM is VERY UPSET."

Wind your fucking neck in. What are you rushing home for? To form a welcoming committee for the cat lest it turn up?

Chill out everyone. I just don't see what the OP's parents have done to warrant the hysterics and sarky5 'mother dear' comments.

They see them every 2 or 3 months and this time they did pop in for 1 and half hours this time. Th OP read to me like a spoilt brattish, bitter rant, and that can't be fun for anyone.

A missing cat can be a very distressing situation.

I hope you remember your posts on this subject when no one visits you in the nursing home daisy.

No need to be so arsey though Drunken!

DrunkenDaisy- you sound delightful bet you would make a great grandparent !
YANBU op- they cant be arsed to see their flesh & blood for more than half hour but can prance around at a mates house for 6 hours.
I feel for you up, they sound absolutely uncaring and awful

Chub! You are on a roll today!!!!

I'll probably be far too invloved when I'm a GM and DD will have the opposite problem, but I don't see that everyone has to be the same.

I thought the OP's rant sounded vile that's all.

vile not at all.

But then if you have a parents who are very handson with their children it is easy to judge others.

I am in the exact same boat as the OP so would be very upset. My parents say things like 'Friday? Oh we go to Sainsburys on Friday.' WELL YOU ARE RETIRED AND SAINS IS OPEN ON THURSDAYS TOO!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!

"they cant be arsed to see their flesh & blood for more than half hour but can prance around at a mates house for 6 hours."

Maybe they get on better/have more fun with friends?

Well maybe I'm the crazy one then (entirely possible, I admit!) but I just really struggle to imagine being so emotionally dependent on my parents as an adult.

Yes they have their eccentric ways and can be a bit silly and annoying at times, but don't most of us have elderly relatives like that? They're not likely to change (people tend to get more set in their ways if anything as they get older), you just have to smile and occasionally do a and get on with your own life.

Woe betide any change in The Routine.

It cuts deep when it's a parent though, Ephiny

I wouldn't give two stuffs if Uncle Roy and Aunty Dotty cba to visit, but parents? Come on. My dad is like OP's parents and it does hurt. Not even a phonecall once a week to see how DS is. Not on his first day at school/when he was ill with chickenpox... nothing. And that's not being emotionally dependent, that's just wanting the bare minimum.