Im furious that sister took an overdose and her husband didnt tell anybody!!!

[Fanty]

He told my dad a couple of days later and HE didnt bother telling me or my mother or my other sister who is a clinical psychologist and therefore kinda handy in a situation like this. Oh, yep, and he is a counsellor himself who has been working away as usual, leaving her alone in the house til nine each night. Jesus. He'd be sacked if this was in a professional capacity.

I am normally the closest of all of us by a mile but she fell out with me last august when i went on holiday with her and wasnt being fun enough ( had a mc the week before i went so was a mess, frankly). This is the reality of having a relly who is borderline pd.

I really think a phonecall is in order because while he is only abiding by her wishes, I trust that he will make her follow up her treatment. I know she will do this again. Am i right to be mad? I know your husband is your next of kin Etc but surely he had a moral responsibility to contact her mother.

Would like to hear your rational thoughts ... PLEASE

"while he is only abiding by her wishes"

So, your sister didn't want you to know?

If i was her i would be furious if he went against my wishes.

It's nor about who you or he wanted to tell though is it. It's about who she wanted to tell.

Hi Fanty. I completly understand how you feel but he may have been in a very tricky situation if his wife's wishes were that no one was told. If I told my DH not to tell family memebers something like this and he went and told them Id be furious.

I also don't think that the sister who is a clinical psychologist would be handy as she wouldn't know your sister in a professional capacity, she is too close to the situation.

I have a friend who is a n outstanding clinical psychologist but her son has very deep mental issues and emotional problems. She is no use to him whatsoever, much to her saddness.

Please stop making this about you. For whatever reason your sister didn't want you to know. That's up to her surely. She must be in a very dark place to OD. Maybe have a bit more compassion for her and her DH who must feel really bad himself right now.

It was absolutely the right thing to do if that's what she had asked.

Also, I have family who are psychologists. They're the last people that I'd want to talk to about mental health issues I was having (if I was) as they're too close. You need some distance between you and your psychologist, not someone who turns up with a shared history and lots of baggage.

None of your business, YABU. None of anyone's business except your sister's tbh!

He's following her wishes and frankly your reaction shows why she didn't want you to know!

poor sister - he was following her wishes - he sounds like one of the few family members who listens to her x

If my DH had done this and asked me to not tell his family, I would absolutely respect his wishes.

Also, regarding your other sister being a clinical psychologist, I second katiesname. Apart from knowing the processes to follow after an incident like this (which I imagine their GP would know anyway), what else could she do? I don't think a CP would be able to treat a member of their own family?

I agree with others who have said he was respecting her wishes.

Also, having a clinical psychologist in the family could well be the last thing she actually wants right now.

How much effort did you make to patch up your argument with her?

He was following her wishes, like amy decent H would do.

YABVU and sounds like your sister has a DH who actually respects her and her wishes.

If I had tried to kill myself and failed I would absolutely NOT want my DH to tell ANYONE, least of all my immediate family and ESPECIALLY if my mother was a clinical psychologist.

God, the thought of having your own mother trying to get inside your head and analyse you at a time when you are feeling low and vulnerable just does not bear thinking about. I cannot think of anything I'd want less.

oh sorry - it was the other sister who was the CP. Either way, still a big NO NO.

ok, seem to be various issues at play

firstly, he is her husband, therefore their relationship trumps yours in terms of whose wishes should be abided by. she asked him not to tell you, and he abided by her wishes, as he should have.

secondly, your sister being a psychologist- as others have pointed out, she is too close to the situation and surely it would be unethical for her to 'counsel' your sister in these circs?

thridly, you say you fell out in august.... well, that was a while ago, why if things were still frosty , would you expect her to tell you things so deep and dark?

fourthly, if he is a counsellor, and working hard to support the family, why is he getting it in the neck from you too for being out of the house ? does your sis work? are there children involved?

her needs/wants and emotions need protecting at this time and he has done that.

you sound very angry at him and her frankly and it's all a bit me me me.. yet you fell out?

It's easy to blame him......easier than blaming yourself for your own failings.

What Hilly said.

I have experience of being the family member who was asked NOT to tell anybody else. And trust me, not telling is much harder than telling would be. But I had an obligation to respect the wishes of the person concerned, not any other relatives. It made the job of supporting that person so much harder, because not telling meant that we were unable to access any support for ourselves - it became a very isolating experience. There are still some 'friends' and relatives who are still 'off' with us because they couldn't understand why we couldn't join in with certain events and we could not tell them the reason why. But guess what? if I was in the same situation again, I would STILL respect the wishes of the person concerned, even if knew it would mean that other relationships would wither as a result. Your BIL is doing what any supportive person would - he is respecting your DSis wishes.

Maybe, instead of berating him and your father, you could find a way to support BIL. Oh, and no, his moral responsibility is to his WIFE, not his MIL.

YABU

If your sister isn't talking to you, why would you expect to be told. Her do did tell someone though, he told your Dad.

I woudo imagine that going against the wishes of someone who has just taken an overdose isn't the most sensible thing to do if they are still conscious.

Borderline PD can be familial, can't it?

yabu because it's up to her who knows, but other people on this thread are also being rather U for asking you whether you made an effort to make up with her after your falling out, or whether you need to blame yourself. That's irrelevant, you are not at all to blame for your sister's behaviour. Best wishes :)