Im furious that sister took an overdose and her husband didnt tell anybody!!!

[Fanty]

He told my dad a couple of days later and HE didnt bother telling me or my mother or my other sister who is a clinical psychologist and therefore kinda handy in a situation like this. Oh, yep, and he is a counsellor himself who has been working away as usual, leaving her alone in the house til nine each night. Jesus. He'd be sacked if this was in a professional capacity.

I am normally the closest of all of us by a mile but she fell out with me last august when i went on holiday with her and wasnt being fun enough ( had a mc the week before i went so was a mess, frankly). This is the reality of having a relly who is borderline pd.

I really think a phonecall is in order because while he is only abiding by her wishes, I trust that he will make her follow up her treatment. I know she will do this again. Am i right to be mad? I know your husband is your next of kin Etc but surely he had a moral responsibility to contact her mother.

Would like to hear your rational thoughts ... PLEASE

You're not unreasonable to be upset, obviously. But I don't necessarily agree that your mother should have been told, your sister is presumably an adult and it's her decision who she tells about this sort of thing.

If it was me I would have been furious if DP had gone against my wishes and disclosed something private/personal to my parents. That would be a real betrayal of trust IMO.

Is it not better to feel relieved there is somebody she feels close enough, and trust enough to share her true feelings with?

Surely if he broke her trust, then she would feel she could not trust anyone?

Very hard for you I'm sure OP but you have to accept the fact she has support, and its the support she has chosen. Be it rightly or wrongly in your eyes - its her choice.

I think your support would be more beneficial than your wrath to be honest.

OP - I am not clear, are you saying she has bipolar?

Lesley-OP is refering to Boderline Personality Disorder, which is a very separate condition though there can sometimes be similarities in the way it presents but they require very different treatment options.

Thanks - I know what this is but hadn't clicked.

Im worried that my sister is not getting the help she needs
Im worried because she has stated very clearly that she does not want any help
I am worried in case she does this again
I am worried that she is left alone all day until 9pm in the evning. This is not clever.
And i know this is not about me as you all seem to think. My sister was my best friend until a few months ago when she just shut me out. She will not talk to or about me. I cant talk to anybody in real life as we share our friends. So i came on here with admittedly a badly phrased post but nonetheless, most of you are being extremely judgemental and catty. Oops skorru, there i go, being all self centred again!!
Her issues are not about family, she is actually unable to have children which has devastated her.
So "thanks".

This is AIBU, perhaps relationships would have been a better place?
No-one can force your sister to get help but if she was a serious suicide risk would she not be being treated as such? I take it she has been in contact with someone official?
In your op it did come across as slightly dismissive of the motives of her dh as to why he did not let anyone else know. I think it would be helpful to seperate trying to repair your relationship with your sister from the recent events, so try and extend a hand but not in a way that it looks like your motivation is the recent suicide attempt. Sorry if that's not very clear, can't think how else to phrase it.

I totally understand that you must be extremely worried and anxious OP. I lost a close friend to suicide last year. However, I do think her DH had no choice really but to keep this confidential if she wanted it to be.

Yes she will have been assessed as a suicide risk. But sometimes this is accurate and sometimes not. And somone's risk level can change. So I do understand your concern.

Being alone all day could be a bad or a good thing. Sometimes when people are very dpressed it is easier to cope being alone. But I agree that its not good that he has not cleared the house of drugs like paracetomal. Some people don't do this because they wrongly think if someone really wants to do it, they will find a way. Actually most suicide attempts are impulsive rather than planned.

But what can you actually do to help. Given that your sister won't speak to you I think the only way is to approach her DH, say you know how hard it must be for him and offer him support. This could include listening to him so he can better offer your sister support and may in time mean that he and your sister are happy for you to spend time with her.

But he may reject this offer of support.

The only other thing you could do is write to your sister saying how sorry you were to hear about what happened, tell her you love her and that you will always be there for her. Don't expect a reply, she may be too depressed to reply. But at least she will know hwo much you love her and that you will always be there for her.

And try and find support from yourself from people who understand this. You need to look after yourself too.

So he works and is supporting her and doing what his wife has requested of him?

Right.

What a twat

If you fell out in August then surely it's understandable? Doesn't sound close
To me

Hold on- first you seemed to say she had been ill for a long time. Now you are saying that it is because she can't have children?

It could be a number of issues that has made her feel suicidal. Suicide bids are immensely complex- it could have been impulsive, it could have been the culmination of a lot of things. But you still cannot force someone to get help- it's what makes mental illness so draining for the people around.
And perhaps her husband HAS to work long hours to support both of them. I can hardly think it's a picnic for the bloke- having an emotionally demanding job and worrying about his wife being home alone. As lesley said- wouldn't it be better to offer him some support, and thus your sister, instead of looking for someone to blame?

I'm beginning to see why she didn't want you to know.

'Yes he's respecting her wishes BUT...'

stop right there at the but.

there IS no but.

She is an adult, she has the RIGHT to not tell you anything she wants. Unless she is sectionable, that's absolutely how it should be and her husband did the right thing.

If you were so worried about her, why don't you drop in for a visit during the day time instead of ranting about her DH? Let bygones be bygones, at least for the moment.

Don't be hard on the OP, better she gets her venom out here than on the poor fella already coping with his wife's suicide attempt.

You sound very very angry OP.

OP I think you are angry. You are probably feeling anger at the whole situation, but it is not her dhs fault. He is also have a hard time, his wife has tried to kill herself. Nobody (including your mum) has the right to know unless she wants them to. Simple.
As for having a go at him for working, seriously? Why don't YOU do something if your so worried about her being alone. You are making it all about you, what you think should be done, what you think the issues is, what you think her dh should have done, who you think has the 'right' to know. MH is a complex issue and is not 'one size fits all'. His job (or your other sisters) isn't going to help anyone. Why don't you think about what you can do, rather than who you can blame? I get you are upset, really I do. But this is not her dhs fault and your anger towards him isn't going to help your sister.

`His loyalty is to her not you and your family. She wants to keep her mental problems private not have them broadcast to all and he is trusted to maintain her privacy and dignity.

This is her life not a silly drama for you to play in

We don't know the OP. Perhaps she is just an angry type of person. But a close friend of mine killed herself and I can tell you that I felt furious. Perhaps not a logical reaction, but actually it is a very very common one.

OP, I hope that your sister has made a good recovery.

I have to say though, it sounds like you're just a bit miffed at missing out on some "drama". Your sister has a good husband by the sounds of things. I think he did the right thing by not telling you, judging by your reaction, sorry.

You didn't get the answers you were after op now are going off in a strop and calling everyone catty?

Get a grip. This isn't about you. I can completely understand your worry. But blaming the husband who is following his wides wishes is not going to improve this situation. Mayb just send her a txt saying " if you need anything I'm here and I love you" so she knows if she needs you your there and your not forcing yourself upon her?

I really hope she gets better op and that in time you see it from another point of view. Goodluck

I suspect OP has disappeared because her sister has taken an overdose and she has more important things to do than hang around at the other end of a laptop and read lots of randoms telling her off.

For what it's worth, I think Lesley33 is quite correct - anger, often without a clear object, is a very common response to suicide, attempted suicide and self-harm in general.

I know AIBU is the corner of mn where people are invited to give fairly manichean responses to various situations but, really, discovering your sister has taken steps towards suicide is a situation that begins a fairly complex emotional landscape and is probably worthy of a fairly flexible, latitudinous listening response.

To be really honest if your sister really wants to end her life she will find a way regardless of whether she is alone all day or has somebody with her.

She is an adult and if she wants her dh to keep things secret it is absolutely her choice. Her dh has no obligation to anyone but her.

And you getting cross with her or with her dh is only going to make the situation worse.

If you really want to help her, let her know you're then if she needs you and then back off.

Yet she had enough time to post a thread in aibu. If you post here expect, honest opinions. The OP is blaming a man, who is probably going through hell, because he hasn't acted how she wants him to. Sod what her sister wants. I do agree (as I said before) that the OP is feeling angry in general. Its a common response. I had friend who kill himself when we were 16, ione of the emotions was that I was god damn angry. I was angry at different people at different times. At me (I thought I could've done something), at everyone who knew him (surely they could've done something) and finally with him. What I didn't do is openly blame someone who was close to him and invite opinions. Had he survived I certainly wouldn't have blamed someone for supporting his decisions in the aftermath. Who am I to say how it should be dealt with?

Memoo - That is a common misapprehension. Most people who try and kill themself do it on impulse. This is why reducing the doses paracetomel is sold in, thereby lessening the number of tablets in an average household, has reduced paracetomel overdoses.

Borderline can be familial, can't it?