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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not care whether I have a baby boy or girl?

67 replies

QuintessentialQuaker · 10/04/2012 15:47

After three DS with this pregnancy all I have been asked is "are you hoping for a girl", "I bet you're excited at the prospect of having a girl", "surely it's your turn to have a girl now?" and other comments to that affect.

Why do people automatically assume we want a girl? Obviously it would be nice but so would four DSs. Sorry about the moan but it really got to me!

As a side though, have you had similar questions and if you have had two or more of one gender did you then want one of the other?

OP posts:
everlong · 10/04/2012 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

openerofjars · 10/04/2012 15:54

I have 1 boy and am pg with dc 2. I couldn't give a stuff which sex it is, but this seems to upset some people, such as random work colleagues who would be much happier if I knew or cared either way.

I'm quite happy just to be pg, thanks.

Haribojoe · 10/04/2012 15:54

Had the same when pregnant with DC3 (my third boy) and DC4 (girl 1 week old yesterday).

It bothered me too so I just politely smiled and told people that I was hoping for a healthy baby and would be just as happy with a boy as with a girl.

Try not to let it get you down, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy Smile

squoosh · 10/04/2012 15:55

YANBU. After happy and healthy, surely the main concern should be 'I don't really care what you have between your legs but please have an interesting personality, I don't want to be the mother of a dullard'.

On an American 'mommy' blog I read that the latest craze is 'gender reveal parties?.

Yes, you invite all your friends and family around and have a dramatic moment where you announce the sex of your foetus. Popular methods are to have an cake with white icing and when you cut in you?ll see whether it?s a blue cake or a pink cake. Such fun, such excitement . . . . . . for the parents of the baby. Who else, cares what sex another person?s baby will be. So self absorbed and narcissistic. If anyone invited me to one of these parties I?d punch them, the male partner obiously as it?s not the done thing to deck a pregnant lady.

Original poster
QuintessentialQuaker · 10/04/2012 16:03

Love not wanting to be the mother of a dullard!

OP posts:
Cassettetapeandpencil · 10/04/2012 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbwitch · 10/04/2012 16:07

It's just another of those "things people say to pregnant women". Nod and smile then ignore. :)

Kendodd · 10/04/2012 16:11

I hate this as well and think it's really sad if people do care what sex a baby is, how can somebody look at their new born baby and be disappointing because it's the 'wrong' sex.

I had a friend desperate for a girl who doesn't even believe other women when that say they don't care what sex they have, she thinks people are just pretending they don't care.

I have girl, boy, girl so people love me for getting it so right!

NatashaBee · 10/04/2012 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 10/04/2012 16:18

There was an awful documentary on Channel 4 a while about mother's of boys who were desperate for a daughter and were very vocal about their disappointment in front of said sons.

Thumbwitch · 10/04/2012 16:20

My mum wanted a boy first. She got me. She was disappointed. It showed.

EostreAngelofchocolateeggs · 10/04/2012 16:24

You could always say you'd like to have a kitten or a giraffe instead Grin

mommabee · 10/04/2012 16:28

I had DS first and have just had DD, found out I was having DD and whenever I told other people all I got was 'oooh how lovely one of each' etc that really did my head in as I didn't care, would have loved another DS wasn't bothered! I was puzzled at the view of wanting one of each!???

McPopcornMouseNFries · 10/04/2012 16:35

Omg. I can't believe people would ask you if you're disappointed to have a son Natasha Shock

FondleWithCare · 10/04/2012 16:36

There is an assumption that people want one of each which I don't understand. I have one girl, no boys and when I said I was having a girl most people just said "congratulations" as you do whatever the gender but one colleague pulled a sympathetic face and said "oh I'm so sorry." Angry Why would anybody say that about a baby of either gender?

Anyway, smile and ignore, pregnant women do tend to get a lot of unwanted comments and advice.

invicta · 10/04/2012 16:38

I had this conversion with a younger work colleague recently, despite my ds being 10 and 12. She asked whether I had wanted a girl (or still do). I'm more than happy with my two boys (no pink, Barbie, tights, ponytails, long hair etc). I couldn't quite believe that after a decade since being pregnant (with no desires to resume that situation), that issue still came up.

GeriatricBabyMama · 10/04/2012 16:38

There was an awful documentary on Channel 4 a while about mother's of boys who were desperate for a daughter and were very vocal about their disappointment in front of said sons.

Was that the one where the woman burst into tears at her scan when she was told her baby was a boy? I felt so sad for her (beautiful) little boys.

People do seem to assume that you must want the opposite to what you've already got. Or maybe that all women want a girl Hmm A few months ago, I had to have a termination for abnormalities and found out that the baby was a boy. The otherwise wonderfully supportive friend who came along to hold my hand on the day of the procedure said that she expected that I'd find it easier to cope with seeing as I was losing a boy and not a girl (already have one DS). Er, no.

AlanMoore · 10/04/2012 16:47

YANBU, people are seriously weird about this stuff. We had a few "oh you can get it right next time!" 'jokes' on the birth of DD, and when I told my usually sane and intelligent friend that our new baby is a boy (probably, I'm not counting this chicken before he hatches) she said "oh, I bet your DP is SO pleased isn't he!" like a girl would have been some sort of disappointment...I also spent an uncomfortable afternoon with a friend and her friend, both mothers of boys, who pretty much commiserated with me for not having a "lil man" (vom) and kept saying things about my DD like "she's so well-behaved, well, she's a girl". WTF? My usual gang of "mum friends" all have only boys and not only is DD not the best behaved, they don't talk such CRAP.

MrsCampbellBlack · 10/04/2012 16:51

I had 2 sons and then had a DD. People did seem to assume we'd been trying for a girl when actually she was a delightful surprise.

However being totally honest I was delighted to have a daughter as am close to my mother and sister and guess wanted to have a similar relationship with a daughter of my own.

This doesn't diminish the love I feel for my sons but truthfully I was very excited when I found out she was a girl. But you know I'd have loved another son too.

Congratulations.

Ilovedaintynuts · 10/04/2012 16:52

People say all sorts of crap.
When pregnant with DC3 I was asked a few times why I was having another baby. "but you have a boy and a girl already, why do you want another?"
Err, because I want to grow another person irregardless of gender Hmm

Katienana · 10/04/2012 16:54

I think I would like one of each so I could experience the differences between bringing up sons and daughters. Currently expecting my first and for some reason can only imagine myself with a girl...but will be thrilled whatever the sex. I think it's just something people say to make conversation - but the person who offered commiserations was very odd, FondleWithCare! I knew someone who was the same when I announced my engagement, think he was just trying to make a joke and was a bit socially inept!

GeekCool · 10/04/2012 16:59

GeriatricBabyMama

That's just awful. Awful.

I can never understand why people say or think these things!

fullofregrets · 10/04/2012 16:59

I sympathise with people that desperately want one gender. I desperately want a girl. There is no doubt in my mind that if it was not illegal in the UK we would go for high tech gender selection.
I wish I had no preference but I do. I can't help it. Not that I don't love DS but I was devestated when I found out he was a boy. I know it is awful and irrational and terrible and selfish but that was how I felt.

harrietlichman · 10/04/2012 17:01

I have two DS's and am pregnant. I honestly don't care what DC3 is, but I anticipate comments along the 'bet you are hoping for a girl' lines. I will just smile serenely and ignore!

Thankgodforcaffeine · 10/04/2012 17:03

When I found out at the scan that I was having a girl, and started telling people, a few people asked whether my DH was disappointed.

I did find it rather shocking tbh, so I used to say "yes he is, even more so as he has lost the receipt and now we can't send her back" , all with a straight face.

Some of them did pull pretty funny faces :o