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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to now not want anything to do with my new neighbours

71 replies

piazilla · 10/04/2012 03:39

I moved into my new house recently. I have a 7 month old puppy who barks and cries when I leave the room,let alone go out. Being the conscienctious neighbour that I am,I bring her to a pet sitters every day when I work. However, on moving day, I didn't have time, and I put her in our back yard for about 4 hours while I packed up the remainder of our stuff in the old place.
When I got home, I could hear her barking,so I let her back in the house. I found a lovely typed note pinned to my gate. " YOu left your dog in the garden for hours. Do you think we want to listen to your dog barking for hours on end. No, it is beyond annoying! Next time leave the door open so your dog can come and go, or just leave him in the hourse -your neighbours!"

Come on! It was for about 3/4 hours on a Saturday afternoon. I know from one of my neighbours that the barking was not that bad at all ( unless she is lying to me, trying to make me feel a little better) Im sure she wasn't barking the WHOLE time.... AIBU to want to write a snotty note back and stick it on my neighbours doors ( 4 of us share a compound - so I am not even sure who wrote this flipping note ) Gone are my visions of neighbourly bbqs .....

OP posts:

thatisall · 10/04/2012 03:54

lol. I wouldn't write a snotty note back because frankly who would you write it to?
I'm an animal lover but I can't stand a barking dog!! I think you have to realise that the new neighbours might be panicking thinking this will be an every day occurrence and wanted to assert that it wasn't acceptable.

When i get new neighbours I forgive all noises, barks etc for a while because as we all know....moving is hell. But we can't all be perfect neighbours like me
I would put it down to experience and make nice with the neighbours. maybe mention the dog (not the note) when you speak to them and be nice and apologetic. Kill em with kindness. After all, if you're going to live with these people, you should choose your battles wisely x

nooka · 10/04/2012 03:58

Sorry but I think leaving a dog who you knew would bark in your garden for four hours was a very unreasonable thing to do. My neighbours do this on a regular basis and it drives me around the bend, especially when it is a nice day and I want to st in my garden and relax. I wouldn't have left a snitty note, but I would have been very unimpressed. I have a dog myself and do not enjoy the sound of distressed dog at all, and it sounds as if you knew that your dog would be very unhappy to be left for more than a few minutes, let alone hours in an unfamiliar environment. Why on earth didn't you take her with you, or organise for her to be with the pet sitter or someone else if she wouldl have been too much of a pain?

ZacharyQuack · 10/04/2012 04:07

I think you should leave an apologetic and charming note. A snotty note would pretty much ruin any future chance of a good relationship with your neighbours.

And barking whining dogs are really annoying. The neighbours didn't know if you are planning on regularly leaving him outside or if this was a one-off. You are the one in the wrong, so apologise.

Original poster

piazilla · 10/04/2012 04:16

I knew the dog would be unhappy because she is a puppy as I said and not used to being on her own - but to be honest - I had no choice about it.Trust me , I am not that person who leaves their dog for hours - it is why I spend a fortune on a daily basis on pet minders. Now I feel that I can't ever leave her to get used to being on her own for a while ( something all dogs need to be able to cope with eventually). Put it like this - I am on my hols at the moment - and I am now waiting till my DH comes home from work just so Ican pop out to the shops so she wont be on her own! I live somewhere where it isn't culturally acceptable to lug a dog around with you, and too hot to popthe dog in the car with a window cracked while you run in and out with boxes.

OP posts:

thatisall · 10/04/2012 04:23

not culturally acceptable to lug a dog with you? where do you live lol.

At the end of the day you have to leave your dog at some point, the neighbours were complaining about a dog left outside in a strange place for 4 hours, not in a living room for 30 mins.

If they complain again when you do that then yes they ABU.

I think you're taking it all to heart. It wasn't a note that was even written to you personally, merely 'the owner of this dog'.

If you're that worried, knock on their door and explain?

hairytaleofnewyork · 10/04/2012 05:43

Yabu and very selfish. Barking/whining dogs are extremely annoying.

complexnumber · 10/04/2012 05:51

I would have been so brassed off to have had to put up with a barking dog for 4 hours.

I think you neighbour was completely in order to let you know of the distress they suffered. Why would you feel the need to write them a snotty letter in reply?

A letter of apology would be much more appropriate, explaining why it happened, along with your assurances that you will do you best to not let it happen again. If you do not know who it is, drop a letter in each residence as you may well have pissed them all off.

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 10/04/2012 05:57

The dog barking is so annoying you keep it with you when you are home yet no-one else is allowed to dislike heating it? You are lucky they didn't report you.

You are being vvvvvvvur

nooka · 10/04/2012 05:59

I don't see why you couldn't have had the dog in the house where you were packing, where at least you would have been aware if she got really distressed and could have given her some attention every now and then. Yes it probably would have been a nuisance, but that's a part of the price of dog owning sometimes. Dogs do need to get accustomed to being left alone, but you do it gradually for a few minutes at a time, not suddenly and for several hours in a strange place. If your dog was unhappy at you being out of the room for a few minutes then I imagine that she is now really quite traumatised.

As for your snotty note to the neighbours, just what were you going to say in it?

Chubfuddler · 10/04/2012 06:27

Why didn't you put the dog in kennels for a day/night while you moved? If your dog cries and whines if you leave her for a few minutes four hours in a completely unfamiliar garden alone must have been awful for her. You were in the wrong and you know it.

ClaireAll · 10/04/2012 06:37

You left a puppy alone in the garden for 4 hours?

Suzietastic · 10/04/2012 06:43

You shouldnt have left it in the garden if you knew it would be distressed and make noise. I understand you think 4 hours isnt a long time but you might feel differently if it was banging music blasting through your walls for 4 hours on a saturday afternoon!

Having said that though, a snotty note is also not a great way to deal with friction, so I'm not surprised you are pissed off. It really helps to get on with your neighbours so just shrug it off, move on & be friendly.

wheremommagone · 10/04/2012 06:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

piazilla · 10/04/2012 06:53

Wow! Very interesting replies and different points of view. I suppose my irritation was more about the tone of the note, and how the person didn't have the neck to sign it. I would have been more than happy to drop around to apologise to the person in question , but as it was signed as " your neighbours", I had 4 different houses to choose from - so I rang the previous tenant ( who actually used to foster dogs) and asked her who she thought this may have bothered. She in turn called up one of the neighbours, who reported back that the dog barked a little, but that the note was an epic over-reaction. At that point I considered a snotty reply along the lines of

Dear neighbours,
Shame you didn't identify yourselves and took the passive agressive route. It was highly unusual that my dog had to be alone for this length of time and I can assure you that I will do my best not to let it happen again. I can only offer my sincere apologies for this incident.
However, in the unlikely event that my dog DOES choose to exercise her puppy sized vocal chords again, I would politely request that you let me know in person.
best regards PIAZILLA ( living in house number 10)

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans- the dog barking doesn't annoy me, and im training her not to bark by not running to her everytime she barks because
I am out of her line of vision. It doesn't annoy me , but I am conscious of my neighbours - making it harder to train her not to bark when she is on her own. This was a one off.
nooka-
I was not in the house, I was in the movers van directing the drivers where to go with all of our furniture. That said - Can I never leave the house again- is this the price of having a dog?

I have since found out that one of my neighbours has been known to take out a shotgun and shoot the pigieons on our roof. I don't think they are animal lovers full stop!... and no, I never wrote the note. It's been 5 weeks and I am now a virtual prisoner in my own home lol

OP posts:

Emmielu · 10/04/2012 06:53

This is just me but; if i had a new neighbour moving in & her puppy was barking or getting distressed I'd pop over & ask neighbour if she/he needed a hand or wanted me to walk the puppy. Say I had noticed the puppy was a bit stressed.

But your new neighbours chose a note, that's fine but I would write an apologetic note.

theodorakis · 10/04/2012 06:53

You need to do something about that. Anxious, neurotic, insecure dogs with separation anxiety are anti social at best and biters at worst. Get a puppy cage and start rewarding short spaces of time spent alone.

theodorakis · 10/04/2012 06:55

You are waiting for DH to come back so you can pop out?

AdelaideAussie · 10/04/2012 06:58

You should write a note to your neighbours, to apologise...

ZacharyQuack · 10/04/2012 06:59

So if you don't know which neighbour left the note, who are you intending to reply to?

And how can they let you know in person if you are out?

Original poster

piazilla · 10/04/2012 07:08

ZacharyQuac - I suppose I could leave my number - to be fair - I would rather not. But they could tell me when I came home.

theodorakis- yes, I haven't left the house during the day in about 3 days now that I am off and she isn't in the puppy minders for the day.This is why I am narked about it all - it's not as if I am saying " well screw you I dont care" = I am trying to address the issue! Its going to be a long summer holidays if this is the set up! She doesnt have a crate, but I pop her in the kitchen on her own for increasing amounts of time with her bed and water there. she barks for the first while, but ultimately quietens down because she knows I am still in the house. The issue comes once she I leave the house. Obviously I have no idea how long she barks for when I leave, but I was hoping she quietened down after a while. I can't tell you how many times I have "fake left the house" to see how long she took to stop barking - and then gave up for fear of upseting the neighbours!
She is extremely social - loves anyone who comes to the house, has met loads of people and dogs alike.She just doesn't like not being around people.

OP posts:

theodorakis · 10/04/2012 07:16

Sorry I sounded so patronising, it's just I am on my 50 something foster dog at the moment and so often this separation anxiety masks a dominance that in adulthood can be very problematic. I really would get a puppy cage, the reason is that it is their little secure kingdom, feed her in there, keep her toys and blankets in there, keep the cage near you in the evenings with tasty treats inside and you will find that she will start to choose to go in there. Then you can start putting a towel over about 80% of the cage, safe darkness and leaving her with a chew for 5 minutes. Leave the cage just by the front door so you can hear what is happening. I promise that a lot of this anxiety is about the big empty space feeling overwhelming to her, she will learn that she is safe in her little cave. Good luck, feel free to message me if you need any help and sorry for sounding like an arse.

Original poster

piazilla · 10/04/2012 07:23

Thanks theodorakis- I will look into getting a puppy cage! Anything I looked at before were pretty huge- she is a brussels griffon so is always going to be teeny .Ill check it out. When DH gets home LOL.

OP posts:

Booboostoo · 10/04/2012 07:25

I second the crate training, it can be a life saver. It's worth finding out how to introduce a dog to the crate properly though, it's not a punishment, it's a secure place of their own. Also you may want to try a DAP difuser/collar or similar.

You may also want to re-evaluate the amount of exercise she gets and enrol in a good training class to keep her mind active.

Best of luck!

iscream · 10/04/2012 07:27

This happened 5 weeks ago?
Well, if you do want to reply, you can make 4 copies of your note and give to each neighbour, but after 5 weeks, it is kinda of late.
I'd just try and be a thoughtful friendly neighbour and not worry about replying after all of this time.
Maybe (if not already planned) you can enrol the dog in obedience classes to train it?
That first note you considered sending was obviously written in an angry state, I would not send anything like that, if you want to be on decent terms with your neighbours.
"I am so sorry that my dog barked so much on moving day. Please let me assure you I am not in the habit of leaving him unattended for hours, and hopefully, he will not disturb you again.
Again, my sincere apologies.
#10 "

NevilleBarnes · 10/04/2012 07:29

Have I read this wrong? You haven't left the house at all in three days?

Do you not take your dog for a walk at all? Really?

Where on earth do you live that "it isn't culturally acceptable to lug a dog around with you"

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