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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to now not want anything to do with my new neighbours

71 replies

piazilla · 10/04/2012 03:39

I moved into my new house recently. I have a 7 month old puppy who barks and cries when I leave the room,let alone go out. Being the conscienctious neighbour that I am,I bring her to a pet sitters every day when I work. However, on moving day, I didn't have time, and I put her in our back yard for about 4 hours while I packed up the remainder of our stuff in the old place.
When I got home, I could hear her barking,so I let her back in the house. I found a lovely typed note pinned to my gate. " YOu left your dog in the garden for hours. Do you think we want to listen to your dog barking for hours on end. No, it is beyond annoying! Next time leave the door open so your dog can come and go, or just leave him in the hourse -your neighbours!"

Come on! It was for about 3/4 hours on a Saturday afternoon. I know from one of my neighbours that the barking was not that bad at all ( unless she is lying to me, trying to make me feel a little better) Im sure she wasn't barking the WHOLE time.... AIBU to want to write a snotty note back and stick it on my neighbours doors ( 4 of us share a compound - so I am not even sure who wrote this flipping note ) Gone are my visions of neighbourly bbqs .....

OP posts:

DinahMoHum · 10/04/2012 10:35

its not normal piazilla, its an issue your dog has and she needs specific help/training to get past it. There are things you can try at home, or speak to a dog behaviourist.
This behaviour wont go away, its not because shes a puppy. Most puppies dont do that x

StrandedLindtBunny · 10/04/2012 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis · 10/04/2012 10:43

Have you listened to a dog barking for 4 hours? It is fucking annoying & I don't think you have made a great first impression with your neighbours.

Original poster

piazilla · 10/04/2012 10:46

I think it is a matter of training Dinahohum. But I do know that it is fairly common in pups- just from speaking to other dog owners. It won't change over night - and unfortunately training is going to involve her being on her own for short periods.

Don't worry StrandedLindtbunny- 5 weeks ago it wasn't baking hot! :)

OP posts:

MickyDodger · 10/04/2012 10:47

Anonymous notes are annoying. But not half as annoying as other peoples yapping mutts.

Kladdkaka · 10/04/2012 10:47

Piazilla it seems to me that you are refusing to accept that you were in the wrong here. But you were in the wrong. I have dogs, one of which is a bugger for barking. No anxiety issues, he's just a sod. I wouldn't dream of leaving him in the garden to enjoy his woofathon. The minute he starts, he's in.

You say that the problem is that they left a note instead of talking to you. But they came round and you weren't there. From what you've said it wouldn't have mattered anyone. Talking directly to you would have only resulted in you justifying something which was unacceptable, not doing anything about it.

callmemrs · 10/04/2012 10:49

I think YABU. It is your choice to have a pet which is so high maintenance that you can't even pop to the shops without her becoming distressed. A barking, unhappy dog is not pleasant for anyone to listen to. I suspect your neighbours were worried that this might be a regular occurrence. As for your point about them not signing the note- I assume it was from all the neighbours in your 'compound' . I think you'd be very ill advised to write a note back, because frankly, you are in the wrong here.

And if you have some notion that your neighbours will have to put up with you training your dog to be used to being left on its own then I would think carefully about how you plan to do this. It sounds rather like you're intending to leave your dog barking again and expecting them to just put up with it...

ragged · 10/04/2012 10:55

If you don't like the note-writing aspect of it then don't do it to them.(!?) Go around & talk to their face(s).

By the way, neighbour-dog also barked like crazy, he was a rescue & very insecure. Neighbours solved it by putting him in a cage in the house when they go out; he feels secure in there & doesn't bark. I would apologise to neighbours & explain that you're trying various things to help sort her out. BE the better person.

Original poster

piazilla · 10/04/2012 11:15

I think it may be a bit late to apologise - at the time I wanted to apologise to the right people rather than announcing myself as " the one with the noisy dog" therefore branding myself - even with neighbours who may not have been home at the time.I know it wasn't from all of the neighbours collectively as I know of at least one family who had no problem with it. so I left it and did my best to make sure it didn't happen again. It is interesting to me that this has evoked quite a strong reaction from posters though!

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sherbetpips · 10/04/2012 11:19

sorry got to say it would have driven me mad and as your neighbour I would have been panicking that this was about to become a daily occurance.

It clearly is not so I am sure they are no longer worried and you can get along fine now. They are only neighbours at the end of the day, you dont have to be pals but a wave hello in the morning never goes amiss.

CurrySpice · 10/04/2012 11:24

TBH if I had a new neighbour and before they had even moved in, I was subjected to hours of barking, I'd be pretty uptight too - afraid that this was the shape of things to come

callmemrs · 10/04/2012 11:25

Well from what you describe as a 'shared compound' I would be very surprised if the note wasnt from more than one neighbour. Clearly you have spoken to some of the neighbours at least, as you seem to have established that one family didn't mind having to listen to your dog (or at least that's what they said to your face..!)

Rather than fixating on who/ how many people left the note, I think you need to accept that this is your problem. The 'default' position is to respect your neighbours rights to not have to put up with unreasonable noise. You choose to keep a pet which you know will become distressed and disturb others when left alone. You chose not to use a pet sitter on the day of your move. Therefore you created the disturbance. The note was simply responding to it. Whichever neighbours wrote it may well have not bothered adding their names as at that point you wouldnt know who was who anyway. I don't see it as some kind of cowardly anonymous way of complaining. They are your neighbours, they were pissed off at having to listen to your distressed puppy, and as you were not there to speak to, they left a note to make it clear this was unacceptable.

I think you need to suck it up and learn from experience that your decision to leave a puppy barking for 4 hours does not trump other people's right to a peaceful afternoon

iscream · 11/04/2012 07:40

By now they will be realizing it is not your usual thing to leave your dog alone. You do take him to a doggy daycare, which I think is great. I wish our old neighbours did that when they went to work. They let their dog out at 6 in the morning and then they went to work, the woman came home for lunch and let her back in then. He barked a lot every morning, but even worse, she was outside one morning all morning when it was -20. I would have gone and brought her in but she hated everyone and she "guarded" their backyard and probably would have bit me.

curiositykitten · 11/04/2012 08:09

You work full time, you can't take the dog out with you when you're not working and the dog is incredibly stressed and uncomfortable when alone?
What a horribly selfish thing to get the poor dog in the first place.

TroublesomeEx · 11/04/2012 08:54

curiousity you've said pretty much what I was about to put.

Except that you forgot to add that piazilla lives in a place where taking the dog out is culturally unacceptable too! What exactly is the point?!

ErikNorseman · 11/04/2012 10:29

YABU
it is also very odd to get a pet dog in a ME country where you know there is low tolerance for them. Of course your neighbour was pissed off - the barking was annoying and there is no cultural tolerance of barking dogs like there is here. I think you need to get over it pronto TBH.

Pendeen · 11/04/2012 12:29

Never really understood why people want to have a dog (as a pet) anyway and would be especially irritated at someone who leaves one barking outside for hours so no sympathy at all here.

YABU.

piratecat · 11/04/2012 12:39

well presumably you must have spoken to one of them in the last 5 weeks, andif your dog hasn't barked since then thats the end of that.

I would move on, carry on what you are doing, get the crate, and work with the dog. You knew what it would be like to have a dog within the culture you live in, so you have to go with it.

hope you and the dog get to know each other and enjoy being together.

pictish · 11/04/2012 13:03

I would've popped a note back through apologising, and explaining that it was a one off owing to moving house.
It's the most logical response surely?

Original poster

piazilla · 11/04/2012 18:32

curiositykitten and FolkGirl - actually in one of my earlier posts I mentioned that the dog was a present from DH.We had always talked about getting one, and I resisted for the very reasons you are calling me on . But here we are, and I wouldn't not have her now that she is here. We found a way to make it work with the pet sitters. Actually , our neighbours are not from the country I live in . They are also expats - so there is no cultural issue on my immediate doorstep. There are plenty of dogs here, owned by locals and expats alike, but in general, the culture is not to treat them as pets, but rather as guard dogs.It's difficult to explain it.
If you knew the amount of time, money, and worry both my husband and I have put into this dog - then "horribly selfish" would probably not be the correct choice of words.

Yes, she barks when she is alone. Which is why she has only been left alone ONCE.It hasn't been done since. It is something I am desparately trying to find a solution for.I posted here because, imo, writing an anonymous letter for a one off event was an overreaction. What has amazed me is that it seems to have turned into a "how dare she even consider having a dog" thread for some posters. That was quite unexpected!

To those who have given honest opinions and offered suggestions - thank you ! :)

OP posts:

microserf · 11/04/2012 20:32

if i was your new neighbour, i'd be pretty worried and knocking on your door on the day to ask if this was going to be a regular problem. i can definitely see why your neighbours were annoyed, and i'm really surprised you think you are in the right here. i'd let bygones be bygones and show them you are a responsible owner from now on. don't let it colour your relationship with them from now on, especially since so much time has passed.

i don't have any experience of owning a dog, so i won't comment on the other aspects that have concerned posters.

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