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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to now not want anything to do with my new neighbours

71 replies

piazilla · 10/04/2012 03:39

I moved into my new house recently. I have a 7 month old puppy who barks and cries when I leave the room,let alone go out. Being the conscienctious neighbour that I am,I bring her to a pet sitters every day when I work. However, on moving day, I didn't have time, and I put her in our back yard for about 4 hours while I packed up the remainder of our stuff in the old place.
When I got home, I could hear her barking,so I let her back in the house. I found a lovely typed note pinned to my gate. " YOu left your dog in the garden for hours. Do you think we want to listen to your dog barking for hours on end. No, it is beyond annoying! Next time leave the door open so your dog can come and go, or just leave him in the hourse -your neighbours!"

Come on! It was for about 3/4 hours on a Saturday afternoon. I know from one of my neighbours that the barking was not that bad at all ( unless she is lying to me, trying to make me feel a little better) Im sure she wasn't barking the WHOLE time.... AIBU to want to write a snotty note back and stick it on my neighbours doors ( 4 of us share a compound - so I am not even sure who wrote this flipping note ) Gone are my visions of neighbourly bbqs .....

OP posts:
Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 07:37

Yes 5 weeks ago - I didn't send the note because it was written in such a ticked off state of mind. But because I have just discovered mumsnet, and I have been tiptoing around my own house because I know I have neighbours who are sensitive, I wanted to get a second ( or 3rd or 4th) opinion on this situation. I think the time to send the note has long gone now.
I'll look into puppy training classes - she is pretty good in terms of obedience- but it can only be a good thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 07:39

Lol NevilleBarnes: I have taken her for walks . I haven't gone out without her! And as for it not being culturally acceptable to lug a dog around with me, I live in a middle eastern muslim country. If you have a dog , please keep it home, we would prefer not to see it , and certainly not in parks etc.

OP posts:
theodorakis · 10/04/2012 07:42

Hey Piazilla, I am also in ME! It's hot today isn't it?

mumblechum1 · 10/04/2012 07:42

I'm afraid I feel for the neighbours, as one of our neighbours has rescued dogs who all seem pretty neurotic, ie they bark and whine everytime they're in the garden which sometimes was all day until I got the dog warden round (after complaining to her unsuccessfully).

Your neighbours may feel that they can not use their garden with the incredibly annoying sound of yapping, they may still be disturbed when they're inside and the dog is outside.

You need to take your dog to a trainer to have it trained not to bark incessantly. There are special collars which you can buy to discourage them from barking.

mumblechum1 · 10/04/2012 07:43

Why on earth did you get a dog in a country where you can't take it out for walks?

DinahMoHum · 10/04/2012 07:44

hes not barking because hes a puppy. Hes barking because hes insecure and you havent done anything about it. You need to see someone about your dogs barking. Thats not normal. A 7 month old puppy shouldnt be barking every time you leave the room or go out and YWBVU to leave him like that for 4 hours.

Im also not sure why youd get a puppy if you work full time

theodorakis · 10/04/2012 07:46

Piazilla, actually bark collars are not such a bad idea. I use the citronella spray on new fosters sometimes and they usually only take a couple of days before they are conditioned. Living in the Middle East means we have to resort to more drastic measures because the Police do not have any sympathy for complaints about dogs. If you are in Dubai, Qatar Abu Dahbi etc, I would get in touch with the animal shelter, lots of people get together for beach walks to socialise their dogs together and it's also a great way to meet people.

Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 07:47

theodorakis - Are you? I know - its baking out! :)

mumblechum- I got one of those collars that vibrate a little. She loved it the little minx! Think a trainer may the route for her- that and a crate. My DH wants another dog because he thinks that will stop her from being bored/lonely. I am NOT willing to take the risk of having two dogs barking and being forevermore housebound/paying a fortune in kennel fees!

OP posts:
iscream · 10/04/2012 07:52

I am glad you didn't send it. Yes, mumsnet is a good place to exercise your thoughts and hear other peoples opinions.

For some reason our dog didn't bark much unless somebody came to our door or another dog came along near the yard. He would just lay by the door looking mournful. He preferred to be wherever we were!

Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 07:52

I haven't seen the citronella spray collars theodorakis- I will keep an eye out for them. She is in heat right now ( the day before she was due to be spayed) so keeping her away from other dogs - but the pet minder fosters about 5 dogs - she is great pals with them all. I like the idea of beach walks though ! :) didn't think that was permitted!

OP posts:
theodorakis · 10/04/2012 07:52

You could get a kitten or an older cat from the shelter who is an old hand with dogs. The dog/cat relationship can be just as good and usually a little calmer.

theodorakis · 10/04/2012 07:54

I get mine on Amazon but have to get people to bring the cannisters out, they are not postable. Luckily I work in a school so every 6 weeks someone is going back to the Uk and can bring a refill back if I need it.

ohbugrit · 10/04/2012 08:03

Citronella collars are dreadful - they are supposed to punish the dog for barking but the scent they release hangs round for hours so the punishment isn't associated with the barking at all. Any aversive will make an anxious dog much worse. And incidentally separation anxiety is not a 'mask for dominance', that's bunkum.

Post in the doghouse, minimu gives great advice :)

Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 08:04

Dinahohum - I work full time, yes, but she is dropped off in a pet sitters first thing in the morning. Are responsible dog owners not supposed to work? She goes to a pet sitters house who is fantastic with her - she is now used to other dogs and other people - it is like a home from home !It still doesn't take into account that during the weekend - or days off that I may need to leave the house. I think barking is normal - to a certain extent. She needs to be trained not to do this exessively - I get that.She barks when only we leave the house- she silently follows us around the house and likes to be in the same room if we are home. Believe me when I tell you we have had months of her barking when she was in the next room - which she has now stopped. thats progress! For the record- this was a one off occasion- I don't think she has been alone for more than 20 minutes since then.

OP posts:
theodorakis · 10/04/2012 08:07

Like I said, living in the Middle east means we have to do things differently. Citronella collars are not cruel and may stop the Police coming round and shooting your dog. I do get very tired with the "cruel" brigade, we are responsible and kind owners and know what we are doing.

theodorakis · 10/04/2012 08:08

I will leave now, before I get into a fight. Good luck piazilla.

Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 08:10

Thank you theodorakis- appreciate your advice :)

OP posts:
ohbugrit · 10/04/2012 09:34

I was really just pointing out that they're ineffective because their basic premise is flawed

everlong · 10/04/2012 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

porcamiseria · 10/04/2012 09:48

leave a charming note apologsing, and explain you leave her with a dog sitter

what iscream suggested

FWIW our neighbours started out horrible due to broken fence, and are now lovely

you catch more flies with honey than vinegar

MickyDodger · 10/04/2012 09:55

You pissed off your new neighbours, and are annoyed that they had the cheek to say so? Probably more likely they won't want anything to do with you, so you won't need to worry about it.

DinahMoHum · 10/04/2012 10:03

I DEFINITELY dont think its responsible to get a puppy if everyone in the house works full time, and if that means less people get a dog, then thats fine. I dont think its fair on the puppy. They need a lot of work putting in. Its like having a baby. Your dog is probably confused as to who its pack is and where it actually lives and who is its leader. Its blatantly very insecure. You are not doing it any favours.

Floggingmolly · 10/04/2012 10:05

You are not that person who leaves a barking dog for hours
But you did Confused. How would the neighbours know this wasn't going to be a regular occurance? Even a one off was taking the piss, tbh. You owe them them an apology, keep the snottiness to yourself.

Original poster
piazilla · 10/04/2012 10:28

I suppose it boils down to the fact that I don't like the note writing aspect of it. If you are not happy with something, please come and see me , and I will explain it to you and apologise. If you are still not happy with the situation -then there is a real problem. I am not annoyed that they had the "cheek" to say something. I am irritated at the rude tone of the letter, and the fact that it was done anonymously.
The one off time was unavoidable- never happened again - and in the event that there is some emergency and I, god forbid, have to leave the house again without first arranging a pet sitter - then I would prefer to have face to face contact with the neighbours. I am irritated by my neighbours cats shitting in my driveway and yowling in the small hours of the morning. I am equally irritated by the rooster across the road who crows from 5am onwards.But it has only happened a handfull of times - and if it bothered me THAT much - I would wait it out to see if it was a regular occurance and then go to see them to politely ask if there was any way this could be resolved.
Barking outside for a puppy is imo quite normal at their young age. She is well taken care of and was a gift from my well meaning DH.He perhaps didn't think through the logistics of our work schedules, but regardless as to whether I work or not - we still like to go out for dinner occasionally. So I could stay home all day long, not work , and STILL have an issue with a barking pup if i went out for a meal or to see a friend in the evening. I am off for two weeks now- and this will still be an issue- so working full time is not the root cause here.

OP posts:
Originalplurker · 10/04/2012 10:34

YABVVU

That would do my head in, I lime relax on sofa on sat pm's.

It wasn't a good first impression to give. In the interest of getting back on a level footing I'd smooth things over with an explanation and an apology for noise, after all you admit you would not normally do this. It was a long time to leave a puppy.