to expect in-laws to have both dc...

[driedapricots]

In-laws are what I'd describe as fair weather, flashy grandparents, e.g they live 40 mins away but only see our dc every 2-3 months usually when we instigate it. Theres lots of 'gushing' & presents involved... Now they've asked to just have the eldest (4) for a couple of nights, so they can spend 'quality time' with them..which I guess is an advancement but I can't help but think they should have both children else it'll appear like favouritism & leaves us explaining...& also not particularly benefitting from a break!

YABU.
Mine were really keen to go without siblings. I remember as a DC how wonderful it was, as the eldest, to see grandparents without always having my brothers with me. It gives you chance to really bond (and be spoilt).
I think that you are merely seeing it as childcare and not thinking of the benefits for the grandparents and DCs.
My DS 2 was desperate to be like his older brother and stay with granny on his own.

When i was 4/5yr old I found staying with my GPs that i hardly knew (because they only came round for a few hours once every couple of months or so) really scary and uncomfortable. It would perhaps be a good idea fpr them to spend more time around/with your dc before they take them overnight? Then they could ask your dc themselves if he/she wants to stay with them.

As for your original question, i initially thought 'how could they!' but after reading posts about actually looking after someone elses under 3ish yr old might be difficult, i (just as you have) now agree that perhaps its not a great idea to impose they take both just yet.

op, you said ".imo I think parents who want to spend every minute with their kids are rather odd.."

that's a stupid thing to say as some of us have no family to help out and give us a break from the kids, so have no choice

maybe granny has read MN and knows she isnt allowed to be a granny except on DILs terms

if she invites herself to see kids, thats wrong
if she waits for an invite to see kids, thats wrong
if she wants to spend time alone with them, thats wrong
if she waits for mother to allow her to spend time with grandkids, thats wrong

:(

still, as long as she is a free babysitter, who cares eh

YABU

no one can cope with my 2 at the same time (except me), so YABU

joanna - that's so true.

I'm already a Granny through my DD but I sometimes wonder, if my DS has children in the future, whether I might be the subject of a thread on MN!

I often wonder about that phrase "A son is a son till he get's him a wife but a daughter's a daughter for all of her life" (or words to that effect!!).

I suspect that phrase has a lot of truth in it judging by what I read on here sometimes.

OP - maybe your PIL are picking up on your disapproval/feelings about them.

oops and DH of course.

And no they arent wild, its the wheres mummy/daddy thats hard with 2, they egg each other on.

OMG - those apostrophes are wrong!!

yabu, my grandma used to have me on my own a lot as a child and i really loved it. it gave me time out from my bully of my older bro and my autistic, really lovely but hard work, younger brother.

I think that you have summed up the whole of MN Joanna2012.
If any Granny reads it she would go into deep depression. Many women won't let PIL have a DC overnight even at 4 yrs-(judging by MN) -she has probably read it and is now getting it in the neck for not offering!

salmotrutta, don't say that, I have 2 boys and don't want to be abandoned as soon as they get married

...which is exactly what happens going by my families experiences

ssd - I think it's 'cos DIL sometimes seem to favour their own side of the family when it comes to vsits etc.

That was something I tried very hard not to do myself, even though my MIL can be very difficult. I kept visits scrupulously fair between my parents and PIL but I don't think some DIL do that.

It very much depends on the DIL though doesn't it? And the strength of bond between the parents and sons?

Hopefully our sons will end up with kind and lovely DILs!

yes, i think it is the underlying tension there thats the real problem for me - this particular set of grandparents simply haven't been the same as the others...my dh's parents are divorced you see, so i'm talking about his father & step mother...his mother & step dad are wonderful and we have a very good relationship. because they genuinely care and put the grandchildren first. they live a lot further away but see the children a lot more & call and ask about them all the time. as with all things, it's not black & white and there's a lot of history etc, so thank you all for your comments..that's what's great about MN it helps you see both sides of something. yes i see i am being unreasonable about the other set offering to have 1 child at a time so i shall graciously accept!

you'll be glad you did in the long run op , and you might get a bit of a break when the baby goes to sleep

salmot, I wasn't so worried about this before I joined MN, like you I was always considerate and fair about sharing the kids, but after reading so many posts here from DIL's who clearly aren't interested in anyone but themselves it now worries me more (not you at all op!!, just answering salmot above)

YABU they are older and that's what they have decided they can handle one at a time, it will be other ones turn soon enough.

Be grateful they want to be involved a bit more.