AIBU to expect parents to be able to control their kids in the street, and to expect the police to do something about another child assaulting my dd

[Sleepflower777]

Name changed for this!

We're having ongoing trouble with a family in our street. I know kids fight and fall out, but this goes beyond that I think.

All the kids in our street play on the communal grassy area at the end of the cul-de-sac (across from my house so I can see what goes on from my living room window). There are fallings outs and sometimes fights, but it's usually dealt with reasonably. However, a few years ago another family moved in further up the hill and their child has been constantly bullying mine.

They are the same ages (8/9) and it started out with this other girl calling my dd names etc, which although she was upset with, we told her not to worry, ignore it etc etc. This then progressed to hitting, throwing stones, on one occassion she threw bricks at my children's heads (also have ds 5), it is a constant onslaught. In the first instance I went to this child's parents, but got verbal abuse. Every time my kids are out, down this other child comes and starts hitting, spitting, throwing stones etc. I don't let my kids play up her end of the street to try and avoid her, but she comes down this end, even as far as sitting on my front wall swearing & spitting at my dd, and when I go out to tell her to go away she tells me the police have told her she can go anywhere she wants!

I even resorted to keeping my kids in, going out to the park etc to avoid the confrontations, but then my kids feel like they are being punished when they haven't done anything wrong, plus it then means they don't get to play with the other kids in the street. Our own garden is tiny so they can't even play properly in there, or that would be an option.

I've even caught this other child climbing over the fence into our garden and ripping plants out etc.

We have phoned the police regarding the more serious instances, but each time they tell us there's not really much they can do - they say as the street is a public area they cannot tell this child she can't come down to the front of my house.

I have had abuse from the parents as well. One instance the mother came to my door shouting and threatened to "sort me out". Another incident last year I witnessed both the parents chasing a 5yr old boy down the street and the woman slapped this child across the face. They then came banging on my door threatening me. The police did try to charge them over this but it came to nothing.

Today this child crept up on my dd and whacked her with a stick, then when my dd turned round she punched her in the face. The police are coming to see me tomorrow, but I expect it will be the usual "can't do anything".

They are housing association tenants, but even the HA is bloody useless. AIBU in thinking that we shouldn't have to put up with this? We only want to be left in peace and for our kids to play outside without being assaulted! This child is out of control - it's obvious her parents can't control her, so shouldn't the police be doing something?!

Am I over-reacting? What would you do??

Echo what LeQ says - I too thought of the woman and her disabled DD whilst reading through this thread. No one should suffer like this and your local paper will love it.

Are you an HA tennant also?

OK, I sent a letter to the housing officer today, copying in her boss, listing all incidents, and stating that we wished for nothing but to be left alone, dismayed at the HA's lack of action, know they have had other complaints about these neighbours, one incident resulting in them both being given a written warning, police & HA repeatedly "have a word" with these neighbours but they still persist with their behaviour, so what are they going to do about it? etc etc etc

I also got a reply to the e-mail I sent earlier stating that "I did advise that as there was a different version of events from your neighbour that the HA would recommend that both parties attend a mediation session to discuss and attempt to resolve issues in a neutral environment. I note that you have declined to take part in mediation and as the recent allegations have not been corroborated by the police there is no further action that can be taken at this stage."

Now, she still hasn't told me what these allegations are against me as I requested, and she hasn't taken into account why I said I was refusing mediation - it seems as if because I refused she is washing her hands of it! And why the fuck have the police not corroborated what has been going on?! One of the officers who had come out to see me a few weeks ago said the list of incident nos was my evidence, and that the weight of that alone, all the times I'd had to phone them out, was enough evidence for the HA to act!

Now, either the HA aren't investigating properly, or the police are taking the piss, telling me one thing but the HA another! Not sure where to go from here!

I agree, video evidence. You need to use either a phone or preferably a camera permanently pointing at the play area outside the house.

Cannot film - was explicitly told by a police officer this was a no no!

UPDATE! (sorry, will prob be long but please bear with me!)

OK, the housing manager came out to see us, apologised that no-one had looked into it, took all details and said she would go and speak to the neighbours, get police reports etc, and she'd get back to us in a few weeks.

Also had a visit from the community police officer who advised us to keep phoning about every incident, keep notes, diary etc etc. He mentioned that children can get a warning about their behaviour, and after 3 warnings it was an automatic referral to the childrens' reporter (childrens' panel).

Incidents continued - child threw stones at my dd hitting her on the head; sat in my front garden swearing at my children and threaatening to get her dog to bite them; when I told her to go away she gave me abuse saying she could go wherever she liked; shoved my dd off her bike; the mother shouted & swore at my kids in the street calling them "fucking dicks!"; etc etc

The housing manager came back out to see us and said she'd been to see this woman but she didn't agree that these events had happened, however, she agreed to stay away from my house and would keep her child away (as if she was doing me a big favour!). I told the housing manager of all the incidents that had happened since her last visit, gave her police incident no.s etc, said she hadn't been staying away from my house. The manager was very angry and said if it's the case that these incidents have happened since she visited them, then there would be trouble, as she'd issued them with a warning, and next step would be to start eviction proceedings! However, I realise this will be very difficult and take a long time as they have to apply to the courts and satisfy the court there is enough evidence for this.

She said she would go away and check the dates and go back to see the neighbours.

There was another incident a few nights ago - the girl karate kicked my dd in the neck, knocking her to the ground, and then repeatedly punched her on the neck and back of head! I phoned the police to report it and to get someone out ASAP as I was fuming, this was 3rd assault this year on my dd by this girl! They said they probably wouldn't get anyone out that night, and phoned me later to say no-one available till tomorrow. However, shortly after that the police did indeed turn up. My kids were upstairs but not asleep as they were stressed out with the whole thing, and came running downstairs. However, the police weren't there in response to my call, but a call from a friend of the neighbour from hell, who claimed my ds had attacked her dd!

Apparently after my dd was attacked and I brought her in to phone police, my 6yr old ds had chased the girl and her friend and grabbed the friend! The police asked my ds if this was true and he said yes. Now, in retrospect, I shouldn't have let them question my son, it was unfair, it was late, he was tired, I thought they were there about my complaint. Yes, my ds shouldn't have done it, but I can't say I really blame him! They didn't ask me if they could question him, they just asked him the question and he answered.

I was angry with the fact that the police, knowing the history and all the complaints I've made, told me no-one was available, but this other woman can make one complaint and someone is straight round! Same as the incident a few months ago where no-one was available to answer my call about a man threatening women's aid house, but they could answer his call about my kids! I'm starting to think I am on a police blacklist and they do not take me seriously!!

I tried to explain my complaint, but they had no idea of the history. They then started to frighten me with saying that they'd need to put in a report about my ds, it would be up to the procurator fiscal whether he'd be charged or not (even though the age of criminal responsibility is 8, and when I questioned this, they told me another 6yr old boy had been charged in our street recently!), social work may need to be involved etc etc!! WTF?!

Eventually we got round to my complaint about my dd being assaulted yet again. Apparently it was now too late to go and see her (but not too late to come and see me!), and they would be on night-shift the next few days, so wouldn't be able to go and see this girl & her parents till Monday afternoon (5 days later!). So, we shall have to wait and see. I have e-mailed the HA with all the details, but the housing manager is on holiday for a few weeks.

In the meantime, I have told my children that every time this girl is out they have just to come in, so of course today they have been out, and every time they are out this girl comes down the street to our house!

I feel I am being given the runaround by the police! Does anyone know what, if anything, they could or should be doing? I understand she's only a child and the product of her parents & their behaviour, but can't the police issue the parents with some kind of parenting order, or ASBO or something, for failing to control their child? She can't surely be allowed to roam about assaulting my dd all the time and nothing is ever done about it?! Or AI-truly-BU?! Starting to think I am given the police's attitude to all this. I realise there are far worse things happening about town, and it may seem trivial to them, but surely my dd has a right not to be assaulted?

Thanks for persevering if you got this far lol!

I know the police said no filming the kids, but at this point I would do it anyway, and keep it safe.
I'm amazed you are going thorough this for so long. Stay strong and stay safe.

I would teach your daughter to fight back against this little bitch. Pull some of her hair out, kick her in the fanny, whatever. It's clearly the only language these scummers understand.

Ok, police came out yesterday. Said the chief constable had looked at it and didn't want the girl charged, but something about going down the childrens' panel route (which was what I thought happened with kids anyway?).

Then he said that we all had to come to the police station for a meeting with their "pro social behaviour officer" (separately), as he would like to get to the bottom of all this, and ask our children about what has been happening. We agreed, but thinking about it later we have some concerns.

Why do our children, who are victims, have to go to the police station to be questioned? Dp phoned this man today to clarify what the situation was.

Apparently this man seems to think this is just an issue about kids fighting, and wanted to know why our kids were being picked on? Dp explained about the threatening behaviour of the adults, the serious nature of the assaults on my children, how it was not just an issue of kids fighting. He also explained it wasn't just our kids who were picked on, but we were the only people to complain about this family.

The man then said he wanted us down to try and find out exactly what has been happening, but shouldn't he have all that info already, from the police reports? He then said that what my 6yr old ds did was "serious", and needed dealt with! So, they are turning this around to it all being my childrens' fault, and it's not that serious at all, apart from what my son did!

Dp offered for this man to come out to our house to discuss it, but he said the police station was a "neutral venue"! He then said if we didn't attend then he couldn't do anything to help us.

This is such a cop out by the police. We are taking legal advice, and will prob attend this meeting but without our children.

Surely you're allowed to film your own Dc playing If child from hell decides to turn up and assault your dc while you're filming then surely that's child from hells problem