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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have answered with a hmmmmm - and not corrected my friend?

63 replies

heliumballoons · 07/04/2012 19:55

OK, I'm sure in the grand scheme of things this isn't a biggy, but will affect if I say something before next week or not.

DS just started back at local centre swimlessons as finding the club he ' ^really^ ' wanted to join too serious! Friends DC's moved back too.

We put DS and her DC1 into the same group, it was the one DS had just moved into when he left. We decided this was best because they could assess them. I am one for trusting those in the know!

First DS was moved up. This meant DS changing times as they don't do next group up at this time. Friend was not happy and not very subtle with it. ( her DC1 a group ahead of DS in club)

So last lesson DS moved up again. This next group up lessons are at same time as friends children swim/ DS was booked in for in the first place.

Friend rings earlier, just general chit chat and she asks how DS lesson went. Fine I say, then say 'oh, he's going to be swimming at 4.30 again now so we can have a coffee and chat when DC's swim'

her reply 'how does he feel about that?, I was surprised they moved him up and not DC1, I just thought they'd not been watching her properly but I guess they just mis assessed him - not very fair to move him up and then down again though, aren't you annoyed' Shock

I replied 'hmmmmmmmmm' and changed the subject.

AIBU just to turn up Wednesday or should I tell her first?

(am not sure why but I feel like I've lied somehow - when in fact I just am not interested in entering in some kind of competition)

OP posts:
Original poster
heliumballoons · 07/04/2012 19:57

first lesson DS moved up. Blush

OP posts:
Aribura · 07/04/2012 20:02

Struggled to understand post but I think I get it. The summary: my son's swimming lesson is now on at the same time as my friend's DC lesson, she thinks he's in the same low group when he's actually in a group 2 stages up which is on at the same time.

IMO just turn up and chat and it might not be brought up which is fine. If it is just say he got moved up and we'll see how he gets on. It'll only be a competition if she turns it into one.

IAmBooyhoo · 07/04/2012 20:02

i'm not sure i follow

your ds and friend's ds started in teh same group. then your ds was moved up a group and went at different times now he has been moved back down again ?

what do you mean should you just turn up wednesday and not tell her? i thought you did on teh phone?

welliesandpyjamas · 07/04/2012 20:08

Leave it. By bringing it up out of context, it will look like you want her to know. Best to let her find out 'naturally'.

HeidiHole · 07/04/2012 20:13

no booyhoo he was in the same class, moved up a class and now has moved up ANOTHER class (so now 2 classes ahead) but the new class (2 ahead) is at the same time as the initial one, 2 below.

OP I would tell her if she brings it up at coffee but not go out of my way to phone her this week and say. She'll notice soon enough anyway!

Original poster
heliumballoons · 07/04/2012 20:17

yes, he got moved up at first lesson, teacher just said he's able enough to move up. He did and at next lesson that teacher said he could manage the group easily and was moving him up to next stage for a challenge. Believe me he's nothing special just too very confident in water.

When telling friend he would be swimming at same time again - so looking forward to coffee with her - before I could say he had been moved up she assumed he'd been moved down again because she didn't see why my DS was moved up and her DC1 wasn't. TBH I didn't know how to say it because she'd already made it clear she was pissed off DS had been moved and her DC1 hadn't.

All I want to do is pay, turn up, have a coffee and give my DS a hug for trying hard. The groups/ stages mean F all to me anyway!!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/04/2012 20:18

God who really cares?

She made an assumption (which was fair enough I think) that because he was back at the same time, he was back in the same group.

For some reason (only known to yourself) you didn't correct her.

As long as the kids get to swim and you two have your coffee, I can't see the problem?

fionabruise · 07/04/2012 20:22

Man this sort of stuff makes me want to home shoal mine. Silly woman (your mate).

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 07/04/2012 20:24

Worra - really, what is your problem? You have done nothing but grump on every single thread for ages!! Do you need a hug or a kick up the pants?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 07/04/2012 20:25

Op - I'd just ignore it for now, if it comes up just apologise for misunderstanding her on the phone :)

Good on DS for doing so well & enjoying himself - don't let her spoil it for him.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 07/04/2012 20:25

I bet she'll be tripping over herself to 'have a word' with 'them in charge' Grin

Original poster
heliumballoons · 07/04/2012 20:28

I know why I didn't correct her worra. It was because I couldn't think of a suitable polite reply to ^'how does he feel about that?, I was surprised they moved him up and not DC1, I just thought they'd not been watching her properly but I guess they just mis assessed him - not very fair to move him up and then down again though, aren't you annoyed'^

She made a huge assumption and became competitive - I am not interested in getting involved.

I should have said 'DS has been moved up again and will be swimming at 4.30 again' then said about the coffee but knowing how pissed off she was about him going up once I really didn't want to make her more so.

I do see why she made the assumption, and how that is my fault, but what I need to know is how to make this better, to avoid awkwardness.

I just want a coffee and chat, and let the teachers worry about the swimming. That's what I pay a fortune for.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/04/2012 20:28

Chipping I suggest you learn to read properly if you think I've "done nothing but grump on every single thread for ages".

You're probably referring to the one thread earlier where I thought the OP's DH was rude, no?

And I still can't see the problem here with the OP's child being in a swimming group that's suited to him....or should I have sugar coated that in smiles and giggles for you? Wink

ragged · 07/04/2012 20:30

Awkward! She's frustrated her DS is progressing slowly, wouldn't you feel a tiny bit the same? You did right, Best to bite tongue.

ragged · 07/04/2012 20:31
WorraLiberty · 07/04/2012 20:31

She does sound competitive OP, but she also sounds a little bit miffed that your son is getting on better/quicker than hers.

Therefore, I wouldn't mention it before coffee as that might sound as though you're making a thing of it....or she might take it that way.

She was the one who made the assumption, so just go for your coffee and she'll probably have a light bulb moment in the end.

scurryfunge · 07/04/2012 20:32

Have a glass of wine Worra - you have been Mary, Mary quite contrary lately!

fionabruise · 07/04/2012 20:39

tell your mate to stop projecting her inferior swimming skills on her kid and to sign up for some oldie improver lessons

Original poster
heliumballoons · 07/04/2012 20:42

They are children, if they are doing their best then they should be praised. I feel a little sad for this girl - her mum should be proud of what she's doing, not be comparing her to others.

No worra and ragged I wouldn't be miffed. I am only ever miffed with DS if progress is due to lack of effort. If that was in lessons he would be having them cancelled!!

OP posts:
Ephiny · 07/04/2012 20:42

Not sure I get it, why would she care what group your DS is in? I definitely wouldn't phone to tell her, that would be quite an odd thing to do! It does sound like you're making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be - first by avoiding the subject in the conversation you had, and now wanting to make it a dramatic 'reveal'.

Are you sure she's really so competitive and bothered about your DS, is it more that she's worried/annoyed her DD isn't progressing or getting enough attention, and looking at your DS's situation just as additional 'evidence' that children are not being assessed properly in the group?

Maybe I've got it wrong, just can't believe a grown woman would be so petty and silly.

Bohica · 07/04/2012 20:43

Blimesy she is going to be truly pissed miffed when she realises your DS has now moved twice, poor swim teacher is in for an ear bashing!

I wouldn't mention it and if she does say something I would shrug it off

Remnds me of the time a mum at school overheard DD3 singing the alphabet and felt the need to tell me DD doesn't really know all of the alphabet she has just learnt the song - really like I give a shit.

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2012 20:44

No OP I said she is probably a little miffed

Not that it's your problem, but I think that's why she made the assumption she did?

Original poster
heliumballoons · 07/04/2012 20:44

I meant lack of progress cos he's pissing about, not lack of progress in general. If he was working hard and not making much progress he would get praised for effort and definately continuing the lessons!

OP posts:
PinkFondantFancy · 07/04/2012 20:49

I don't understand why she cares what group DS is in?? Bit odd/sad of she does. I wouldn't mention it.

PinkFondantFancy · 07/04/2012 20:49

if she does, not of she does, stupid phone...