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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to LOVE my DH husband for this retort?

127 replies

SpamMarie · 07/04/2012 18:26

While I was out this morning, my DH was out the back, hanging up the washing when a gentleman and lady come walking over, bible in hand, asking if they can leave some leaflets. The man jokingly says, 'I can see you're busy doing the women's work, but could I leave this leaflet with you?' 'No thanks,' says DH, 'if that's your attitude towards sexual equality, I'm not sure there's much you can teach me.' And off they trotted.

I love my fast-thinking, clothes-hanging DH.

The woman had the decency to look embarassed on behalf of the man. Seriously though, if you're going door to door trying to convince strangers to convert to your own particular brand of morality, AIBU to think you should do your best to not come off as a sexist, outdated fool?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/04/2012 00:22

Oh spare us ffs.....

edam · 08/04/2012 00:23

Yellowtip, were you there? No. So you have no way of knowing that it was a joke. You are just making a huge assumption because it suits you to decide that the OP's dh is in the wrong.

Sadly there are twerps in this world who believe housework is women's work, many of them in the sects that go door to door trying to recruit new members.

Yellowtip · 08/04/2012 00:24

No, the DH was rude in being hoity toity.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2012 00:24

edam Yellow might have been going on this from the OP herself....

"The man jokingly says"

Hebiegebies · 08/04/2012 00:26

My DH today has
Hung out the washing
Cooked supper
Driven me to the pub and back
Been to work
I don't feel blessed by that, I'm blessed by him for all he is.

He is a vicar and doesn't think anything is mans work or woman's work, we just do what we can to help each other

But we also don't believe in knocking on people's doors unannounced, we get plenty of chances to share our faith in our everyday lives answering the many and varied questions people want answers to

Yellowtip · 08/04/2012 00:28

Oh Echo no one has a chance of being sexist around me because I don't get stewed up about that stuff nor do I think the earth moves if a H hangs up the washing.

No, I wasn't there for the riveting exchange, but the bloke very clearly meant it as a joke. It's just obvious, isn't it?

EchoBitch · 08/04/2012 00:34

I think that for very many women that 'women's work' isn't much of a joke.

And that it's rude and sexist to describe it as such.

FarelylovesMiniEggsandKnuts · 08/04/2012 00:38

Andie20521 I still dont understand it though? Surely coming knocking on my door or stopping me on the street with leaflets and trying to get me to "be saved" and presuming I need THAT particular brand of whateer saving they are selling is just OTT pushy and unnecessary?
Absolutely answer and welcome people who COME TO YOU looking for salvation but why push it onto me in my happy unsaved life?

Yellowtip · 08/04/2012 00:39

I find it tedious too but I do it because it has to be done.

Yellowtip · 08/04/2012 00:42

I don't welcome interruptions by Jehova's Witnesses but I can't see why non JWs can't be tolerant and polite. I've found they move on very fast when they sense lack of interest.

EchoBitch · 08/04/2012 01:05

You can have the last word Yellowtip.

Coralanne · 08/04/2012 01:22

I think the DH's response was perfectly appropriate. (Although depends on the tone of voice he used).

I do have a problem with SpamMarie's thought processes in that she thinks she is blessed because DH does all the normal day to day chores around the home.

My DS lives in a self contained part of our home and he has spent the morning wahing his clothes, hanging them out, scrubbing the bathroom, vacuuming the floors and polishing.

This is b ecause he grew up in a household where everyone was expected to share the household duties.

Right from the start of my married life I made it clear that there was no law that said that "Mum" was responsible for every household chore.

piprabbit · 08/04/2012 01:34

Accept the leaflet, walk to recycling bin, put leaflet in bin. Job done. Bit like those tedious pizza delivery leaflets we get a lot of.

Lovecat · 08/04/2012 09:26

I actually took the 'blessed' bit as a pun tying in with the nature of the thread, but hey ho...

As a practising Catholic I am utterly unoffended by people describing knock-on-the door-let-me-tell you-about-our-lord-Jesus annoyances as God botherers/PITAs/whatever. I have a sense of humour and am strong enough in my faith not to feel personally slighted by people making jokes about it. In any case, didn't Our Lord say Turn The Other Cheek? Wink?

OP, I think your husband sounds great, not the least bit hoity-toity, rude or anything else some of the miseries on this thread have called him. If more men challenged casual sexism the world would be a better place.

Happy Easter [busmile]

Original poster
SpamMarie · 08/04/2012 15:32

OP here - this opened a can of worms didn't it?

On my attitude: when I said I felt blessed, I meant in general to have such a great DH. Of course I expect him to do his fair share (I grew up with three brothers and we were all expected to do the same housework, never was I singled out for being a girl), but my DH tends to do much more (without me asking) as he's just a tidy, busy kind of person. I think far too many people take others for granted (men and women). It's a sad state when one cannot express one's happiness at having such a great partner without it being interpreted as a flaw in one's own expectations of life.

On being rude - I don't think my husband was being rude. It was an inappropriate thing to say to a stranger when you're there to discuss morality. If anything, I think the visitor was rude.

On door-to-door religious types - if someone walks up to a person in their own property to engage with them on what could be a touchy subject (I would NEVER inflict my own religious views on a stranger without having been invited into a discussion), then they get what's coming to them in my opinion. I don't advocate rudeness for the sake of rudeness, but you might not hear what you want to hear. I know there's sometimes the option to not answer the door, but in this case the man came right up to my husband in the garden. Ordinarily, we wouldn't answer the door to such people, as we're more than happy with the state of our immortal souls, thanks.

This was more about the fact that not all men think casual sexism is acceptable than about religion.

OP posts:
Lueji · 09/04/2012 07:05

I think the jokingly was meant not to alienate the poor man who was doing the woman's job.
A lesser man might well have started complaining about doing such chores.

Tbh, I feel sorry for this man's wife. I bet she went away jealous of the OP.

I suspect the line is not so jokey back home.

BobblyGussets · 09/04/2012 08:00

jOKES are supposed to be funny.

This is hackneyed, boring and offensive. Try substituting the word "blacks" for "women's" and see how plalatable that is for you, those of you who think "it was just a joke".

OP, I like your husband. I feel sorry for the woman with that bloke. Even if he wasn't being serious, what a boring man to spend any time with.

molly3478 · 09/04/2012 08:05

Was it the jehovahs witnesses? My single friend answered down recently and one of tjem asked her if she was married she said no and he adked what were her views on premarital sex!! err none of your business mate

FallenCaryatid · 09/04/2012 08:08

'I do have a problem with SpamMarie's thought processes in that she thinks she is blessed because DH does all the normal day to day chores around the home.'

I have a problem with people who tell me 'Oh, you are lucky' when they find out I have an OH and a DS who share the housework. It's not luck you idiots, it is fairness in action. It doesn't just happen, it takes work and co-operation and equality.
Why aren't your family doing the same, and why do so many women on here put up with it and them complain endlessly to others about how unfair it is? FFS why tolerate the sexism of your menfolk? Stop being doormats and stand up for your rights

But I don't say that, because it would be rude. It might make other women unhappy or insecure or feel inadequate. Better for them to think I was lucky, it just happened by chance.
Like the OP, I often say 'Yes, I'm blessed'

ithaka · 09/04/2012 08:12

Good response from the OP's husband! 'Women's work' - honestly, what a dreadful comment, well deserving of being pulled up on.

ElephantsAreMadeOfElements · 09/04/2012 08:17

A sexist joke doesn't need to be 'laughed off' any more than a racist one. Responding civily but making it clear you don't find casual sexism funny and why is far more appropriate. It's not as if the OP's DH said "Smeg the frak off, you smegging pile of frakking sexist smeg" - he was polite while making it clear that he didn't find the 'joke' funny.

heliumballoons · 09/04/2012 08:21

I am Christian.

But if someone came up to me on/in my property without an invite and made a sexist 'joke' or comment then I would make a sharp retort far ruder similar to the OP's DH.

I do think she is blessed to have a DH who doesn't view housework as 'womens' work. Clearly, as the visiting man indicated, there are men that still do. (and women too I'm sure)

this is why living in a flat where you can unplug the intercom is a blessing!

Shakey1500 · 09/04/2012 08:29

I think it was a great response to a rude "introduction" be it a clumsy one or otherwise. I don't think the nature of the visitor/caller is relevant.

Longtalljosie · 09/04/2012 08:30

The religious caller made a sexist joke. The DH called him on it. And yet the DH is called rude? The world has gone entirely mad.