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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect you to take your shoes off in my home?

299 replies

BelleTheBeatnik · 06/04/2012 21:34

That sounds so much more confrontational when I use direct address! [bublush]

I'm not criticizing those who don't remove shoes in their own home, but do the British automatically do it at other people's houses?

Asking this question is a life-long supporter of slippers, by the way. [bugrin]

OP posts:
seoladair · 08/04/2012 13:08

Since my baby started to crawl, I've asked visitors to take their shoes off. Some people offer to do it anyway.
Like the OP, I love my slippers - fab sheepskin ones.

exoticfruits · 08/04/2012 13:29

The incidents of people walking into houses with 'accidental' shit (do they have it on purpose?Confused must be very rare. I have never had it happen. On the very rare occasion people take them off without even standing on the doorstep in them.

mummy23x · 08/04/2012 14:16

I wouldnt say it hits nerve... If im honest I found it hysterical how some of you are far too important to take off your shoes before entering someone elses home I'd take a wild guess that you were all an "only child" which is where the spoilt brat syndrome comes from, or your just plain down right pretentious [busmile]

Auntiestablishment · 08/04/2012 14:21

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maybenow · 08/04/2012 14:24

we bring bikes, buggies and scooter wheels into our hallway... a few outdoor shoes won't make any difference Grin

i guess we're all just skanky.

we have wooden floors which are mopped relatively regularly, but no shoes on our living room rugs and bedrooms which have almost wall-to-wall rugs.

LST · 08/04/2012 14:26

We've just had new carpets upstairs and we have wooden floors downstairs everyone I know bar 1 person takes there shows off at my door as I do with everyone else. I think it's just manners and cleaner IMO. Each to there own though eh!

LST · 08/04/2012 14:27

And that should defiantly read shoes not shows!! Angry

mummy23x · 08/04/2012 14:28

what does? This is about hygiene and respect for others wishes, I dont have time for rude people sorry!

acsec · 08/04/2012 14:28

I ALWAYS ask if the home owner wants me to take my shoes off. Their house, their rules.

LST · 08/04/2012 14:31

If a person doesn't want to visit because we don't wear shoes indoors I would prefer that person not to visit!

BBQJuly · 08/04/2012 14:31

Humans don't need to live in sterile bubbles. Otherwise the many people who wear shoes indoors wouldn't still be here!

LST · 08/04/2012 14:34

I don't want dirt on my carpets though thanks Smile

Thumbbunny · 09/04/2012 02:06

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SodoffBaldrick · 09/04/2012 03:38

There is little more dull than a 'my house, my rules' type. Apart from, perhaps, a 'my precious floors' type.

Of course it's your house, so your rules, but well, I dunno... I find the thought of issuing instructions to people when they arrive at my house - rather than just a unmitagated welcome - so cringey. You just know you're not going to have much craic at a 'my house, my rules' house. They'll be too busy moving cold drinks onto coasters and mini-hoovering up the crumbs from your lap as you eat your biscuit to let their hair down and enjoy it all. [bugrin]

We take shoes off at the door, though people wouldn't see them as they're all at the back door, as that's where the pram is kept and is so used more often. I would never ask someone to remove their shoes and in fact, even if they offer to, I tell them not to. Their shoes are part of their outfit and I wouldn't want to risk anyone being uncomfortable in my house, as a guest. Nobody would feel uncomfortable by wearing their shoes in someone else's house, but they very well might if asked to remove them. Really, my floors are just not that important. I have a 3 year old and a 20-month old, for the record.

As for shoes being outdoor things like coats, I presume all the shoe-taker-offers remove their shoes in shops and offices as well?

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 09/04/2012 07:11

I agree with everything you said baldric - very eloquently put! Grin I also agree with the class thing, and for all the OCD ones terrified of germs, a living thing probably harbours more microorganisms than an inaminate object such as a shoe, and I sure a bare, or even socked foot that has been festering in shoes all day is going to be riddled with bacteria and fungi. Best not to unleash it, throw caution to the wind, and allow your guests to remain comfortable IMO.

exoticfruits · 09/04/2012 07:19

I agree 100% Baldrick-well said.

I really wonder if anyone wants to visit these 'my house -my rules' people-I avoid them. I would rather leave them in their plastic bubble admiring their wonderful carpets and live life where people are made welcome and are not frightened of putting a step wrong.

It really is Hyacinth Bucket-maybe they are scared of using your best china too!

DCs cope with crawling on floors where visitors have walked-where did this idea come from that DCs need a sterile environment once they are moving?

SodoffBaldrick · 09/04/2012 07:36

No idea, EF - touch wood, but aside from one bad cold for DS aged 3, my two have never been sick - DD hasn't had so much as a sniffle, so I can only assume that the germs brought in by guests' shoes have bolstered their immune system. Keep 'em coming, I say. [buwink]

I should add, I always offer to remove my shoes at others' houses, but really only since reading these sorts of threads. It genuinely wouldn't have occurred to me that people would be so uptight about such a thing otherwise. When they say 'yes' I do tend to do a teeny tiny inward eye-roll while complying. Winter boots are a bitch for this, especially if the visit is only a short one...

exoticfruits · 09/04/2012 07:40

People think that I am nutty because after reading these threads I now offer and they generally look surprised and tell me to keep them on. I am going to stop offering and get back to normal.

nooka · 09/04/2012 07:41

We live in Canada and in the winter have great big boots which obviously get taken off as they are usually covered in snow (and too warm for indoors). However this has spread to always taking your shoes off which I find quite uncomfortable. I don't have very good circulation so my feet get very cold very easily, and in the summer they get sweaty and smelly. tbh I woudln't want my sweaty smelly feet all over my floors! However it's the norm so I either take my shoes off, feel embarrassed and hope they don't comment, or don't go in. I suppose I could carry a spare pair of 'indoor' shoes, but I think that people would think that was a bit odd.

I don't know very many people in the UK who have a shoes off approach. My family tend to have old cold houses, and if you took your shoes off you'd be likely to get chilblains!

exoticfruits · 09/04/2012 07:55

People always take boots off in snow in UK.(not that it happens very often in a year)

MsGee · 09/04/2012 08:02

We take shoes off at home as do most of our friends so not a problem. If people ask I just say that we do take out shoes off an leave it there, I don't think I have ever demanded someone follow suit and haven't batted an eyelid when (generally older) friends keep theirs on.

You never take your shoes off at my mums and DD feet get filthy from the carpets (and I know mum hovers daily). I keep my shoes on there now as I worry about the state of the floors. We also wipe DD feet / change socks when she gets home ... I was shocked at how dirty her feet can get from a carpet.

I realise I sound OCD but I never before realised that dirt from carpets transfers back to your feet... Or is my mums house unusual?

PoppyWearer · 09/04/2012 08:10

We have wooden floors downstairs, so I don't tend to care either way, although I do tend to take mine off.

However, I would expect guests to remove theirs if, say, they had been out in our garden doing an Easter Egg hunt and getting wet and muddy. Purely hypothetical of course Wink but I would also not expect to find other people's children running around my living room in their muddy wellies, no more than I would let my kids do that in their house (but, after yesterday, maybe I will next time we visit). And breathe...

Ilovedaintynuts · 09/04/2012 08:11

I don't like being told to take my shoes off and find it quite rude.
I would have no objection if it is a mud/dirt thing but as a general rule - get over yourself.

I have had to ask one of my guests to remove their shoes once though.
We were having a dinner party and a girlfriend of one of my DH's friends arrived in a pair of VERY high stilettos. The problem was she was absolutely GINORMOUS. A good 20 stone. The laws of physics dictate that 20 stone on 2 spikes is going to cause some real damage to your wooden floors.

We let her walk around when she first arrived but in her trail were what looked like bullet holes in my floor [bublush]
I pulled her to one side and she was absolutely horrified to remove them. I'm a bit plump so I understand how taking heels off would make you feel like you look more fat. She didn't make eye contact for the rest of the night and clearly wanted to take one of her heels and pierce my jugular with it.
The wood floor was permanently damaged after that.

We now live someone else and have more 'robust' flooring.

The obese in heels are welcome again!

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 09/04/2012 08:15

I find it a bit strange but will do so if asked. To me it's a bit like not being allowed to sit on the "good sofa" that's covered in plastic in the front room.

LST · 09/04/2012 08:19

ILove I don't ask but if I did and you didn't I'd find you very rude!

Baldrick I don't agree, I do feel uncomfortable wearing shoes in houses. And the office/shop thing is completely different as I don't sit on floors there!