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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect you to take your shoes off in my home?

299 replies

BelleTheBeatnik · 06/04/2012 21:34

That sounds so much more confrontational when I use direct address! [bublush]

I'm not criticizing those who don't remove shoes in their own home, but do the British automatically do it at other people's houses?

Asking this question is a life-long supporter of slippers, by the way. [bugrin]

OP posts:
LST · 06/04/2012 23:14

I like people to take shoes off at my house and I always remove shoes when I visit someone else

ninah · 06/04/2012 23:16

bargain mrbo!
fifty types of shit a day keeps the doctor away

Mrbojangles1 · 06/04/2012 23:19

Every body has a shoe rack in their room if ds is going to football he gets his football put brings them down stairs and puts them on in the hall the gose out what's the issue. Then takes them off when he comes in and put them away

We also have a shoe rack in the cupboard were the coats are kept for visitors

PrisonerOfWaugh · 06/04/2012 23:20

We're a shoes off house, and TBH everyone I know is the same so I have never had to ask anyone take off their shoes (and I wouldn't in fact, I'm a polite host Grin). It is automatic for us, and kids, to take shoes off on entering anyone's home (except my Mum's, but she lives on a farm).

With carpets I think it is a sensible thing to do, but can see how anyone with hard floors might think differently.

usualsuspect · 06/04/2012 23:21

We have a shoe pile in the hallway , or abandoned pairs of vans all over the house.

ninah · 06/04/2012 23:21

yy I guess carpets might make a difference
all quarry tiles here, it just mops off

fionabruise · 06/04/2012 23:22

yeah one of my relatives tries to make me put on their slippers when I go to their house it makes me wanna vom. I'd sooner my toes fell off with frostbite.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 06/04/2012 23:23

I find it bizarre how uptight english people get about taking their shoes off.

I was brought up in a 'no shoes inside' home. I live in rented accommodation with light coloured carpets and a crawling eating everything in sight baby. I would think it incredibly rude if a guest in our home didn't take their outdoor shoes off when asked to.

usualsuspect · 06/04/2012 23:25

I find it bizarre that anyone would make people take their shoes off.

MaureenMLove · 06/04/2012 23:26

My house is warm and welcoming. I want everyone to feel welcome and comfortable in my house. I would never ask anyone to take their shoes off and wouldn't be suprised if people stopped coming round if I did!

All this crap about what's on the soles of your shoes is just ridiculous! I was a childminder for 15 years, so many, many small children crawling about on my floors. None of them ever got disentry! And my own DD, who is now 16 has never, ever had a sickness bug of any description in her life, so my floors can't be that bad.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 06/04/2012 23:29

I used to work in homecare, and we were told not to take of our shoes even if requested. It was a place of work and not practical or safe to keep taking them off. Asking a gas man? Ridiculous!! The only people who have ever asked me were normally friends anal mothers. They were always the houses you dreaded going to as you just felt uncomfortable and unwelcome. I'd never want my guests to feel line that.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 06/04/2012 23:31

I also don't agree with this, "think ofall the germs" bollocks! Germs are everywhere and frankly too sterile an environment is not good for dcs anyway.

usualsuspect · 06/04/2012 23:33

My DCs used to crawl about in the garden so a bit of muck in the house wasn't a problem.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 06/04/2012 23:37

englishers. mentalists. that's all.

usualsuspect · 06/04/2012 23:39

Nice welcoming mentalists though.

Byecklove · 07/04/2012 00:05

No! I am 100% with you. Grew up overseas, back here for a stint then most recently lived in Tokyo. We have always taken our shoes off at home and it was another whole level in Tokyo...and I loved it. Removal men take their shoes off every time they walk into your flat to get more boxes. Guests always take shoes off (and every household has several pairs of guest slippers, I wasn't too keen on sharing those but when in Rome, eh?). Even DC at school remove their shoes when they get there and put on indoor shoes. Totally love that one. Think of how much time they spend sitting on the floor they've just trampled whoknowswhat all over (we live in a village. With many dogs. And not so many responsible dog owners). My DC take their shoes off wherever they go and politely inform visitors that this is a shoe-free house. I don't ask people to take them off (massive confrontation avoided that I am) but was really shocked when we moved back here. It all boils down to what you've been brought up doing, innit. You think we're anal (which I'm not) and we think you're uncivilised. Potato, potaato. Or something :)

Byecklove · 07/04/2012 00:07

*avoideR

MaureenMLove · 07/04/2012 00:13

What a pita though! I wonder how much time is wasted with taking off and putting on shoes in the school day!

I once had friends who insisted on taking shoes off at the front door. They had just had their new lawn laid and invited us for a BBQ. I had heels on. Not stilletoes, just heels. So, I took my shoes off at the front door, walked through the house holding them, put them on at the back door to walk across the patio, then took them off again when I got to the newly laid grass, because they didn't want me to walk on it in shoes! Add to that having to take 2 year old DD's shoes on and off!

Bollocks to that! We didn't stay long. I had a bloody 2 year old, who needed running after a lot!

usualsuspect · 07/04/2012 00:18

My neighbour nips in and out of my house all the time , imagine the shoes off kerfuffle every time.

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 07/04/2012 00:54

I hate being forced to take my shoes off in someone else's house. Obviously, if there are small, crawling children, I will remove my shoes. In a house with older children / adults, I resent being made to do it. I know very, very few people who do it - actually, two of DP's siblings are the only people I know who the whole 'you must remove your shoes' thing.

I can't stand the whole 'oh, we have cream/beige/ivory carpets' palaver. Carpets go on floors. Floors are for walking on. Don't cover a floor in something you do not want people to walk on. I hate when people try to make an actual home into a show home - probably because my Dad is like this, so I spent my childhood brushing my teeth in the kitchen, so as not to mess up the bathroom sink. Tiresome.

Pandemoniaa · 07/04/2012 00:54

I assume people have the good manners not to track mud and shyte all over the carpet and would remove really dirty boots first but I have a big enclosed porch which is clearly for the putting of deplorably dirty footwear in.

I'd certainly not expect anyone to remove their shoes as a matter of course though. We tend to take our shoes off and wear slippers once we're home for the evening but for reasons of comfort, not paranoia about the carpet being walked on. Admittedly, I live in the country where mud and dogs happily co-exist but even if I didn't it would never occur to me to have carpets that were such an impractical colour that they'd be ruined by being walked on in clean shoes.

When my dcs were younger they did tend to remove their shoes automatically but this was because they were usually dirty (the shoes and the dcs) and the habit seems to have carried on into their adulthood. So I do tend to take my shoes off in their houses. However, as a family, we are notorious defacers of officious little notices so for sure, anything that instructed you to remove shoes would be put up at your peril!

totallypearshaped · 07/04/2012 02:43

I love not having shoes on at home, but always assess someones' floor if visiting.
If their house is manky, and hasn't a shoe off policy, I leave my shoes on. [bushock]

If I'm staying overnight I bring my slippers, and if I know I'm going to someone's home who has a shoe off policy, and wooden floors I put a fluffy pair of socks in my pocket.

I always ask everyone to take their shoes off when they are in my home. We live in a busy, dirty city and have very pale woollen carpets. Nobody's ever minded talking off their shoes (AFAIK [bugrin]). I 'let' my guests loll on the sofas, with their feet up, and lie around on the floors as well! People are always popping in for a cuppa - interferes with my MNing though! [busmile]

sashh · 07/04/2012 04:21

I've always taken my shoes off at the door, we did it as kids so I just kept on but I don't care if other people do.

Now visiting a family in Mauritius was interesting, shoe came off at the door but if you went to the toilet there was a pile of assorted flip flops to wear in the bathroom.

Tee2072 · 07/04/2012 06:20

"it's considered incredibly bad manners to waltz into someone's house in America with shoes on"

[totally haven't read the thread emoticon]

No, it's not. The correct sentence should read: -

" it's considered incredibly bad manners to waltz into someone's house in some parts of the US with some people who live there America with shoes on"

In other words, I know some who care and some who don't. Just like in the UK.

Thumbbunny · 07/04/2012 06:32

to answer your direct question - YAB a bit U to expect people to take their shoes off, but there's no reason (IMO) why you can't suggest that they could.

My Dad, otoh, won't allow people to take their shoes off if they don't have socks or some other foot covering on underneath. A friend came over to visit me at Dad's while I was in the UK and automatically took her shoes off - Dad told me to tell her to put them back on! She didn't mind but it was a bit embarrassing.

At my house, we mostly go around barefoot, with socks or slippers in winter (bare boards with occasional rugs) but if someone wanted to keep their shoes on it wouldn't faze me unless said shoes were filthy dirty, in which case I'd ask them to take them off.

When I stayed in a communal flat in Russia, it was a complete no-no to wear outdoor shoes indoors - you took them off and the host provided soft slip-on slippery things (like bath slippers, iykwim, so washable) for everyone to wear. You didn't go barefoot in there either because of the powder on the floor to fight the cockroaches (it turned Dad's socks yellow in the hotels he stayed in).

When I go to someone's house, I usually ask them if it's a shoes on or off place and go with the "rule" of the house.