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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect you to take your shoes off in my home?

299 replies

BelleTheBeatnik · 06/04/2012 21:34

That sounds so much more confrontational when I use direct address! [bublush]

I'm not criticizing those who don't remove shoes in their own home, but do the British automatically do it at other people's houses?

Asking this question is a life-long supporter of slippers, by the way. [bugrin]

OP posts:
vitaminC · 07/04/2012 07:16

In my home, all kids (mine and any friends) have to remove shoes. I usually remove mine too when I'm not going out again. Not really for hygiene reasons though. i live in a 3rd floor apartment with hard wood floors and downstairs neighbours :o

i wouldn't ask an adult to remove theirs though. that would be quite rude!

quirrelquarrel · 07/04/2012 07:37

Houseproud people are usually a bit boring. Sorry. So YANBU but I don't know what I'd be doing in your home anyway.

mummy23x · 07/04/2012 07:41

yes! We have children and a 7 month old crawling around so, I prefer people to have the decency to take them off, we walk around outside, where people spit, dogs urinate and foul, I personally do not want that coming into my home.... I cant understand why anyone would, its filthy

theincredibequeenofwands · 07/04/2012 07:58

My friend makes everyone take of their shoes.

She has freezing cold laminate flooring.

People don't stay long.......!

I think it's a bit rude to specify what people wear in your home. We also have cold laminate and the floor can be very uncomforatably cold with just socks on.

Obviously if you have a crawling baby or the person's shoes are covered in actual faecal matter it's a bit different.

noinspiration · 07/04/2012 08:02

The person who cleans the floors is entitled to ask those who don't to remove their shoes. End of.

LittlePicnic · 07/04/2012 08:08

No YANBU- it is disrespectful to keep your shoes on if asked to remove them. I was just talking about this the other day, when my elder sister refused to at middle sister's house. That was more about their relationship than shoes though IMO.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 08:13

I always remove shoes when I visit someone else

I hope that you keep them on if asked to.

The person who cleans the floors is entitled to ask those who don't to remove their shoes. End of.

Don't expect many visitors with that attitude! I wouldn't only visit if I had no option.

Praguemum · 07/04/2012 08:14

I spent 5 years in Japan, but when I got back to the UK I reverted to the British habit of keeping my shoes on. However, now that we have small children, the thought of them crawling around in street filth is awful. It is the tradition here in the Czech Republic to remove your shoes so you don't usually have to ask people, which is good as the amount of dog dirt in Prague is pretty bad (like Paris). When you think of it logically ie. the amount of nasty bugs that you pick up on your shoes, the Japanese have it about right. I'm not anal about dirt (you should see my kitchen!), but I am uptight about having dog shit in my house.

EmilyPollifaxInnocentTourist · 07/04/2012 09:02

The amount of dog shit on British streets shocks the hell out of me. They really are disgusting.

pinktrees · 07/04/2012 09:29

This is a very simple issue.

If the host opens the door wearing no shoes, you must also take yours off.

If the host opens the door with shoes on, you keep yours on providing that they are not covered in mud/dog shit etc.

Agree Emily, the streets are absolutely covered in dog shit. This combined with the fact that I have 2 small children constantly playing on the floor means that I am cross with people who just barge in wearing their shoes. I do have a very light carpet and this is due to the fact that the room it is in does not get much light - it looks like a cave with a dark carpet so I got a light one.

I have had a midwife visit, a school professional visit and both took off their shoes without being asked. I have even had a heating engineer remove his shoes without being asked. If people don't remove their shoes, I don't ask them to. But they won't be invited again. I understand from the above that some shoe wearers won't want to come anyway. Great - everybody happy!

I would make an exception for people like my FIL, who has had a stroke and cancer and is elderly. I would not make him take his shoes off. But both him and MIL take their shoes off in their own house and both insists on taking them off when they come here.

Kladdkaka · 07/04/2012 09:29

It is the tradition here in the Czech Republic to remove your shoes so you don't usually have to ask people,

The tradition in the Czech Republic? Never came across it when we were living there.

eurochick · 07/04/2012 09:42

This again?

You should always make your guests feel comfortable. For some, this will be letting them take their shoes off because that is what they prefer. For most Brits, it is leaving them on. Making people take them off is terribly Hyacinth Bucket as someone mentioned upthread.

I went to see a friend in a shoes off house on Friday. It was cold. She has floorboards. I was wearing (thin) tights having just come from work. I couldn't feel my toes by the time I left. I almost slipped over several times. That was not making a guest feel comfortable! But she grew up in India and it is part of her culture. So I respect that in her house.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 09:45

If the host opens the door wearing no shoes, you must also take yours off.

Quite untrue! I don't wear them in my own home, but I want visitors to keep theirs on.

usualsuspect · 07/04/2012 09:47

I rarely wear shoes in my house, but I would never expect a visitor to remove theirs.

usualsuspect · 07/04/2012 09:49

I think its ridiculous to expect people doing their jobs midwives etc to remove their shoes.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 09:58

I can't believe someone would ask a midwife to remove her shoes!

ChronicToothAche · 07/04/2012 10:19

I take my shoes off when entering others homes unless asked not to/or told that they don't mind.
I am more of a 'shoes off' person in my own home but appreciate that it often isn't convenient or desirable (and that includes for us) so I now have wooden floors throughout downstairs, with the exception of two rooms. The vast majority of guests take their shoes off it going into one of these two rooms or upstairs, but I would never ask them to.
I held a meeting once in the carpeted room and you could clearly tell where the lady with shoes on had sat. I was quite shocked (very light carpet) - the carpet washer dealt with it easily though.

pinktrees · 07/04/2012 10:48

I did not ask or expect the midwife to remove her shoes. She did so volunatarily so it seems likely that plenty of people had asked her previously.

Those who don't wear shoes but want their guests to wear shoes - do you think people are telepathic? The best guide is to look at the feet of the host so you are making this particular social minefield even more difficult!

exoticfruits · 07/04/2012 12:06

I don't see why it is a social minefield-simply do whatever you like unless they tell you otherwise. If people start taking them off in my house I ask them to keep them on. If people want them off they tell you.I take mine off if muddy-anyone would.

trixymalixy · 07/04/2012 12:17

I will take my shoes off if they are particularly dirty/am asked to/host is not wearing shoes but would prefer not to and don't expect shoes off at my house. Think it's very anal.

GinPalace · 07/04/2012 12:21

Think it would help if we did actually have a cultural norm, but some do, some don't. Some do, but don't mind if others don't etc.

I usually ask if I haven't visited before, then try to remember what the deal was next time.

Once went to a small gathering where the host had everyone remove shoes and one guy had really stinky feet. It was very embarrassing for everyone and the stench rather spoiled my evening. Poor guy - wasn't his fault, I know him well and he is clean but has really sweaty feet which get smelly really quickly even if he has just washed. [busad]

trixymalixy · 07/04/2012 12:23

I was at a BBQ at a house with a no shoes inside rule. What a friggin pain in the ass that was with the patio doors open and two young kids wanting to run in and out. Lunacy, particularly when they had lots of pets and didn't make them wash their feet!!.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 07/04/2012 12:31

i hate having to remove my shoes
in fact, if i go the above of "Shoes Off!" type, then i make sure i walk there, wearing my jeans which trail to the floor, just so all of the lethal health hazards about which they complain are dragged through the house nonetheless

pinktrees · 07/04/2012 12:33

It isn't anal. There is dog shit everywhere and that's my main problem. I don't want it in my house because my children play with their toys on the floor.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 07/04/2012 12:35

do the Shoes Offers never take their DC to the park?
as soon as mine could crawl they were licking fox carcasses and the like.
someone bringing a bit of pavement dust in on the bottom of their shoes is the least of your worries.

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