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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my friend gave the bag of baby clothes to someone else in front of me...

86 replies

lallyp · 06/04/2012 12:26

I might just be hormonal and hence over sensitive but I have felt icky all day and this is the only place I can think of to ask if IABU...

My ds (4.5), dd (1.5) and I went to an easter party at a friends house today. In fairness the relationship with the friend is primarily based on our sons being playmates for the last few years. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the friend has always given me her dd(2.5) hand-me-downs. Today at the party she handed the bag of clothes to the woman next to me who has a dd (8 weeks old). The bag contains clothes and shoes for a 2 year old that my dd would be able wear straight away (she is tall) and the other mama will have to put them in a cupboard for a couple of years.

Is the 'friend' just being a bitch?

Am I just being silly cow?
I walked away feeling really horrible and 8 hours later here i am writing this...
Are there any voices of reason out there?

Just telling my I am being unreasonable is not that helpful as i already feel like a psyco for feeling the way i feel.

Thanks anyone x

OP posts:

giraffesCantDonateBoneMarrow · 06/04/2012 12:28

She might know that this person is in a lot of need for them. She can give her hand me downs to whoever she wants - after all she could sell them otherwise. It is not your right to get them.

ErikNorseman · 06/04/2012 12:29

YABU and a bit entitled.

RuleBritannia · 06/04/2012 12:30

Perhaps she has lots of hand me downs and it was the other woman's turn to have them?

hairytaleofnewyork · 06/04/2012 12:30

Has she always given you all her DD clothes?

Perhaps she's been giving some to you and some to others?

Do you rely on the clothes she's given you?

Really it's up to her who she gives her stuff to.

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 06/04/2012 12:30

Are you 5?

she is allowed to give her things to whomever she chooses.

savoycabbage · 06/04/2012 12:31

Yabu. Perhaps the bag did have baby clothes in. Perhaps she knows this woman is struggling. Perhaps she thinks she's given you some stuff and now she is giving the other lady some stuff.

mercibucket · 06/04/2012 12:31

It's a nice way to welcome a new baby and be friendly to someone who's just had a baby
It's a really big over-reaction to feel so upset about it - unless of course it was done in a pointed, snubbing way, and she didn't speak to you all day or something
Not sure 'aibu' is going to help you feel much better!

mumeeee · 06/04/2012 12:33

YABU it's up to her who she gives them to. Also she may have thought she would like to help someone else this time.

Greythorne · 06/04/2012 12:33

She may wish to help a number of her friends!

She probably figures that once your DD has worn her hand me downs, they will be fit for the jumble sale only, so her other friends with girls will never get hand me downs after you.

So, she is just being kind to all.

You would be right to be hurt if she binned them. But giving them to another friend? That's no slight.

blubberyboo · 06/04/2012 12:34

maybe the other mum asked for them, or confided that she had no money, maybe they were in exchange for something else you don't know about
or maybe you didn't express enough gratitude last time she gave to you.
or maybe you unwittingly gave something away that she would have liked you to offer her.
maybe she never sees your child wearing her things so thinks you don't use them
or maybe she thinks you've had your fair share.

who knows? YABU

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/04/2012 12:35

It's a bit weird though to give 2yo clothes to an 8 week baby though [buconfused]

LauraShigihara · 06/04/2012 12:36

She is allowed to pass on hand-me-downs to whoever she likes.

You are allowed to feel disappointed about this.

You'll live.

Eggsits · 06/04/2012 12:36

She can give them to who she wants.

Sorry.

LittleJennyRobyn · 06/04/2012 12:36

Well if she had promised them to you first then gave them to someone else that would be unreasonable
but if you "expected" to be given the clothes without any prior arrangement and she gave them to someone else then, no she has done nothing wrong.

They are her clothes to do what she likes with them. Had she have given them to the other lady when you weren't present, you'd be none the wiser

hathorinareddress · 06/04/2012 12:37

You sound entitled and YABU they belonged to your friend it's up to her who she gives them to.

Maybe she's closer to the other mum and is glad she had a DD so that she can pass the clothes on?

I used to give DDs clothes to the wee girl across the road, but their Uncle and Aunt on their dad's side had a wee girl - and DD wants to give her clothes to her so that's what happens now

BlackOutTheSun · 06/04/2012 12:38

yabu and you really need to get a grip (in a nice way)

i had a bag of clothes to give away last week, usually they go to my friend. instead they went to a woman my friend works with after her dp lost his job and she was in tears worring about how she was going to clothe her dd who was growing in the next size up.

they went to who needed them, not who wanted them

schobe · 06/04/2012 12:38

What happened to the clothes she gave you in the past?

Perhaps she was expecting them back or mistakenly thinks you are not passing them on in the same way so is trying to make a point.

I would always offer to return clothes given as hand me downs, but you may well have already done this.

AnnieLobeseder · 06/04/2012 12:39

I don't think anyone ever has a right to expect a gift from anyone else, even if you have had gifts from them in the past. You have no claims on those clothes, sorry, and your friend is quite entitled to give clothes to more people than just you.

TheLightPassenger · 06/04/2012 12:41

yabu.

is there something more to it though? do you feel insecure about hanging out with this friend since the friendship is based more on your kids than you?

lollystix · 06/04/2012 12:41

to me it seems it's not really about the clothes but more your friendship with her. You feel she favourered this other woman? It depends who the other woman to her though - she could be a really, really old friend and that's why she's chosen her this time instead.

Rubirosa · 06/04/2012 12:41

It's been very kind of her to give you lots of clothes. But it is just a gift, she doesn't owe you anything.

Maybe she wants to be kind to other people too?

CadburysHeaveEgg · 06/04/2012 12:41

Maybe she's already promised them to her. You don't get first dibs on someone's castoffs.

PicaK · 06/04/2012 12:46

Maybe you get the good stuff and she gives the not so good stuff to other people. Perhaps your sense of entitlement comes over to her too?

blubberyboo · 06/04/2012 12:48

i'm a bit confused tho - perhaps i'm reading it wrong

you say that you were at the party today, felt slighted and now 8 hrs later you are writing this
given that you wrote the post at 12.26 that would mean the party was at 4am
perhaps that's why you feel so bad and emotional ...you are just overtired???

catsareevil · 06/04/2012 12:48

YABU. She can give the clothes to whoever she likes, you have no right to any of it.

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