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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that becuase i now work part time i don't have 'two days off'

61 replies

Morph2 · 05/04/2012 21:55

Would just be grateful of opinion really. We both used to work full time monday to friday then DP works every other saturday morning as well. I've always done the majority of the housework as i mainly did on a saturday morning. DP 'jobs' were washing up each night, putting the bins out once a week, mowing the lawn during the summer. Now we have DS nearly 2 he does less in terms of housework than before, we take it in turns to wash up, i put the bins out, i mow the lawn. He says that becuase i have only gone back part time after DS was born i now have two days off so have more time to do stuff

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2012 21:59

I agree with him really.

You do have two days off of 'outside' work so it makes sense to get on with as much inside work as you can.

I find working inside the home is easier because you're more or less running to your own time schedule.

Working outside the home often means you have to have breaks at certain given times and then there's the travel etc too.

McFluffster · 05/04/2012 21:59

The impact a child has on housework is quite incredible. The impact they have on your time to do said housework is also pretty shocking. My working days are my days off. YANBU

maydaychild · 05/04/2012 22:02

Hrumph
Quite how you are supposed to get those jobs done with a 2yr old is beyond me.
I work 3 days.
My 2 days at home are far far more exhausting than work could ever be.

McHappyPants2012 · 05/04/2012 22:02

Yanbu with the dc around i can not get anything done, it's like trying to shovel snow when it is still snowing lol

NagooBunnytail · 05/04/2012 22:04

YANBU he should still be doing his jobs, you have not gone part time so you can look after him!

tralalala · 05/04/2012 22:06

I find that days at home create far more mess than any others. i would arrange it so that on the three days you work you do the shopping/cleaning in the evening (if not too long shifts), then do get out the house as much as poss on days off.

(My 11 hour day at uni is deffo my rest day!)

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 05/04/2012 22:07

Well, you do have two days off but if you've got children there are lots of other jobs to fill the space. More laundry, more nappies, more cooking for other people, more clearing up.

If you cook, then he should clear up afterwards. You're both home in the evenings, no? The golden rule is that you should both have the same amount of leisure time.

emsyj · 05/04/2012 22:09

YANBU, I stopped working before Christmas and I'm now looking for another job as it's far harder work being at home than going to work! Fortunately, DH does realise this as he fairly regularly spends the whole day with DD and knows it is impossible to get anything done whilst she's awake (she's nearly 2).

TidyDancer · 05/04/2012 22:12

To some extent, I agree with your DH. I certainly feel that each person should do their share of housework and childcare, but I would expect that the person who is in the house more (whether that is for CC or any other reason) should, on balance, do a larger share of the housework. You can do an odd 10 minutes here and there when you have a moment when you're at home, which obviously the person working outside the home won't have the opportunity to do.

The judgement of who is being unreasonable here is really dependant on how much extra you have taken on since you've worked outside the home part time.

Inertia · 05/04/2012 22:13

It's only two days off if you are not doing childcare on those days.

If you have preschool age children at home, then it's not two days off, it's two days childcare. I wouldn't fancy doing jobs like mowing the lawn, cleaning the oven, cleaning windows etc with a toddler trundling round- it wouldn't be safe. Doing laundry or washing up is doable, but TBH a toddler can often generate mess faster than an adult can tidy.

letseatgrandma · 05/04/2012 22:13

Hmm, I think I agree with your DH. People have always suggested on here that if you are at home you are just looking after the children and housework should be done 50/50 when the children are in bed/at the weekend etc However, if my DH was the one at home p/t and I was working f/t plus every other Saturday-I'd probably think he had more time to get little jobs done than me. Is he resentful that you are part time and not him?

I say this as someone whose DH has worked f/t and I have worked p/t for ten years now, with three (obviously not to begin with!) small children. It could be tricky getting things done when I had two under twosst, but it was still much easier than being at work.

mercibucket · 05/04/2012 22:16

It's 2 days off if you are at home alone, otherwise it's childcare
Now the kids are at school I get to go to the gym, shops and do the cleaning - yay - but before that - it was no holiday!

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2012 22:19

Yes it's childcare but looking after a 2yr old doesn't mean you can't get anything done.

Just a few bits here and there add up over the two days so imo, it's fair that the person getting to spend that time with the child, does a bit of housework too.

Pozzled · 05/04/2012 22:19

I think the test is how much leisure time you each get. Can you both sit down together in the evenings and share family/own time at weekends? If so, that suggests your workload is about equal.

Original poster

Morph2 · 05/04/2012 22:21

letseatgrandma> i'm not asking him to go 50:50 on the housework as i used to do all the cleaning anyway, i just would like if he could mow the lawn every week as its hardly something i can do with a 2 year old in tow (who now doesn't have a day nap)

My mum looks after DS the days i'm at work and she is on holiday in June so DP is having 2 days holiday and i'm having one to look after DS, maybe he'll get more of an idea then!!

OP posts:

Pozzled · 05/04/2012 22:24

I find that although I can get a fair amount done with my small DDs at home, most of it is clearing up after them, not actually making progress iyswim. I think it depends a lot on the age and personality of the DCs- whether they have a daytime nap, can play independently and so on.

formerdiva · 05/04/2012 22:26

I was quite judgey about this up until recently. I took a year's maternity leave with each of my children before going back to work full time. During my mat leave, I was a domestic goddess. The house was sparkling, we had decent cooked meals and I was generally marvellous. I would have agreed entirely with your DH up until 2 months ago.

I've not worked for the past 2 months...oh my god. The difference in being at home with a 5 and 2 year old! I spend all day picking up their bloody toys! No housework gets done and Poor DH is having to have convenience food every night. It is lovely being around the children more, but I'm a bit ashamed that I'd assumed that looking after children is as easy as looking after babies.

YADNBU

Clary · 05/04/2012 22:26

While I would agree that looking after a 2yo is not "time off", I' going to be controversial and say that I think parents who look after chidlren at home should also be able to do housework.

Are you really (some of you) saying that a parent who is at home all week shouldn't do any housework? Because I think they should be doing most of it tbh. I know I used to. It's totally possible to put the washing in the machine and on the line, hoover up and wash the pots while at home with a toddler, in a way that it really isn't possible while making a powerpoint presentation in the office or chasing sales in a Ford Focus up and down the M1.

wellilikemythinking · 05/04/2012 22:27

When my 2 were small and I was part time, I did all the housework and childcare as DH worked very long hours. I can't remember when I did it as I was part time to be with the kids so spent most of my time entertaining them. You have got me thinking now...when did did I do it! Once they were at school I raced round like a mad thing on the first morning to get it all done so could have some time to myself. Now full time and DH is a shift worker he does loads like school runs, food shop and cooking also cleans the kitchen and I do everything else. It works well but I did wonder if we would ever get there!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 05/04/2012 22:35

He should still be mowing the lawn - you haven't done anything that would make it more practical for you to do that. Or take turns and he can do something that used to be 'yours'.

As for how much a SAHP should get done around the house - I think you need to decide between you what you want for your child on those days. Do you want the days with the parent to be child focussed/job focussed/adult focussed or a mixture.

Then you need to see who has what 'leisure time' and make it pretty even.

hophophippidtyhop · 05/04/2012 22:36

You were already doing way more than an even split in housework when you were full time. I don't see why you should take on any more, the amount you were doing is what we do now with me working 2 days a week. My dp invariably cleans up after dinner, mows the lawn, does the bins, will stuff washing in the machine if he sees a pile needs doing, and every few weeks will have a couple of hours blitzing round the place of a weekend (I work saturdays). He is good at the picking up and putting away stuff too.
Yes, with those two days it means that you could spread it out a bit, but not that you have sole responsability for it, he lives there and contributes to making mess/ dirty clothes, etc.

bakingaddict · 05/04/2012 22:53

I have a 4yr old and a 10 month old and I find it hard to get things done in the day since my 10 month old started crawling. While my 4yr old will happily entertain hinmself playing in his room, my 10 month old just gets everywhere and isn't one for lots of daytime naps.

I pop the loo and I come back and she's got DVD's in her mouth, I try to clean the kitchen and find her munching on raw potatoes...the list is endless with what she can get up to. I much prefer to take them out and do things and sod the housework or leave it for DH to do

alwaysrunninginheels · 06/04/2012 07:46

Think you need to work out what you would be happy with before it starts to build up as resentment. My DH had a mother who never worked and did all the inside house jobs. So when I went back to work after DC1 I was quite shocked that while he was working 4.5 days and me working 3 days he felt I had more time off and should do everything in the house. It came to a head when I said I would work exactly the same hours as him and do 50/50 split of all chores......suddenly he thought a cleaner sounded a good idea. So suddenly I had at least one day a week I knew the house was clean! Now with 3dc I still have a cleaner once a week(godsend), work 3 days and do the majority of the jobs at home. But DH works v long hours now and I prefer the time he is home to be time we can enjoy rather than arguing over who does what. So I think different things work for different families and also at different stages. But resentment is the worst thing you can have as it bubbles away!

Inertia · 06/04/2012 08:15

The person at home can do some chores - but simply being at home with children generates extra chores in terms of meals to make, washing up, hoovering the kitchen, tidying toys etc. Not enormous jobs, but they add up over the day. Without children around you can get jbs done much more quickly. Not saying that you can't do any household tasks, but having a toddler to look after slows you down.

Op, when your DH has those two days of looking after DS, will you post an update telling us what cleaning he's done ?

HandMadeTail · 06/04/2012 08:25

A friend of mine has recently done one or two KIT days while her DP looks after their DS (3) and DD (3 mo). He has certainly found that it is not a "day off"! I suspect that your DP will find the same to be true. Roll on June........

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