in thinking that becuase i now work part time i don't have 'two days off'

[Morph2]

Would just be grateful of opinion really. We both used to work full time monday to friday then DP works every other saturday morning as well. I've always done the majority of the housework as i mainly did on a saturday morning. DP 'jobs' were washing up each night, putting the bins out once a week, mowing the lawn during the summer. Now we have DS nearly 2 he does less in terms of housework than before, we take it in turns to wash up, i put the bins out, i mow the lawn. He says that becuase i have only gone back part time after DS was born i now have two days off so have more time to do stuff

I don't really understand the people saying it's not two days off because you are providing childcare. I work five days a week but certainly regard the weekends as my days "off". Yes, I do have to look after dd on those days while DH is at work, but that isn't a chore, it's a pleasure.

And I don't understand why people think it's impossible to get housework done with a child around. I have never had any alternative but to do this.

I'm not saying that you should do everything at home, btw, OP. I think you should do more if you're at home more, but your DH should pull his weight too.

Hang on - why does he do less housework since you had DS? (Said in your OP)

You're at home more, but children create a lot more housework, and one who is almost 2 makes it extremely difficult to do as quickly or efficiently as before, unless one person is watching him or he is asleep.

I think he should carry on doing what he did before at the very least. Do people seriously think it's too much to ask a grown adult to wash up, put the bins out and mow the lawn? And the other do everything else? Because I think he could feasibly do this and some other jobs, put a wash on every now and again, tidy up toys at the end of the day if you do bedtime, wipe a cloth round the bathroom, take a turn at cleaning the toilet, for example.

I think it's possible to do some of the housework while at home with the dc, but not jobs like mowing the lawn or cleaning the oven. I think your dh is using your new part time status as an excuse to become a bit of a lazy bugger. If you cook, he should wash up. He should still do the bins and mow the grass.

Realistically, you should be able to keep the place generally clean and put the laundry on, during the week, but it doesn't mean your dh gets to come home and sit on his arse while you do all the dishes (having cooked).

If there is still work to be done, after he gets home, then he needs to be doing his share - it's not your job to wait on him.

When I worked full time my children were always a pleasure because I barely saw them during the week (long hours) and someone else was doing the donkey work. Now I see them four days out of every seven which is much nicer but also means that after an entire day spent wiping things I see very clearly that they can be a chore sometimes too!

I agree with your DH. What is it you can't do because you have a DS?
You do have more time. Having one child at home is MUCH easier than being at work IMHO.
I have worked part-time quite a lot over the years with my 3DC and did the lionshare of the housework. I now work FT and we share everything 50/50.
Common sense really.
I've always wondered what women DO all day who can't do housework looking after one child.

Other than the cutting the grass I don't see why you can't do the other things anyway. Certainly don't think it's worthy of an argument - splitting the washing up and moving the bin once a week/fortnight isn't that hard really. The only issue with the grass would be keeping a 2 year old entertained long enough to get it done!

Although agree you can't mow the lawn/clean oven in the day looking after child. Although I did these in the evening when I was a LP.

Doesn't the SAHP's ability to do housework alongside childcare depend a great deal on the DC in question too? My own DC is in utero for now, so I don't have direct experience of this. But from reading similar threads, I got the impression some DC make it very easy, others nearly impossible, and the rest in the middle. This is leaving out eg SEN, severe illness etc, as clearly this would make it more difficult but I assume OP would have mentioned it.

It does to an extent flagelina but realistically unless you want to spend every evening doing all the housework you have to find ways around the awkward child to get as much as you can done!

Morph2 I think your DP is taking advantage. I'd expect you to be able to some housework when you're at home in a way that your DP can't when he's working. Also, I think it is good for even very small children to see that things have to be done and are a normal part of life, and even at 2 they can help to a certain extent.

However, the reason this is unfair is because both you and your DP are probably vastly underestimating the amount that you already do. Who notices that the toilet rolls are running low? Who decides what is going to be bought when you do the weekly shop and who actually does the weekly shop? Who notices that the milk is running low and there won't be any for DS's breakfast in the morning unless you get some this afternoon? All these things add up. I bet if you really totalled up the housework you'd find that you were doing way more than your fair share even with the additional 'two days off' (pah!).

I heartily recommend this book as a way of clarifying how you feel and prompting a calm discussion with your DP about a fair division of labour. Good luck.

Is it the 'time off' phrase which is annoying you?
I would not like to be told I am having time off (I work 3 days, dh full time). But on the other hand i can see his Point. There is a lot you can combine with being at home. Laundry, wiping round bathroom and kitchen with 2 yr old, preparing meal, food shop, even hoovering. It's only one child which is easier too. Your dh can't do those jobs while at work

So while YANBU at being told you're having time off, neither is he being unreasonable at expecting you to do more now you're home more

I work 3 days and consider the rest of the week as time off, although I have to look after the dc (2.5 and 4) and clean the house, do the shopping, mow the lawn, the list goes on. I'm a LP so have no other option but to do these things when the dc are around, but it's not particularly difficult.

All of you who aren't able to do housework while looking after the dc, what do you do all day?

baabaa I'm a single parent too. I have 2 DC and a full-time job. I still feel the OP has a good point. Just because it is possible for her to do it all, doesn't mean she should have to. A relationship is supposed to make life easier for both parties. If the OP has to do 90% of the housework how is that making life easier when a good 40% of that housework will be generated by her DP anyway?

I'm not saying she should do all of it, but I don't see why she can't run the hoover round, or give the bathroom a clean when she is at home, it would take 20 mins.

I also think that any parent that is at home should ensure that mess created by them or the dc is cleared up, the last thing you want after a long day at work is to clear up after someone else.

While both parents are at home the housework should be split equally.

I wouldn't pin your hopes on those 2 days he has in June for him to realise what your "time off" with a toddler is like. I expect he'll arrange to go off out on a couple of jollies with him.

Sorry bit i agree with your Dh. If you are being housewife for two days then that includes doing the housework.

I agree with your DH too, presumably he was happy for you to drop your salary and working hours and for him to shoulder the bulk of the financial responsibility so i dont see why the bulk of the housework shouldnt fall to the SAHP/part time parent.

, some depressing attitudes on here...OP, when you are both at home together what's the routine like? Is your DH as busy as you with either childcare or housework or is he loafing around enjoying his 'time off'?

I am mostly a SAHM (just setting up as a Childminder) and do manage the bulk of the housework with my 2 year old in tow. BUT I don't do this so that DH can have uninterrupted time off, I do it as and when it fits in with the DC. When we are both at home we both muck in eg DH got up with the kids this morning, put some washing in, cleared away breakfast stuff, bit of cleaning in the kitchen. Then he played with the kids while I did some cleaning upstairs.

I think that if you're genuinely doing what you can around the house whilst caring for your child on your "home" days, then it's fair enough that you split what's left to be done when you're both there.
The key thing is, I guess, how much "leisure time" do you each get? If you're charging around like a mad thing at the weekends whilst he's on his backside watching sport on the TV then there's clearly a mis-match.

I have two days a week "off" from work and my kids are teenagers. Also, I'm off on (school) holiday at the moment. So far this morning dh has got us breakfast in bed, watched a bit of cricket, we both took the dog out for a lovely walk on the moor, he's gone to do a major Tesco shop whilst taking dd to meet friends on the way, I've MNed bathed the dog, hung the washing out and am about to do some ironing. DH will put all the shopping away and cook for a dinner party tonight and I'll tidy and clean up before and after. We'll get the kids to lay the table, take the dog out again and sort out all the laundry/ironed clothes and anything else I can think of to get them off the X-Box.

It's our family home, and we all pitch in otherwise I get shrill.

That's kind of my point, when I am not in work I'm tearing round like a mad dog trying to juggle two under threes and get the housework and errands done. I clean one room, move to the next and find the first needs doing again so the time spent has been pretty pointless. My professional job is far less hectic. Although my standards for housework haven't really dropped since having children, perhaps I could afford to relax them a bit and leave the of handprint on the fridge/wall/table.

When mine were tyounger, it wasn't that I couldn't do tons of housework, it was that I didn't want to. If I had wanted a cleaner house I would have worked full time and paid a cleaner. I went part time so I could spend time with the kids. So - toddler group am, lunch, park or walk pm, art stuff, jigsaws, playdough, painting, singing, bit of telly. I did housework but kids got it messy again. That's life. Shrug.
Dh did find it v stressful coming back to a messy house. I tried to do the messier stuff early on. The hardest thing was trying to work to a deadline of
6pm
Dinner made
House tidy
Kids quiet
I could achieve all that - just not all at the same time. Then dh would be bloody late and the moment would be missed as it descended to chaos again

well you do have more time at home, but having a child MASSIVELY increases the amount of housework that needs to be done so the WOH parent shouldn't see any decrease in their input to the housework even if the SAH parent does more than they used to.

mowing the lawn is NOT something you should be trying to do while in sole charge of a 2yr old.

DH is p/t and I am the f/t 'breadwinner' he works weekends and one or two evening shifts through the week. I work Mon-Fri 9-5 with an hours journey each way.

He hoovers, cooks tea, and looks after DD (17m), he rarely takes her to groups and often we make her hours up at the CM, during which time he sleeps.

I really don't think its U to expect the person who contributes less money and spends more time in the house to do more of the housework. I think that all contributions to the house need to be considered, not just the physical housework. I clean the bathroom, deep-clean the kitchen, DH wipes benches but doesn't wipe the cupboards, he wouldn't dream of clearing the kitchen floor before washing it etc., I got really frustrated that DH seems to have less time than me to do housework. I think its about attitude tbh, I seem to get much more done when I'm at home loooking after DD than H can.

He seems to think that housework can only be done when she's sleeping, where I involve her in whatever job I'm doing, and she seems to find that quite exciting.

I work mornings Mon - Fri. Dp works ft six days a week. I expect to do the housework and everything on the six days he works. However what do I do on the Sunday and the days he has his holiday ? He sits at home saying hes worked all week and is having a day off. I dont seem to get a day off factored in anywhere. I can see his point, hes out all day while Im in the house,but Im not sat on my backside all day!(well not all off it!) I think its just the way some men percieve a p/t workers role, not saying its right, but its just the way its seen.