in thinking that becuase i now work part time i don't have 'two days off'

[Morph2]

Would just be grateful of opinion really. We both used to work full time monday to friday then DP works every other saturday morning as well. I've always done the majority of the housework as i mainly did on a saturday morning. DP 'jobs' were washing up each night, putting the bins out once a week, mowing the lawn during the summer. Now we have DS nearly 2 he does less in terms of housework than before, we take it in turns to wash up, i put the bins out, i mow the lawn. He says that becuase i have only gone back part time after DS was born i now have two days off so have more time to do stuff

My dh thought the same when I worked three days

Come to think of it he still thinks it now I work five days.

No wonder I am shattered

Has caused endless arguments but he still needs to pull his weight.

sorry but i agree with your ds. you have on child? as do i. a 3 yr old. it is very possible to get house work done while minding him. he follows me around the house. turn on telly while i strip/make up beds/clean ensuite etc.

however at weekends you should split chores.

i work ft so i do know there is alot of work doing both but you can do those few extra jobs on the days your not working so you can BOTH relax more at the weekend.

Oh and he had a day off this week and did bugger all. When I have a day off I have a
List as long as my arm to try and get done.
He did not even bother to make dinner!!

Have decided I am going to be like him.

*agree with your dh i mean!

I think there's major sexism at work in this thread.

I work three days. I work three days because I am in an industry that means that is feasible whereas for dh it is not. However, our base wage is very similar (about 2K between it if f/t) and I am actually more ambitious and career-driven than dh. It just so happens that in my field, it's okay to take a few years off because you can do bits and bobs of freelance as well and keep your cv updated at the same time and because my work is superspecialist and I keep my training updated, there is great demand for what I do. Ideally, we would have done four days each but in the world we live in, and in a male-dominated industry like his, it would be far more detrimental to him than to me to lose a day's work.

I hate housework and I did not go part-time to spend my days at home doing chores, sorry. I despise all of this "the person earning less money/contributing less should do housework" nonsense, because we made this decision as a family and our income is joint. Being part-time is okay in my work but it's not fantastic either and I am making sacrifices in terms of that and in terms of my pension that took a lot of consideration. We made the decision that it would be good for one parent to be at home for two days because we felt it was best for the children's development so the "contribution" I make to the family was agreed and it was not decided on the basis of money or household labour division. It wasn't that I fancied a few years fannying about re-enacting the same sequence of taking out jigsaws/watching them be fecked around the living room/picking them up/packing them away a million times a day...

On my days off, we get out of the house as much as possible and I keep a check on things e.g. the living room and kitchen are kept clear, dishes done, surfaces wiped down e.g. tidy as you go. I also cook and do laundry as it comes up. I do not spend time doing addiitonal chores because in nap time, I do work e-mails for the freelance part of my job.

my reply is not based on who earns more. its based on who is physically at home. would say the same if the dh was at home. it takes a few mins to throw on a wash or clean down a loo. simple as that. pick your battles.

besides if house work was done a little every day there wouldnt be a weekend of constant chores!

You only have 2 days off if your DS is in childcare for those two days. If you only have childcare on the days you work then in those two days you're doing your other job, looking after your DS. Would your DH suggest that the person you are paying to look after your DS (either childminder, nursery worker, nanny) didn't actually have a job? Just because you're not being paid for work doesn't mean you're not doing it.

I work 3 days a week, on one of those days, I have a cleaner come in for 3 hours to do the bulk of the housework, because as DH has seen on the rare day I have been out on a weekend and he's had sole charge of DS, it's hard to get anything done (I tend to come back to every toy out, not dinner organised and breakfast plates still on the side unwashed, and a very stressed DH).

And mine wasn't directed at you, there have been posters who have linked it to pay/contribution.

If you clean at the weekend and maintain it on those two days, there's really no need to do any extra because you are off. When you work full-time, no one is messing up the house all day and so it stays more or less the same all week. At the weekend, if there are two of you, one can mind the kids while the other does x or y job. It is much faster to do larger chores without a kid in tow.

As for what people do all day if not housework, well, it's not really hard to actually spend your time doing other things.

We get up, have breakfast, get dressed, go out to the library, to a playgroup or to the supermarket, come home have lunch, tidy up after this, ds has naptime/I work, he wakes up, we read a few books/do a few jigsaws/play, tidy up after this, go out to the playground or for a walk or to a friends, come home, make dinner. Could I do more housework? Yes, but it would be inefficient, taking 2-3 times as long as doing it on my own, would probably involve me getting frustrated with ds for increasing the work by enabling the kids to mess things up behind me as I tried to do it. I spend a lot of time focused on getting ds to do chores and tidy up after himself vs just tidying for him, which makes tidying up after play much more drawn-out than if I just got it done quickly.. e.g. if I sweep, he sweeps with me, but usually that means he bats his toy brush about in the dust and I have to sweep it again, but that's why I'm here. Not to keep the place spotless, mow the lawn etc. If there is something obvious that needs to be done and there is time on a rainy day, of course I'll do it. But not because I am "expected" to, or I "should" because I contribute less etc.

I work part time and my DH works full time. I look after my kids on my 'days off'. We do activities together (toddler group, school runs, swimming, library, meeting friends in soft play or picnic) and I might spend a couple of hours each day cooking, washing clothes, tidying toys away, cleaning but my DH has responsibilities - emptying bins, loading the dish washer, mowing the lawn, sweeping the floor and hoovering mid week. At the weekends we share jobs 50-50.

I agree with your dh as well - and I speak as someone who went down to 3 days a week after dc2 was born. If you are physically in the house, you can get bits and bobs done around, and with your child. Including cutting the grass, tbh - dc plays in garden in your full view whilst you are cutting the grass, can't really see why not.
Bit different if you had triplets, obviously, but with one child, it should be feasible.

But what the OP is saying here is that she already does the majority of house work, always has done and is happy about that. She is not happy that even though she is already doing what looks about an 85 - 15 % split, he expects her to take on the small contribution to housework he already makes as well. She is not questioning her ability to do the majority of it while she is at home with her son, more that her dh doesn't think he should do any.