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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people should turn the TV off during playdates

72 replies

eppa · 05/04/2012 12:52

I don't have anything particularly against the TV but I do try to limit the time that DC watch it for each day as I prefer them to be doing other things and really try to use it just for when I need to get things done (only way I can get some peace!) or for a bit of a wind down at the end of the day.

However we have been to a couple of playdates recently where the host obviously has the TV on all day and they don't turn it off when my DC are there. I find this a real shame as then the time that DC should be playing and interacting with their friends they tend to just spend glued to the TV instead. It feels a bit pointless going to "play" with someone when they just watch TV instead.

Is it unreasonable that people do this and would it be unreasonable or rude of me to ask politely that they turn it off? Or should I just accept that its their house/their choice?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 05/04/2012 12:53

YABU

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2012 12:54

Just because it's on, doesn't mean the kids have to watch it?

How old are the kids and why do you go on these 'play dates' with them?

And yes, it would be incredibly rude to ask them to turn their own TV set off in their house.

You can always make sure your child's friends come to play at your house instead.

Original poster
eppa · 05/04/2012 12:57

I go on playdates as the DC are 3 and 18 months.
If the TV is on they will sit and watch it - I don't see that I can really prevent them watching it if its on in the room that they are playing in. Even if I try to get them outside they will just want to come in and watch the TV.
Yes - good idea to invite them to ours.

OP posts:
JaneFonda · 05/04/2012 12:57

YABU. Children can still interact with each other when they're watching TV, and it can be a fun thing for them to do together.

I doubt that all they did was sit in front of the TV all day.

Their house, their rules - if you don't like it, don't send your kids there.

Debsbear · 05/04/2012 13:01

I wouldn't expect my kids to go on a playdate and watch tv, in my house that NEVER happens - I'm always watching it myself Grin. Seriously, I think it's being unreasonable to tell someone to turn the tv off, as other people say if you don't like then don't go, but I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect that it goes off without asking as it's not much off a "playdate" more of a "tv watching date".

Condensedmilk · 05/04/2012 13:04

Yanbu

ABatInBunkFive · 05/04/2012 13:12

The TV is always on at my house i find the watch it less than when i tried to limit the amount they watched.

Rhubarbgarden · 05/04/2012 13:14

If you don't like what your children do on their playdates, don't take them. You can't tell someone else how to run their home or entertain their kids.

Scaredycat3000 · 05/04/2012 13:18

I think it's rude to leave the telly on when you have visitors, play date or not, unless you are there to watch the match/film/staying the weekend/etc. But you shouldn't ask them to turn it off.

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 13:19

Around here people would turn the telly off for playdates with 18mo and 3yo because they know they would get a Hmm and possibly have their middle-class-mummying certificate revoked Grin

Most people like to pretend that they don't watch telly and nor do their children yet simultaneously seem to have encylopaedic knowledges of shows like the X factor and their tots know all the characters from cbeebies Grin

Personally I would find it a bit sad if children that age really wanted to sit and watch telly when they had a friend round to play.

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 05/04/2012 13:22

YABU - I'm quite taken back when it happens.

However I'm never felt able to say anything. I just arrange for them to come over to us or I find something more suitable to do.

StrandedBear · 05/04/2012 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwantcandy · 05/04/2012 14:11

YANBU. I hate that tv has become the equivalent of background music. If there's a specific programme you want to watch then watch it, but I hate having it on all the time as general noise which gives me a headache and means everyone is half watching tv and half doing something else.

worldgonecrazy · 05/04/2012 14:12

We would never put the TV on if we had visitors, I think it's rude to keep the TV on when anyone visits, child or otherwise, unless as a PP said, the visit was to watch a specific programme/match. It's basic manners and something I will be passing on to my child.

Eggsits · 05/04/2012 14:14

YANBU - I am a bit anal about the tv - we only watch in the evenings although DD will watch all day if she could (she is 12).

I am always shocked if I go to collect DD from a friend's house and they leave the tv on whilst talking to me. I personally think it is the height of rudeness, but then I am an oldie.

ThreadWatcher · 05/04/2012 14:15

YABU to ask your host to turn the tv off.
You need to make friends with people who either dont have a tv (me) or those who know where the off button is (when visitors are present) :)

Eggsits · 05/04/2012 14:22

I would never dream of asking someone to turn the tv off, but I do have a 'look'.

GrandmasRedCar · 05/04/2012 14:24

I make a real effort to have the tv off amap and especially with company. But sometimes I forget. Sometimes my head is so full of things that weren't processed during sleep because I didn't have any that the tv stays on and I forget to make tea. Nothing bad came of it yet.

sallymonella · 05/04/2012 14:27

YANBU, I agree with other posters that having the TV on when you have guests over is bad manners, unless you've gone there specifically to watch TV obviously.

I've had this happen to me too, and whilst my friend's DC might be used to having the TV on all day and so can ignore it, mine don't and so are transfixed by it. I normally say something along the lines of, it's a lovely day, why don't you go and play out in the garden and let the grown-ups have a chat?

EldonAve · 05/04/2012 14:27

yanbu

Ineedalife · 05/04/2012 14:28

I agree with stranded, our telly is on pretty much all the time but my Dd's go off and do other things.

Some friends of Dd3 who have their TV restricted are totally obssessed by it and sit glued to any telly that is on.

Each to his own I saySmile.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 05/04/2012 14:28

I hate it when the TV is on all the time when visitors are about. Don't get me wrong, I have the TV on a lot if I'm at home alone but if anyone is over it goes off unless something specific is coming on.

I usually go to my inlaws for Christmas and the TV is on all of Christmas Day, including while we have Christmas dinner. And not to watch something specific, it's just on in the background.

I actually think this has a very negative effect on children's concentration spans.

notso · 05/04/2012 14:28

I think Y would BU to ask someone to turn off their own television in their own home.
However I hate having the television on all day, and mostly turn it off if people come round and are sitting in the front room.
I let my older DC and friends watch for a bit if they ask to but not for the duration of a visit, and I try and keep it to the last half hour or so before the friends are going home.
My youngest is 16 months old and I have never put the television on just for him. He does stop and dance to certain theme tunes but that's as far as his interest goes.

LoopyLoopsIsTentativelyBack · 05/04/2012 14:28

YABU, simply for attending anything called a 'playdate'.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2012 14:33

It's a bit rude to have the tv on when you have visitors, perhaps. But it is far ruder to ask them to switch it off. Drawing attention to someone else's lapse in manners is about as bad mannered as you can get.