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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that people should turn the TV off during playdates

72 replies

eppa · 05/04/2012 12:52

I don't have anything particularly against the TV but I do try to limit the time that DC watch it for each day as I prefer them to be doing other things and really try to use it just for when I need to get things done (only way I can get some peace!) or for a bit of a wind down at the end of the day.

However we have been to a couple of playdates recently where the host obviously has the TV on all day and they don't turn it off when my DC are there. I find this a real shame as then the time that DC should be playing and interacting with their friends they tend to just spend glued to the TV instead. It feels a bit pointless going to "play" with someone when they just watch TV instead.

Is it unreasonable that people do this and would it be unreasonable or rude of me to ask politely that they turn it off? Or should I just accept that its their house/their choice?

OP posts:

Flyonthewindscreen · 05/04/2012 14:34

YANBU to find it personally annoying and rude that people have the TV on continually while they have visitors, I agree with you. but YABU to consider asking them to turn it off. It does seem a bit pointless to invite children over for your DC to play with and then let them sit glued to the TV the whole time. That being said, my DC are older (8 and 10) and I leave it up to them if they want to watch some TV while they have friends over, they rarely sit around just watching TV together for long.

2rebecca · 05/04/2012 14:46

If you have 2 preschool kids then the whole "playdate" thing is unnecessary. You could just leave them at home playing. I think people start this sort of nonsense too early. Wait until your kids are able to go without you. This isn't a playdate. It's you and your kids visiting this other family. If you don't like the fact that they have the TV on then stop visiting them.
I think parents should only go with their kids if they like the adults and are friends with them.

BsshBossh · 05/04/2012 16:47

Do you think your children are "glued" to the TV at these friend's houses because TV is restricted at your house?

EssexGurl · 05/04/2012 17:20

My kids are watching Tree Fu Tom on Cbeebies at the moment and having a whale of a time doing the magic poses or whatever they are. I don't see that that is a problem as they don't just sit there but get up and get involved.

We had a playdate at the end of the summer hols where all kids chilled out to Tom & Jerry DVD. None had the energy for more than that and the mum who came said it did her 2 the power of good not to have to rush around as they were knackered!

Smokedsalmonbagel · 05/04/2012 17:32

YANBU

It annoys me too. A friend we visited this week had the telly on the whole time and none of the kids were watching it, it was just a background noise. It distracted me more than the kids.

I was always taught it was rude to have the telly on when you have visitors but thats just me.

Also don't get me wrong I love the telly and probably watch too much myself.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/04/2012 17:46

Haven't read all the replies, sorry if this has already been said, but perhaps your DC watch are glued to the tv at other peoples houses as it is a novelty for them with it being restricted at home? As the hosts have the tv on all the time, (i do too tbh!) their children will go about their business unless its something they actually want to watch. Therefore the host wouldnt think to turn it off as its not an issue for her DC.

This is based on my experience of with my DC and our TV only being off if its broken

JarethTheGoblinKing · 05/04/2012 17:52

YANBU. I have a few friends that do this. Id never ask them to turn it off but it does irritate me.

We don't have the tv on all day because DS would sit and stare at if the whole time if I let him. If used to be on a lot, but we've had to limit it.

helloclitty · 05/04/2012 17:54

I have always been asked if I mind and we go on loads of play dates. I don't mind but would rather they played.
I do think play date's serve a purpose for younger children. For a start they can play with another child of similar age and they learn no end of social skills.

fussbucket · 05/04/2012 17:59

Their house their rules so you can't say anything. I wouldn't dream of having telly on when visitors present, and I don't like it when others do it.
We did go round to play with a new family to the school once who did this. I just didn't follow the friendship up, in the same way as I don't follow up potential friend families who have any other massive differences from me in parenting methods.

LauraShigihara · 05/04/2012 18:17

I don't have the television on unless someone is watching because I am an irritable old git and it annoys me just rumbling away in the background.

I don't mind if other people leave it on though - I understand that the silence might be a bit dull for some.

I have a friend who lets a children's channel roll on all day, even when the kids are playing elsewhere in the house. When she leaves the room, I usually flick it off as no one is watching, only to have her absently put it back on when she walks into the room. I don't think she even knows she is doing it

BackforGood · 05/04/2012 18:18

YANBU for expecting the hosts to turn it off, but it would be rude to ask them to turn it off in their home. However, for the next invite I think I would have to say something about there not being much point if they are just going to sit and watch tele the whole time, and that I prefer not to have the tele on when there are other children to play with.

EasterBummy · 05/04/2012 18:23

YANBU but you can't ask someone else to turn their tv off, might be seen as rude.

Just invite them to yours instead. I agree it's a pointless "playdate" if theyre watching tv the whole time!

alemci · 05/04/2012 18:27

I don't like it if the TV is on if I have gone to visit someone and I must admit I get annoyed if my DH is watching rubbish on the TV in the daytime.

I think it should be limited but obviously you cannot say that to someone else. Their house, their rules.

Dawndonna · 05/04/2012 19:05

I too think it very rude to have the television on when you have guests. It goes off immediately here. However, I wouldn't ask anyone to turn it off in their own home.
Actually, that's a lie, there is one house I go to, but we've known each other for over twenty years and she doesn't mind.

daytoday · 05/04/2012 19:40

Erm, how do you know it was on all day? Stalker?

I only let mine watch TV on a playdate if its all going tits up - arguing, tired, not getting on.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/04/2012 19:48

I loathe the word 'playdate'. It conjurs up images of snacks of homemade hummous and crudites whilst discussing the merits of little Hugo's trumpet and Japanese lessons...

FryingNemo · 05/04/2012 19:51

YANBU. TV is not background music. Mind you, I don't like that either - it's too distracting.

MrsBeakman · 05/04/2012 19:51

YANBU. It's such a shame when people do this.

DodieSmith · 05/04/2012 19:53

YANBU. What's the point of going someone's house to do something you could have done at home.

Kladdkaka · 05/04/2012 20:09

My tv is on from the minute I get up (first thing I do) until I go to bed. Not having that background noise freaks me out completely.

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 20:40

Dodie. It wouldn't have been something the OP would have done at home as TV is restricted.

OPs kids probably had a great time

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 20:49

YABU to expect someone else to abide by your rules in their house. Would you do the same for them and turn yours on if their DC was visiting?

I had a neighbour who wouldn't let her children play with the two of mine who corresponded in ages because I often had the TV on in the afternoon. This woman actually thought I should have all my other children do something else with themselves while her DCs played at my house.

I have nothing against children watching tv and nothing against children not watching tv -- I object to the idea that they have a right to impose their values on me and my family.

Doitnicelyplease · 05/04/2012 20:55

YANBU

My DD (3 as well) loves TV and believe me she watches plenty at home, but when we have gone over to friends so the adults can chat and the children can play, it has annoyed me if the other parents have put the TV on at the first request of their child. Before you know it the happy playing has turned into silent Peppa Pig watching, which IMO they can do any old time, so why stick it on when they have a friend over?

On the other hand I wouldn't mind it going on if they had already done a good hour or two of playing and were getting tired/cranky If we have had a morning playdate, followed by lunch etc by that point a bit of TV might be a good idea...

Anyway summer is coming so hopefully all the DC's will be outside more and there is no TV to watch out there :)

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 20:59

Playdates -- I never asked parents around for playdates. Children too young to go somewhere without a parent tagging along are not going to benefit from playing with others so much that playdates are necessary. After a few unsuccessful attempts I never invited small children to play in my house. Too much hassle, too many broken or missing toys, too much to keep an eye on and too much treading of fine lines when it came to maintaining order while the parent of the other child too often sat there smiling benignly while her little darling wrote on walls, flushed stuffed animals down the toilet, etc.. So the issue of 'visitors' didn't come up.

skybluepearl · 05/04/2012 21:03

We rarely have the tv on and wouldn't put the TV on during a play date. The only exception would be if the play date followed a play group session and the kids were exhausted and needed a rest. It might be on for an hour in that case but can't stand much as cbeebies noise is awful.

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