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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that people should turn the TV off during playdates

72 replies

eppa · 05/04/2012 12:52

I don't have anything particularly against the TV but I do try to limit the time that DC watch it for each day as I prefer them to be doing other things and really try to use it just for when I need to get things done (only way I can get some peace!) or for a bit of a wind down at the end of the day.

However we have been to a couple of playdates recently where the host obviously has the TV on all day and they don't turn it off when my DC are there. I find this a real shame as then the time that DC should be playing and interacting with their friends they tend to just spend glued to the TV instead. It feels a bit pointless going to "play" with someone when they just watch TV instead.

Is it unreasonable that people do this and would it be unreasonable or rude of me to ask politely that they turn it off? Or should I just accept that its their house/their choice?

OP posts:

quickhide · 05/04/2012 21:11

What's with all the playdate-bashing? Ok the term is a bit of an americanism but essentially it's just going round to someone's house for a cuppa so the kids can play, which has been going on for donkey's years! What else do SAHMs do when the weather is crap?

As for the OP, YANBU as I agree it's rude to leave tv on when there are visitors, and have been known to use the phrase 'X has come round to play, not watch tv' if DD asks for it to go on when we have people round. However nothing wrong with the odd programme if everyone is getting cranky.

But it would be unreasonable to ask them to turn it off and you would get a reputation for being a fusspot

startail · 05/04/2012 22:03

YANBU
I used to get slightly pissed off at friends who switched a video on as soon as the assembled DCs got the slightest bit fractious.

I mean Mummy, I simply shout "stop fighting and play nicely". Then I get on with coffee and chat. I don't put on videos and I don't find a board game and try and get them to do something organised.

The whole point of " play dates" is to play.

Now the DDs are much older, I don't mind video and hot chocolate on sleep overs or sharing a volutes game so long as they are still chatting and interacting, but retreating into your own little world is not the point.

startail · 05/04/2012 22:04

Computer game, I've no idea what auto correct did there

usualsuspect · 05/04/2012 22:08

YABU, why don't you find another worthy smug mummy to hang out with then you can congratulate yourselves on how you are the best parents ever.

Original poster

eppa · 05/04/2012 22:18

Thanks for opinions everyone - glad I am not being too unreasonable!

I will admit that DCs did enjoy watching the TV especially as we only have cbeebies and these friends had Nick jr and disney - so they thought it was their lucky day

I guess now the weather is getting nicer it will be easier to encourage them to go out into the garden or arrange to meet friends at the park so I can avoid the situation.

usualsuspect - that was a bit harsh! I don't think I said that I was the best parent ever (probably one of the worst after letting DC's spend most of the day eating chocolate easter eggs

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 22:23

You need to up your game, eppa.

In a situation like this, people I would know would say brightly "I know, let's play hide and seek!!!!" and spring up and turn the telly off and direct a game and be so bright and marvellous about it that there would be no arguments.

And the parent with the telly on will think that is fine as long as it is not them having to be bright and marvellous and keep the kids occupied instead

Original poster

eppa · 05/04/2012 22:25

I like your style SardineQueen!

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 22:28

Not my style.
I'm the one sitting there with the telly on
Looking on good-humouredly as the wholesome mummies engage the children in improving activities. More time for me on MN innit

kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 05/04/2012 22:33

If you think that is bad, I had a friend who used to allow her DC to watch 15 rated DVDs which he would put on as soon as we came round - he was 4/5. She said he could handle the violence in them as he was 'unusually mature' for his age (yes that's why he kept hitting and biting my DS We are no longer friends.

1950sHousewife · 05/04/2012 22:40

eppa - I'm with you, although I wouldn't tell them to turn it off.

My DCs are TV magnets. Just realised I'm like that as well, if I go to someones house forget havng a decent chat if there is something shite on like Gardener's World in the background. I would be drawn to it even though my mind would be screaming 'Stay away from the light!'

They'd watch the test card if it was on. I do limit TV - an hour a day max (seems pretty reasonable to me) and think that unless the whole thing is going tits up it's a little gutting to see them sitting there like zombies in front of it when it would be nicer to see them playing. So I guess it's a fault with my DCs, but short of dragging them away bodily...

Luckily, I don't know many people who'd do it. I guess I must be party of the worthy smug mummy brigade usualsuspect is on about!

And the worst party is, I don't object to the word playdate either. Because (a) it fills a gap in the language
and (b) I live in a N America.

Must dash. Got to go and my fifth worthy thing of the day.

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 22:40

SQ
Much less trying to turn on the TV and tell them to knock themselves out.

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 22:44

If you turn off the TV and make let them play, chances are they might actually knock themselves out

mathanxiety · 05/04/2012 23:06

That is what I always feared, SQ. Safety first is my motto.

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 23:52

Well quite.

Elf n safety dictates telly on at all times and if they still show signs of moving around ply them with biscuits until they stop.

Effective and sensible advice

SardineQueen · 05/04/2012 23:53

(I am making this up BTW. Before the mummying certificate people call round with the scissors. I actually spend most of my time doing flashcards and wordgames with them. Yes indeedy. )

startail · 06/04/2012 00:08

Nope, lazy neglectful parent, just feel that having driven several miles to give DD some social interaction she should jolly well interact.
Not watch TV or demand the poor host entertains her.
She watches far too much TV at home.

There is a place for TV if you are visiting for a whole day and DC need some down time, but it is resorted to, too easily.

I guess the DF who does this most has an only child and feels uncomfortable letting my DD2, her DD and another friend sort them selves out.

I'm used to DD1 and DD2 sorting out their differences and since they fight far less than DSIS and me, I tend not to worry.

mathanxiety · 06/04/2012 06:35

I make up for it by playing classical music all day on the radio in the kitchen. That way the music and the TV cancel each other out.

jennymac · 06/04/2012 08:00

This annoys me a bit too as I don't think there is any need for a tv to be on constantly. In our house, it is on rarely during the day and I would only switch it on to allow the kids to watch a specific programme. Sometimes if they have friends round and if they already have been playing for a couple of hours, I'll put it on if they ask to watch something in particular, to let them calm down for a bit.

SardineQueen · 06/04/2012 10:59

math that is a super idea!

SardineQueen · 06/04/2012 11:00

@ lazy, neglectful parent

startail · 06/04/2012 11:17

Well I've been eating toast in bed with DH while DD2 watches TB this morning and they are now playing on the Wii. Teen DD1 having surfaced.
So not a very attentive parent this morning

startail · 06/04/2012 11:18

TV
I neglected to proof too.

Now I do need to do laundry.

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