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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be crying over my cat 3 days after it was run over.

108 replies

DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 08:26

I know it's just a cat. I know that, thank God, it wasn't a child. I know I'm 'being a bit pathetic' as my very nice friend tells me. BUT he was my little pal and I loved him and I'm gutted that the kids and I saw him being run over and that the car didn't even stop. The children are devastated beyond words and a bit traumatised too. I had to go and pick him off the road. Thank God it was instant but we loved him and I miss him. Sad

OP posts:
CheeseandPickledOnion · 05/04/2012 13:10

YANBU. I would too.

Sorry for your loss. :(

Selks · 05/04/2012 13:11

YANBU. So sorry that your children and you saw it happen. Bastard driver for not stopping and nasty friend. Sad
I hope you have some lovely pics of your cat that you can frame up and have out for happy memories. The funeral was a good thing to have done.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 05/04/2012 13:29

YANBU. I would be crying still too - having lost many much loved cats over the years I know how devasting it is. I hate drivers who run anything over and don't stop. Anybody who says a cat is 'just' a pet is heartless and not worth bothering with, IMO. Big hugs to you and the family xxx

Original poster
DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 13:35

His name was Ted nitrox and he was a lovely big white and ginger lad. Not the smartest fella but loved a cuddle.

OP posts:
jeansforever · 05/04/2012 14:03

Sorry to hear about your cat , i cried for ages after one of my cats was run over 5 years ago now.
I still feel sad sometimes when i see my other cat moping around as they were sisters.

toofattorun · 05/04/2012 14:15

Oh no, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's not just a cat, he was family. He was an old boy and went through so much with you so it's no wonder you're upset. Big hugs to you and your children.
(Cant believe the a**hole didn't have the decency to stop)

FreudianSlipper · 05/04/2012 14:17

no you are not being pathetic at all, what a terrible thing to witness not only are you in shock you and your family have lost a very much loved pet i would be devestated too, my little cat is my little pal he always gives me a cuddle no matter how grumpy i am

i still miss my cat that died 9 years ago and that was a nice peaceful death (put to sleep) and i still sometimes have a little cry over her

and your friend is being horrible tell her to bog off for now and let you be

LadyRabbit · 05/04/2012 14:51

Oh Dolly, YADNBU. So sorry about your cat, and how horrid that you and your kids saw it happen. What evil f*er doesn't stop after doing that. Grrr. Hope you feel less sad soon. X

ModernToss · 05/04/2012 14:52

I'm so sorry about Ted, and of course YANBU.

Selks · 05/04/2012 14:55

Ahh poor Ted. He sounds lovely.

Sleep well, furry friend.

zukiecat · 05/04/2012 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lucertola28 · 05/04/2012 15:09

That is very sad, and completely normal and not at all pathetic to cry and be upset. When my cat had to be put down I cried a lot over that week and even stayed home from work that day as I could not stop crying and worked with kids so did not want them to see me like that. I had her since I was 11 and she was such a lovely if slightly crazy moggie, still remember and miss her.

A traumatic sudden death like for your cat I can imagine is even worse. Your friend is being insensitive, people get very attached to and love their pets. It is only natural to be upset and miss them. Pets do become part of the family and it is very hard when they leave.

I am not religious but do like to think of them all in cat heaven dozing in the sun and playing like little kittens.

Maybe do something nice with your kids like plant a special plant or something in the garden to remember her.

Sending lots of hugs for you

ChrissasMissis · 05/04/2012 15:52

Oh, YANBU! Am so sorry - it's horrible to lose a pet this way. I lost my cat almost two years ago that way and it still makes me terribly said when I think of him. I really miss him. You feel the way you feel - it is what it is.

changeforthebetter · 05/04/2012 16:04

Not only do I think it a normal human, and humane, reaction to be sad about the death of your pet, I also think your kids are going to be emotionally healthy adults. Acknowledging love, death and grief are vital parts of growing up. I buried my previous cat in my dad's garden complete with flowers and possibly a poem/prayer (it was a while ago) and will do the same when the current ChangeCats go to the great kitty litter tray in the sky.

Have a Brew and a [need a hankie emoticon] and ignore your friend's silly comment. Some people can be dreadfully hard-nosed and lacking in basic empathy.

theodorakis · 05/04/2012 16:11

I am so so sorry for you. Our beautiful old lurched died on Monday and we are devastated. Take care

theodorakis · 05/04/2012 16:11

Lurcher

MrsSnow · 05/04/2012 16:36

I'm so sorry, how awful to have seen it as well.

I don't know what I would do if anything to our cat he is the definitely a family member.

scoobydont · 05/04/2012 18:18

so sorry about Ted
know exactly how you feel. our lovely cat was run over in september and in spite of getting another one a few months later i still feel sad and cry. there is a lottie look alike a few doors down so it is never far from my mind.

thank goodness you have a lovely friend how thoughtful to bring gifts for the kids. a friend of mine did this she turned up with sweets and a dvd for them each as she couldn't bear to see them so upset.

lottie was still alive when we found her, but the vet advises us to end her suffering (even though we had insurance - so i made that dreadful decision on my own) - when i saw another friend that night (it was my son's parents evening -) she was cross that i hadn't called her and went through it all on my own, she said she would have dropped everything to be there.

its times like these that show you exactly who your friends are. I will never forget their kindness

glad you have got a good friend.

be kind to yourself - it will take a while to come to terms with it

Monochromecat · 05/04/2012 19:49

So sorry for you and DC and how awful to have seen it. YANBU.

BulletProof · 05/04/2012 19:50

I'm so sorry. I lost my gorgeous cat just over a month ago and I still cry when I think of him :(

Joolyjoolyjoo · 05/04/2012 19:59

YANBU Sad I lost my oldest, most favourite cat a few months after my mum died, and I cried just as much Blush- it just seemed like the last straw. I still talk about him- he was such a character, and I will never forget him. He was run over too, its horrible.

3 days is nothing. I lost my old dog in November and only last week got around to scattering his ashes on his favourite walk (and having a wee blub Blush) Cry away! Your "friend" isn't very empathetic at all, but I've found in this world there are "pet" people and "non-pet" people and they will never see each other's point of view! I had a huge row with a good "non-pet" friend once about the "stupidity" of someone who jumped into a frozen lake to save their dog and died- my friend was just incredulous that someone would do this, and when I admitted that I probably would......

LaurieFairyCake · 05/04/2012 20:06

Yanbu

Love is love.

My 17 year old cat died last year, I'd had her since university - she had shared 20 moves with me, 4 boyfriends, one fiancée, 2 husbands, 5 jobs, half a dozen deaths and 2 miscarriages.

She shared my life, ALL of it, every day - sleeping on my bed, purring at me, making me laugh.

A part of my past died with her.

SecretNutellaFix · 05/04/2012 20:10

It took a long time to stop expecting my first RTA-killed cat to just stick his head out from the piano, or just chirp a greeting whenever I went home after school.

He and his brother are still missed- I still get teary about my old dog- 18 months later. It is normal to grieve for someone who has been important in your life.

zukiecat · 05/04/2012 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shenanagins · 05/04/2012 20:16

So sorry to hear about poor Ted - you are not being unreasonable your friend is and very insensitive.

i am still grieving for our dog who died earlier this year but i know that he is in doggy heaven having the time of his life.

If it would be of help you could try a pet bereavement councillor or even read some stuff on line to help.

Try Googling pet undertakers Lanark who have some brilliant stuff on line and can even do counciling over the phone.

i would send you the link but on my phone at the mo with my sleeping boy. They were brilliant in dealing with our old boy and are clearly animal lovers.