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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to still be crying over my cat 3 days after it was run over.

108 replies

DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 08:26

I know it's just a cat. I know that, thank God, it wasn't a child. I know I'm 'being a bit pathetic' as my very nice friend tells me. BUT he was my little pal and I loved him and I'm gutted that the kids and I saw him being run over and that the car didn't even stop. The children are devastated beyond words and a bit traumatised too. I had to go and pick him off the road. Thank God it was instant but we loved him and I miss him.

OP posts:

Angiefernackerpan · 05/04/2012 10:50

YANBU, our Trevor (15) died peacefully of old age recently, I was devastated. I can't imagine how awful it would be to see a pet run over. We've got four other pusses but I miss Trev, he used to cadge for food when we were cooking, the kitchen is a lonely place without him :(

In think people who 'don't get' pets are missing out on something special

LST · 05/04/2012 10:54

Oh god! Your are not pathetic in anyway. My cats are part of my family. As was my dog.

I'm in tears just thinking about what you went through

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

blonderthanred · 05/04/2012 11:01

Three days??!

I am still sometimes tearful about my dog after 6 months. I was inconsolable at three days, felt like the loss would never lessen.

I too thought people would think I was stupid for grieving but pretty much no-one did, your friend is definitely the weird one. The funeral is a lovely idea, especially to help your children to come to terms with seeing him being run over.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 05/04/2012 11:06

YANBU at all; one of my cats died in tragic circumstances in December and I still feel sad and feel the loss a lot. I don't know if I'll ever totally get over losing her tbh. I'd had her for 14 years and she was like my shadow.

Hugs to you, I hope you are ok, OP

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 05/04/2012 11:08

Of course YANBU, it is devastating when your pet dies. I cried for ages after my cat got run over, my husband even had a bit of a cry and he never cries at anything!

Don't worry about what your friends say, they obviously don't understand. You are not being pathetic.

Big hugs x

Mrsjay · 05/04/2012 11:10

aww no your not pathetic i have said on other threads my cat was pts on monday , I was hoovering my sofa yesterday of cat hair and was bubbiling doing it never underestimate the love you have for a pet and when they leave it , we have lost a familiy member , (hugs)

Original poster

DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 11:11

Well my faith in humanity has been restored. My other (real) friend turned up an hour ago with cake and colouring books for the kids to cheer us up. She has animals too so she knows what it's like. It's so nice to read your stories on here too and see that I'm actually not being silly for being so upset.

OP posts:

piratecat · 05/04/2012 11:12

no you are not!!

it's devastating, you poor thing. i am so sorry, you loved your boy.

I have witnessed my cat being run over also some yrs back, it's awful. I also had to go pick up our darling cat who was run over this time last year. I sobbed and sobbed, i was so angry. Have lost 3 to the road.

I hope you and your kids feel a bit better day by day. hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx

Mrsjay · 05/04/2012 11:14

Dolly my cat was also 18 its a long time to have a pet , im glad your friend has come over to comfort you ,

Original poster

DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 11:14

And I know what you mean Sootica, DH cried too and I have never seen him cry, even in awful situations. He used to spend his time saying 'that bloody cat is always in the way' but he misses him too it seems!

OP posts:

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 05/04/2012 11:26

YANBU at all!

people who don't do pets just don't understand how much they can bring to your life and how they become part of the family, and are just like your child.

I lost my little cat when he was only 6 months old, we still have his sister (who is now 7) and I still get a bit upset when I think about him as a kitten, he was such a sweet little cat

Ephiny · 05/04/2012 11:35

I think people who 'don't do pets' could still show a bit more empathy and kindness to their friends.

For example I am not close at all to my parents/relatives and don't entirely 'get' people who are. But if a friend was grieving the death of her mum, for example, I wouldn't dream of telling her she was being 'pathetic'. Friend really doesn't sound very nice.

No animals are not the same as people, but if your little cat has been your companion for 18 years, and you've just seen him killed in a horrible accident, surely it's understandable that you're going to be quite shaken and upset? You don't have to 'do pets' to see that, surely?

angelpuss · 05/04/2012 12:08

YA definitely NBU

Have had to stop reading the thread as it's making me cry . We had 3 cats until the day that I was 20 weeks pregnant with DS. Joey got run over outside my mums house and I cried for at least a couple of weeks. (although pregnancy hormones may have contributed to that!)

Me and DH had a little funeral for him in the back garden and he's buried in his favourite spot, with a lovely cat statue over the top.

It will get easier, but sending hugs.

maybeIwillmaybeIwont · 05/04/2012 12:17

Oh bless you, to lose a cat after 18 years, such a loss! Actuallly after 18 weeks would be just as devastating. My DH went for a job interview years ago (we are ancient!), and he was asked about any pets he had (three moggies). Later, after successfully getting the job, he found out that the boss / interviewer was very pet orientated and wouldn't entertain people who didn't like/have pets as he didn't 'trust' them! Totally against guidelines but that was just the way he felt. So no need to say sorry that you are upset, this is the respect your puss cat deserves and you as well for being such a good pet owner!

SaggyHairyArse · 05/04/2012 12:21

YADNBU. I was walking my dog the other day and started chatting to a bloke walking his who mentioned his other dog who had to be put down and I sympathised with him as last year had to have my cat put down and we both welled up a year after the event.

It is sad, your cat being run over is sad and if your friend can't see that then she has the problem imo.

SootySweepandSue · 05/04/2012 12:21

Sorry about your cat. Mine was also hit by a car but I didn't see it. She was 2. I did however conduct a CSI type investigation on the street she was killed picking up evidence and checking all the cars to see if there were any marks . I figured I'd missed the incident by about 5-10 mins. I also put up a shrine on the street and wrote the council asking for a 20mph limit! This was aswell as a proper funeral in the garden and I made a photobook too.

It's awful you just have to remember the good times and expect a few more tears.

Rubygloom · 05/04/2012 12:23

We lost a child in our family but me my mum and my sis would still be distraught if we lost our dog.Your friend sounds mean

thebody · 05/04/2012 12:27

Your friend is a silly cow, I ADORE my cats and have lost a kitten in a road accident it was horrible and I cried for days.

Totally understand and so sorry for u all.

Kayano · 05/04/2012 12:28

My cat was ran over 3 weeks before my wedding

I was gutted as I had even bought him a tux and sent DH (then DP) to get chocolate.

My wedding dress was tighter than I would have liked because I spent weeks upset and eating crap

Sorry for your loss

cuteboots · 05/04/2012 12:39

YADNBU I still cry when I find an old picture of my dog and he died about 8 years ago. They become part of your family. Your are not pathetic at all ...

AKMD · 05/04/2012 12:39

Aww no, of course YANBU. I cried every day for months when my little cat had to be put down :(

There's an older lady at church whose much-loved son was killed in a road accident when he was a teenager. She told me once that the grief she felt when her dog died was the same as when her son was killed. People trivialise the death of pets but her experience shows just how painful it can be.

PineCones · 05/04/2012 12:42

You are NOT being pathetic at all and I am at your friend for saying so.
YANBU at all.
There is no shame in mourning your pet. They are part of your family too and why shouldn't you love and mourn them.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 05/04/2012 13:03

Not even a tiny bit U. Massive (((hugs))) to you and your family. My darling tom has just turned 18 and my life would be poorer without him.

juneybean · 05/04/2012 13:05

Awww no YANBU! Poor cat :(

nitrox · 05/04/2012 13:09

Sorry to hear about your cat.. x

What was his name?

I think it's pretty normal to be upset, especially due to the circumstances of how it happened..

He sounds much loved and I've no doubt he had a great time with your family

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