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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be crying over my cat 3 days after it was run over.

108 replies

DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 08:26

I know it's just a cat. I know that, thank God, it wasn't a child. I know I'm 'being a bit pathetic' as my very nice friend tells me. BUT he was my little pal and I loved him and I'm gutted that the kids and I saw him being run over and that the car didn't even stop. The children are devastated beyond words and a bit traumatised too. I had to go and pick him off the road. Thank God it was instant but we loved him and I miss him. Sad

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/04/2012 08:42

So sorry about your cat. He wasn't just a cat he was part of your family and he's going to leave a big gap in it. Cry as you need to, it's horrible to lose a pet. :(

stinkyfluffycat · 05/04/2012 08:43

YANBU at all, and as others have said if your kids are upset you're automatically upset too...
And if you've had him for 18 years, well, if a houseplant I'd been looking after for 18 years died I'd probably get slightly sentimental about it, let alone a cat Sad
Hope you've got some sort of treat for you & the kids this weekend.

asiatic · 05/04/2012 08:43

YANBU, this is the downside of the love and warmth animals bring to our lives. They enrich family life beyond measure, so of course it is shattering when they go, and obvioulsy such a shocking end. Thank God it was quick, there are worse endings for such an old one. Love to your DC

Original poster
DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 08:46

You're right, my friend doesn't 'approve' of pets so she doesn't get it. This might sound ridiculous but we had a little 'funeral' for him in the garden. I thought it was important for the children to say their goodbyes so we planted a little tree and DS made a card for him and put it beside it. God, maybe I am pathetic I'm sure there will be people reading this thinking 'get a grip woman'.

I truly don't think some people understand how much a pet can bring to your life. When my mum died, I was beyond griefstricken and honestly think that my cat helped me through it. I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed by admitting that now!

OP posts:
catsmother · 05/04/2012 08:49

It's healthy to cry and grieve when you lose someone you love. Sure, tactless "friends" might well say it's actually something being "just" a cat, but as all the others have said, you've lost a companion and a member of the family, even if they're not human.

I can still cry thinking about the cat I lost 18 months ago who was also run over .... literally 15 yards from the door. We live in a quiet, short cul de sac backing onto miles of fields, with no traffic as such - just people visiting or residents, so it was terrible bad luck and I still find it hard to believe it could have happened in such a cat friendly road. No-one stopped either :( ..... in fact, I can also still cry thinking about the loss of all the cats I've had over the years, never mind the cat I had to have put down last week due to her kidneys going (old age). So no, you're definitely not being unreasonable and your friend is being a cow. Why do people like that think people bother having animals at all ?

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/04/2012 08:51

Oh Dolly, I can't imagine seeing one of my beloved cats or my dog run over in front of my eyes.
Bad enough to lose them anyway, your friend sounds very unfeeling.
I had a cat that was PTS at 21, like you she was there before my marriage (which lasted 11 years) and my son.
And it's perfectly normal to have a little burial with the kids.
Keep on crying, 3 days is nothing Sad

NarkedPuffin · 05/04/2012 08:55

I don't approve of people who don't approve of pets.

NarkedPuffin · 05/04/2012 08:55

And the 'funeral' was a good way to deal with it for the DCs.

PatronSaintOfDucks · 05/04/2012 08:57

Of course YANBU. I am so sorry this happened. It sounds absolutely horrific. Pets (I don't like the word) are really family members.

Original poster
DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 09:00

Thanks, all of you. Smile

OP posts:
bishboschone · 05/04/2012 09:09

It's not odd , we have had funerals for all our animals . I have a good friend who doesn't 'get ' pets . I really believe it has stopped us being close friends . I can't walk past a puppy and she sticks her nose in the air . Pah!

topknob · 05/04/2012 09:12

My 15 yr old cat died a year and a half ago,,I cried..I had awful dreams about her being buried alive :( and still miss her now even though I have two girls who are about 10 months old. We buried her in her favourite laying in the sun place in the front garden. I planted a rose bush above and it is her place.

bettybat · 05/04/2012 09:16

You're not being pathetic at all. I couldn't bear it if that happened - you loved your cat, he was family, you show the sign of a wonderful heart in that you loved him so much and his death has affected you :)

They are not "just" animals and I hold quite a lot of contempt for people who say that. They don't get it, there's no point explaining.

Take all the time you need and do not feel anything like it's pathetic! I'm really happy that he had you for so long, to care and love him, to be a great friend and that you obviously gave him such a wonderful life. That more than makes up for any fool that thinks it's pathetic, or just an animal.

beatofthedrum · 05/04/2012 09:16

That is so sad, am so sorry. What an awful thing to happen in front of you all. Hugs to you and your kids. Don't bother discussing it with people who won't understand, there are so many who understand completely.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 05/04/2012 09:16

I'm so sorry.
it's totally normal to be devastated.
your friend is very cold.

Original poster
DollysDrawers · 05/04/2012 09:17

Gah Betty, you've got me blubbing again!

OP posts:
Dustinthewind · 05/04/2012 09:19

'You're right, my friend doesn't 'approve' of pets so she doesn't get it. This might sound ridiculous but we had a little 'funeral' for him in the garden. I thought it was important for the children to say their goodbyes so we planted a little tree and DS made a card for him and put it beside it. God, maybe I am pathetic I'm sure there will be people reading this thinking 'get a grip woman'. '

No, my children are much older than most here and we have a little pet grave section in the garden with a number of loved little creatures are buried. It helped the children when they were little to see the remains treated with respect and care rather than a bag in the bin.

Ephiny · 05/04/2012 09:20

So sorry to hear this :(

You're not 'pathetic' at all, animals can be part of our families and loved very much, it's only natural to grieve when they go. And when it happens in a way like this, it's a horrible shock as well.

I think the little burial/funeral is a lovely idea, it's nice for the children especially to be able to say goodbye, talk about him etc.

And if a 'friend' said anything like that to me about my dogs, they certainly wouldn't be my friend any more Angry.

Pastabee · 05/04/2012 09:28

I'm so sorry such a horrible thing has happened. Pets are part of the family and I'll be just as upset as you when mine dies. He has been there through everything..... House moves, the shit time I had at work once, my wedding day and hours and hours of labour where he just sat with me keeping me calm.

I'm welling up just thinking about it. YANBU. Your friend hasn't got a clue.

Pastabee · 05/04/2012 09:29

X post. Of course you were right to put him somewhere nice.

Principality · 05/04/2012 09:40

YANBU at all.

Our cat disappeared last June. I am not sure if he was stolen or got run over. (he was a very handsome, over friendly siamese x- he was a rather regal small dog!). I cried for weeks, as did the children. I have never known a cat like him. He was wonderful and kind and gentle- particularly to my enthusiastic toddler.

Whenever i see a white cat out now, i do a double take just to check it isn't him. It never is. :( God I'm crying now... you are not being unreasonable.

mrs2cats · 05/04/2012 09:41

So sorry for your loss. How awful that you actually saw the poor cat being run over.

Ignore your friend; you're not being pathetic at all. People who have never had pets or just don't 'get them' never seem to understand that they're so much more than just an animal. Just the other day I was thinking how traumatic it will be when one of our cats dies; she's just the perfect little companion. Pets join us on our journey through life and provide comfort and solace through good times and bad.

The funeral was a lovely idea, not ridiculous at all. It helped to say 'goodbye' and honoured the cat that was so much part of your lives.

YANBU.
Big hug x

SpiritOfTheSite · 05/04/2012 10:02

I cried for months after we had to have our kitties adopted and we got email updates and photos!! If either had been killed I would've been crying a lot longer!!

Ignore people that Do Not Understand.

prayingmantisgroupie · 05/04/2012 10:03

You're not pathetic in the slightest! Your so called 'friend' sounds vile, sorry. As others have said, some people just don't get it and never will. I lost my darling kitty in June last year to cancer, she was 13 and I wept for weeks. I still get teary now thinking of her. I also lost my horse, (also known as the love of my life, according to DH!), in September 2009, and I still miss him desperately.
It's fine to grieve, and healthy for your kids. Hopefully, they will grow up to love and respect animals as much as you obviously do. Big un-mumsnetty hugs to you. X

dweezle · 05/04/2012 10:03

Only people who have never had pets don't realise how you feel when a much loved pet dies. One of our cats had to be put down about 18 months ago and i still think of her most days. Even big tough DH cried when she died and I was in pieces - she had been part of our lives for a long time and we all loved her. In fact I'm getting a bit teary now........