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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT want to be treated "like a laydee"?

69 replies

SorryMyLollipop · 05/04/2012 07:03

He wants to open car doors for me, carry my shopping bags etc.

I feel that it's patronising and sexist, or AIBU and really its sweet and kind?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 05/04/2012 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 05/04/2012 07:21

If you read the "when the boat sinks" threads, you will find renewed interest in being treated like a laydee :o

lolajane2009 · 05/04/2012 07:23

i dont think it is patronising or sexist as my hubby does it for me, even after 9 years together. yabu imo

AKissIsNotAContract · 05/04/2012 07:27

YANBU, it would annoy me too. Get there first and open his car door for him and see how he responds.

marriedinwhite · 05/04/2012 07:35

Providing, as Euphemia says, he also values your opinions and treats you as an equal, what's wrong with behaving like a gentleman. Hope he walks on the outside of the pavement too Grin.

Too many threads on here about domestic abuse for anybody to complain about being treated nicely.

Tee2012 · 05/04/2012 07:36

So it's now sexist to be nice?

JasperJohns · 05/04/2012 07:42

Opening car doors? So, what? Are you expected to sit and wait whilst he scuttles round to open the door? Or stand at the kerb like a lemon waiting for him to do that tricky manoeuvre for you?

If so, Grin

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 05/04/2012 07:44

Exactly Jasper - I don't get it Confused

OP posts:
ChickenSkin · 05/04/2012 07:48

I agree with you op, I'm quite capable of opening a door, thanks. Carry some of the shopping mate but I'm not totally useless, I can carry some of it myself. In fact, Fuck off and marry a 1950s housewife instead.

FredFredGeorge · 05/04/2012 07:50

YANBU if you've asked him to stop and he's ignored you. YABU if you've just silently seethed about it.

And he's not sexist because he wants to carry your bags, he may be sexist in reality too, but not just 'cos he offers to take your bags - it might even be entirely selfish as he tries to add some extra weight for "training" purposes to his walk back from the shops.

Garliccheesechips · 05/04/2012 07:52
squeakytoy · 05/04/2012 07:53

I feel sorry for some blokes. Their parents raise them to treat women decently, with respect and courtesy, and they get it thrown back in their face that they are being patronising and sexist if they do it... Confused.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 05/04/2012 07:53

It's early days, Fred, at the moment he is just announcing his intentions to treat me "like a laydee".

I am quite sure he wouldn't do it if I asked him not too, I just feel uncomfortable about the idea and not sure about it all

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 05/04/2012 07:56

Too many threads on here about domestic abuse for anybody to complain about being treated nicely

And

So it's now sexist to be nice?

Give it time, in a few years time it will probably be seen as sexist domestic abuse, the way the term seems to keep on being expanded by our Rad Fem friends.

everlong · 05/04/2012 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 05/04/2012 07:58

Grin garliccheese

OP posts:
JasperJohns · 05/04/2012 07:59

Unless you're a member of the royal family though, opening car doors is just ridiculous. I would laugh if my dh had ever done this!

I am hoping to send out my boys into the world to treat everyone decently, with respect and courtesy - regardless of gender.

CurrySpice · 05/04/2012 08:00

My dp opens doors for me, carries stuff for me and generally treats me very nicely

I can assure you he treats me as an equal in every respect he knows who's boss Wink and this is just a little bit of pleasant courtesy. So, yabu

Whatmeworry · 05/04/2012 08:00

Oh, and Leave The Bastard.

You clearly deserve better OP. As youbwell know, men who dont have manners are more likely to be perfect in all other areas.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 05/04/2012 08:03

curry does your dh open car doors as well? If so, what JasperJohns said, what would I be doing while I waited for him to do that? Confused

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 05/04/2012 08:03

Well I'd rather that than the twat who pushed a door shut as I was walking though it and told me I was a feminist bitch for not wanting to be hit by a door.

QuintessentialShadows · 05/04/2012 08:04

at the moment he is just announcing his intentions to treat me "like a laydee".

Really?

It does not come natural to him, and he has to vocalize these intentions? Why on earth for?

I would be very suspicious of any man making such statements. It sounds idiotic.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 05/04/2012 08:07

Quint maybe he was sounding me out, he did ask if I would be Ok with it

OP posts:
OlaRapaceFru · 05/04/2012 08:07

DP does the car door opening thing - sometimes, but not all the time, I suppose it depends on the situation. If he's already in the car he doesn't leap out to open my door, but if we're getting into or out of the car at the same time he'll often open my door. Carrying shopping, well we kind of share that.

I'm also pleased to note that his two adult DSs do the car door opening thing with me/laydees too.

I think it's nice - and polite - and not at all sexist. And I always say thank you. Grin

CurrySpice · 05/04/2012 08:07

He does if I have my hands full, but no, not generally. Tbh though my dd2 will open the car door for me if I've made an attempt to clear up some of the detritus from the passenger seat got my hands full